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THE BOOK OF 
GOOD MANNERS 



A GUIDE TO POLITE USAGE 
FOR ALL SOCIAL FUNCTIONS 



W. C. GREEN 



SOCIAL MENTOR PUBLICATIONS 

200 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK CITY 



<&%<{ 



Copyright, 1922, by 

BRBNTANO'S 

MANUFACTURED IN U. S. A. 



■rmm 



DEC 18 mi 



The Book of Good Manners is a com- 
plete and authentic authority on every single 
phase of social usage as practiced in Amer- 
ica. The author has compiled the matter in 
dictionary form in order to give the reader 
the desired information as briefly and clearly 
as possible, and with the least possible effort 
in searching through the pages. 



A DICTIONARY OF ETIQUETTE 



Accepting or Declining Invitations. See Invitations, 
Accepting or Declining. 

Accidents* See Street Etiquette — Men — Accidents. 

(Address* The address of a person may be stamped 
on the stationery. 

If the address is stamped, it is not custom- 
ary to stamp also the crest or monogram. 

c/lddressing Envelopes. 

Men. A man should be addressed as Mr. James 
J. Wilson, or James J. Wilson, Esq. Either 
the Mr. or the Esq. may be used, but not 
the two together. 

The title belonging to a man should be 
given. It is not customary to use Mr. or 
Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is used. 

Women. A woman's name should always have 
the Miss or Mrs. 

A woman should never be given her hus- 
band's official title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson. 

9 



ETIQUETTE 

Addressing Envelopes {Continued) 

If a woman has a title of her own, she 
should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson, 
when the letter is a professional one. If 
a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie 
Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson. 

Addressing Persons* Young girls should be spoken 
of as Minnie Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie, 
but are personally addressed as Miss Minnie. 
Only the greatest intimacy warrants a man 
in addressing a young girl as Minnie. 

Parents should introduce their daughter 
as My daughter Minnie, but should speak 
of them before servants as Miss Minnie. 

A married woman should be spoken of as 
Mrs. Agnes Wilson y and personally addressed 
as Mrs. Wilson. 

Addressing and Signing Letters* All answers to 
invitations should be addressed to the party 
issuing them. 

Letters to a woman who is a comparative 
stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson, 
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs. 
Wilson. 

Letters to a man who is a comparative 
stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson, 
and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr. 
Wilson. 

10 



KTI^UETTE 

Addressing and Signing Letters {Continued) 

For forms of addressing persons with titles, 
as Mayor, see under that title — as, Mayor, 
Governor. 

The letters may end, Sincerely yours, or 
Very truly yours, or / remain yours with 
kindest regards. 

The signature of a man should be John J. 
Wilson or J \ Jones Wilson. 

An unmarried woman should sign social 
letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter 
as Miss Minnie Wilson. A married woman 
should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson. 
In signing a business letter, a married woman 
may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wil- 
son, or, preferably, 

Agnes Wilson 
{Mrs. John Wilson) 

Afternoon Calls* These should be made between 
three and half-past five, and if possible on 
regular at home days. 

In making an afternoon call a man should 
wear the regulation afternoon dress. 

Dress — Men. Afternoon dress consists of a 
double-breasted frock coat of dark material, 
and waistcoat, either single or double- 
breasted, of same, or of some fancy material 
of late design. The trousers should be of 

11 



ETIQUETTE 

(Afternoon Calls {Continued) 

light color, avoiding of course extremes in 
patterns. 

White or delicate color linen shirts should 
be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and 
undressed kid gloves of dark color. 

Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, after- 
noon teas, receptions, garden parties, lunch- 
eons, church funerals, and at all afternoon 
functions. 

See also Evening Dress — Men. Morning 
Dress — Men. 

(Afternoon Receptions. See Afternoon Teas. 
Given by Bachelors. See Bachelors' Teas. 

Afternoon Teas {Format). These are very success- 
ful as a rule, due perhaps to their small ex- 
pense and few exactions, and are given with 
many purposes : to introduce young women 
into society, to allow a hostess to entertain a 
number of her friends, to honor some woman 
of note, etc. 

A formal afternoon tea is one for which 
cards have been issued, naming set date. 

Awnings and carpet should be provided 
from curb to house. A man should be sta- 
tioned at the curb to open carriage doors and 
call them when the guests leave, and another 

12 



ETIQUETTE 

Afternoon Teas {Continued) 

man should be in attendance at the front door 
to open it the moment a guest appears at the 
top step and to diredl him to the dressing- 
room. 

A policeman should be detailed for the oc- 
casion to keep back the onlookers, and should 
receive a small fee for his services. 

At the door of the drawing-room a man 
should ask the name of each guest, which he 
announces as the latter enters. The hostess 
and those receiving with her should be just 
within the door to receive the guests. 

Cards. Each guest should leave a card in the 
tray in the hall. 

A woman may leave the cards of the men 
of her family who have been unable to at- 
tend. 

Cards should be sent by mail or messenger 
by those invited but unable to be present, and 
should be timed so that they reach the house 
during the fundlion. 

A husband and wife each send a card when 
the invitation is issued in the name of the 
hostess only, and two cards each when issued 
in the name of hostess and her daughter. If 
issued in the name of both husband and 
wife, a husband should send two and his wife 
should send one card. 

13 



ETIQUETTE 

Afternoon Teas {Continued) 

Daughters. The daughters who have passed 
the debutante age usually stand for an hour 
beside their mother to receive the guests, 
and afterward mingle with the guests to help 
to make the function a success. 

Debutante. When a tea is given in honor of 
a debutante, she stands beside the hostess 
(usually her mother), and each guest is in- 
troduced to her. Flowers should be liberally 
provided, and friends may contribute on such 
an occasion. 

Dress. The host and the men all wear the regu- 
lation afternoon dress. 

Women wear costumes appropriate to the 
afternoon, more elegant in proportion to the 
elaborateness of the function. 

Guests. Guests may suit their convenience in 
arriving, provided they do not come at the 
opening hour nor at the very end. 

After leaving their wraps in the dressing- 
rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leav- 
ing their cards in the tray in the hall, and 
then giving their names to the man at the 
door, who announces them. 

On entering the room, the women precede 
the men. 

After greeting the hostess and being intro- 

14 



ETIQUETTE 

cAfkmocn Teas {Continued) 

duced to those receiving with her, the guests 
move into the middle of the room. 

Guests go the dining-room when they 
wish without greeting the hostess. 

It is not expedted that guests at a large re- 
ception will stay all the afternoon. Twenty 
minutes is long enough. It is not necessary 
to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving. 
If guests take leave of host and hostess, 
they should shake hands. 

In the dining-room the men, assisted by 
the waiters, help the women. 

When the reception is a small formal one, 
the guests may stay a longer time, and usu- 
ally it is better to take leave of the hostess, 
unless she is much occupied at the time. 

HOST. Except when a newly married couple 
give a house-warming or a reception, the host 
does not stand beside his wife, but spends 
the time in making introductions, and doing 
his best to make the function a success. 

When some married woman or woman 
guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he 
should at the proper moment escort her to 
the dining-room. 

HoSTKSS. The hostess and those receiving with 
her should be just within the door, ready to 
receive each guest as announced. 

15 



ETIQUETTE 

Afternoon Teas {Continued) 

The hostess shakes hands with each guest, 
and introduces them to those receiving with 
her. 

Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are 
generally permitted to invite a few of their 
own friends, and their cards are sent with 
those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the 
presence of a number of young women here 
and there in the rooms to assist in receiving 
the guests. Music is always appropriate. 
Hours. The hours are from 4 to 7 p.m. 

Introductions. The hostess should introduce 
her guests to those receiving with her. 
See also Introduction. 

Invitations. Engraved invitations are sent a 
week or ten days in advance, by mail or mes- 
senger. 

They are usually issued in the name of the 
hostess only, though they may be issued in 
the name of both husband and wife. 

In place of the visiting-card, an "At 
Home ' ' card may be used, or cards specially 
engraved for the purpose. 

When cards are sent to a married couple, 
the cards are addressed to both husband and 
wife. 

Invitations are sent in two envelopes — the 
inner one unsealed and bearing the name of 

16 



ETIQUETTE 

Afternoon Teas {Continued) 

the guest, and the outer one sealed, with the 
street address. 

Invitations, Answering. It is not necessary 
to accept or decline these invitations, as the 
guest accepts by his presence. If unable to 
do so, he should send by mail or messenger 
a visiting-card, to reach the hostess during 
the ceremony. 

When the invitation has been issued in the 
name of the hostess only, a husband and wife 
each send a card, and if in the name of host- 
ess and her daughter, each should send two 
cards. If the invitation has been issued in 
the name of the husband and wife, the wife 
should send one and a husband two cards. 

If the woman in the family is the only one 
present at the fundlion, she can leave cards 
for the rest of the family. 

Men. Both the host and men wear the regula- 
tion afternoon dress, consisting of the long 
frock coat with single or double-breasted 
waistcoat to match, or of some fancy cloth, 
and gray trousers. White linen, a light tie, 
a silk hat, gray gloves, and patent leather 
shoes complete the costume. 

The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in 
the dressing-room, and the guest removes one 
or both gloves as he pleases — remembering 

17 



ETIQUETTE 

Afternoon Teas {Continued) 

that lie must offer his ungloved right hand 
to the hostess. 

Shaking Hands. Guests on being presented to 
the hostess should shake hands. If guest 
takes leave of hostess, they should shake 
hands. If the hostess is surrounded by 
guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admis- 
sable. 

Women. Women leave cards of their male rela- 
tives as well as their own, even though their 
names may be announced upon entering. 
Guests leave their cards in a receptacle pro- 
vided for the purpose, or give them to the 
servant at the door. 

Women wear a costume appropriate for 
the afternoon, and keep their hats and 
gloves on. 

Afiemoon Teas (Informal). An afternoon tea is a 
simple entertainment. Refreshments are 
generally served to the guests. An innova- 
tion lately introduced has become quite pop- 
ular — namely, young women, invited for 
the purpose, wait upon the guests, bringing 
in one dainty at a time. 

An afternoon tea is called a formal after- 
noon tea when engraved cards have been 
issued, naming set date. 

18 



\ 



ETIQUETTE 

Afternoon Teas (Continued) 

Cards. Guests should leave cards in the hall, or 
hand them to the servant. Women may 
leave the cards of the men of her family. 
Those unable to attend should send card the 
same afternoon by mail or messenger. 

See also Afternoon Teas (Formal) — Cards. 

Dress. Both men and women wear afternoon 
dress. 

Guests. All guests, both men and women, wear 
afternoon dress. 

Guests may suit their convenience in ar- 
riving or departing — provided they do not 
come at the opening hour, nor stay to the 
last moment. 

After the guests have left their wraps in 
the dressing-rooms, they leave their cards in 
the tray in the hall and enter the drawing- 
room, the women preceding the men. 

After greeting the hostess and being intro- 
duced to those assisting her, the guests 
quietly move away and mingle with the rest. 

Each guest goes to the dining-room when 
he pleases and leaves when he wishes. It is 
not necessary upon departure to shake hands 
with the hostess at a large reception, though 
it is better to do so at a small affair. 

It is not necessary for a guest to stay the 
entire evening; twenty minutes is sufficient. 

19 



ETIQUETTE 

Afternoon Teas (Continued) 

Host. If present, he does not receive with his 
wife. It is not essential that he be present 
on such an occasion. 

Hostess. The hostess wears full dress. Daugh- 
ters may assist, or young women may be 
asked to do so. 

Hours. From four to seven. 

Invitations. For an afternoon tea a visiting- 
card may be used with the hour and date 
written or engraved on it. They may be sent 
by mail or messenger. 

The invitation need not be acknowledged. 

Afternoon Wedding Receptions are conducted the 
same as Wedding Receptions, which see. 

Agriculture, Secretary of— How Addressed* An 
official letter begins : Sir, and ends: / have sir, 
the honor to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : My dear Mr. Wilson, 
and ends: I have the honor to remain most sin- 
cerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : Hon. John 
J. Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture. 

Aisle Procession. See Wedding Procession. 

Anglican Church Archbishop. See Archbishop. 

Anglican Church Bishop. See Bishop. 



ETIQUETTE 

Anniversaries — Wedding. These are as follows: 

First year Paper 

Fifth year Wooden 

Tenth year Tin 

Twelfth year Leather 

Fifteenth year Crystal 

Twentieth year China 

Twenty-fifth year .... Silver 

Thirtieth year Ivory 

Fortieth year Woolen 

Forty-fifth year Silk 

Fiftieth year Golden 

Seventy-fifth year . . . Diamond 

Less attention is now paid than formerly 
to all those before the silver wedding. For 
specific information, see Silver Wedding, Tin 
Wedding, etc. 

Announcement — Engagement See Engagement 
Public Announcement. 

(Announcing Guests— 'Baits. The hostess decides 
whether or not the guests are to be an- 
nounced. At public balls it is customary. 

Answering Invitations. See under Functions, as 
Dinners, Invitations, etc. 

Apples should be pared, cut into small pieces, and 
eaten with finders or forks. 

21 



ETIQUETTE 

Archbishop of Anglican Church — Row <Addre$std* 
An official letter begins : My Lord Arch- 
bishop, may it please your Grace, and ends: 
/ remain, My Lord Archbishop, your Grace's 
most obedie?it servant. 

A social letter begins : My dear Lord 
Airhbishop, and ends: / have the honor to re- 
main, my dear Lord Archbishop. 

The address on the envelop is: The Most 
Reverend, His Grace the Archbishop of Kent. 

Archbishop of c Rpman Catholic Church — How Ad- 
dressed* An official or social letter begins: 
Most Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends : / 
have the honor to remain your humble servant. 
The address on the envelope is : The Most 
Reverend John J. Wilson, Archbishop of Kent. 

Artichokes are eaten with the fingers, taking off leaf 
by leaf and dipping into the sauce. The 
solid portion is broken up and eaten with a 
fork. 

Asparagus* The stalks may be taken between the 
finger and the thumb, if they are not too 
long, or the green end may be cut off and 
eaten with a fork, scraping off with the 
knife what is desired from the remaining 
part. 

22 ' 



ETIQUETTE 

cMt Homes* 

Afternoon At Homes. The days for re- 
ceiving are engraved in the lower left hand 
corner of the card, with hours specified if one 
wishes. 

No changes should be made in these hours 
by the hostess unless for exceptional reasons, 
and she should always be present at the 
time set. 

Unless very intimate, the call should be 
made only on the specified days. 

Bachelors. It is not customary for a bachelor 
to use " At Home" cards as a woman does, 
nor to invite his friends by writing a date 
and Music at four on his calling-cards in 
place of an invitation. 

Dress. In the afternoon the caller should wear 
afternoon dress, and in the evening evening 
dress. 

Acknowledging Invitations. Invitations to 
an ordinary at home need no acknowledg- 
ment. 

Invitations. Cards for an ' ' At Home ' ' are en- 
graved with the hour for beginning the 
entertainment — as, Chocolate at #.30 o'clock. 
The invitations to a formal "At Home" 
should be sent in two envelopes, but to an 
ordinary " At Home " in one envelope. For 
informal affairs the hour may be written on 
an ordinary "At Home " card. 

23 



ETIQUETTE 

^Bachelors' Dinners* They follow the usual custom 
of formal dinners, and may be as elaborate as 
desired. Women may be invited. Such 
dinners are often given for men only. 

Caixs. Women do not call upon a bachelor 
after attending a dinner given by him. 

Chaperone. If women are present, a married 
woman as chaperone is indispensable, and 
her husband must also be invited. The host 
should call upon the chaperone and per- 
sonally request the favor. 

The chaperone is taken into dinner by the 
host, unless the latter takes in the woman in 
whose honor the dinner may be given. In 
the latter case, the chaperone is seated at the 
host's left. She gives the signal for the 
women to leave the dining-room. 

All guests should be introduced to the 
chaperone, and she should be called upon 
after a short time by the host. 

Dress. All guests wear evening dress. 

Host. The host should call upon the chaperone 
within a few days after the dinner. 

If men only are present, he either precedes 
or follows the guests into the dining-room, 
and if he has given the dinner in honor of 
some man, he has the latter seated at his 
right. His duties are the same as the host 
at dinners. 

24 



ETIQUETTE 

Bachelws* Dtrmers (Confzmced) 

Invitations. These are usually given in brief 
notes, but may be engraved, and are similar 
to the regular invitations to dinners, and are 
treated accordingly. 

Men. The men wear evening dress, and follow 
the same etiquette as at other dinners. 

Women. The women wear evening dress, and 
follow the same etiquette as at all dinners, 
except that no calls are made by them after- 
ward upon the host. 

Bachelor's Farewell Dinner* If the groom wishes, 
he may give a farewell dinner a few evenings 
before the wedding to his best man, ushers, 
and a few intimate friends. He sits at the 
head of the table and the best man opposite, 
and on this occasion he may give scarf-pins, 
link cuff-buttons — or neckties and gloves, if 
he wishes — to the best man and ushers. 

Bachelors' Luncheons* These are conducted like 
Bachelor's Dinners, which see. The one dif- 
ference is that, should the luncheon be given 
before 6 p.m., afternoon dress should be worn. 

Bachelors' Opera Parties* See Theatre and Opera 
Parties Given by Men. 

Bachelors' Suppers* These are conducted the same 
as Bachelor's Dinners, which see. 

25 



ETIQUETTE 

Bachelors' Teas or Afternoon Receptions* 

Chaperone. If women are present, a married 
chaperone is indispensable, who should be 
the first person invited by personal call. 

The chaperone at a small affair pours the 
tea, and at a large one she receives with the 
host, and each guest is presented to her. 

The host conducts the chaperone to her 
carriage, and also any other women who may 
have assisted her. 

Dress. The hosts and guests wear afternoon 
dress. 

Invitations. These may be oral, brief notes, or, 
for a large affair, engraved, and should be 
sent from three days to a week in advance. 

HOST. The host should greet his guests at the 
door, shaking hands with each one, and in- 
troducing to the chaperone those not known 
to her. 

He introduces guests who are strangers to 
each other, bids them adieu, accompanies the 
women to the door, and escorts the chape- 
rone to her carriage, and if she has come 
alone without one, may very properly escort 
her home. 

If at a large reception several women have 
helped him entertain, he should thank them 
and see them to their carriages. 
20 



ETIQUETTE 

Bachelors* Teas or Afternoon Receptions ( Continued) 
He will, of course, see that there is provided 
a dressing-room for women with a maid to 
wait upon them, and that the rooms are in 
good order, well furnished with flowers, and 
that the refreshments are attended to. 
See also Invitations. 

Mkn. Afternoon dress is worn. 

Wombn. The invitations, engraved or oral, 
should be promptly acknowledged. 

Women wear dress customary at afternoon 
teas, and on their entrance should greet the 
host. Upon departing they take leave of him, 
though this is not necessary if the reception 
be a large one. 

If a young woman knows that a chaperone 
is present, she need not have her own chap- 
erone accompany her. 

If the chaperone leaves early, she should do 
likewise. 

Bachelors' Theatre Party. See Theatre and Opera 
Parties Given by Men. 

Badges — Balls {Public). It is customary for men 
and women on the committees to wear on the 
left side of the breast ornamental badges, 
embroidered with the official position of the 
wearer. 

27 



ETIQUETTE 

Baggage. If a man is traveling with a woman, he 
should see to the checking and care of her 
baggage. 

See also Traveling. 

Wedding Trip. The best man should, some 
time before the wedding, see that the baggage 
of the bridal couple has been checked, and 
the checks given to the groom. 
See also Best Man. 

'Balls. A ball is an evening fundlion, beginning at 
a late hour, devoted wholly to dancing. The 
costumes are more elaborate, the supper ar- 
rangements more extensive, and the floral 
decorations more lavish than at a dance. 
Accepting Invitation to Dance. While a 
young woman may accept or decline any invi- 
tation to dance, it is considered an adl of dis- 
courtesy to refuse one man for a dance and 
to accept an invitation thereafter for the 
same dance from another. 

Announcing Guests. The hostess decides 
whether or not the guests are to be announced. 
At public balls it is customary. 

Answering Invitations. These should be an- 
swered immediately, and if declined, the 
ticket should be returned. 

Arriving at. There is no set rule when guests 
should arrive. 
28 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls (Continued} 

In the city, guests should arrive anywhere 
between eleven and twelve, and in the coun- 
try, fifteen minutes after the hour set in the 
invitation. 

Asking Womkn to Danck. A man asks for 
the privilege of a dance either with the 
daughter of the hostess, with any guest of 
the latter, or with any young woman receiv- 
ing with her. 

On being introduced to a woman, he may 
ask her for a dance, and should be punctual 
in keeping the engagement. 

It is her privilege to end the dance at any 
moment she wishes, after which he should 
condudl her to her chaperone or find a seat 
for her, after which he is at liberty to go 
elsewhere. 

If for any cause a man has to break his 
engagements to dance, he should personally 
explain the matter to every woman with 
whom he has an engagement and make a 
suitable apology. 

Balls, Assembly* The etiquette at an assembly 
ball is much the same as at a private ball, 
the functions and duties of the hostess being 
filled by a committee of women selected for 
that purpose. 

29 



ETiQUETTE 

Balls, Assembly {Continued) 

On entering the room, the guests bow to 
the committee and pass on. 

It is not necessary to take leave of the 
committee. 

Carriage. A man should provide a carriage 
in which to call for the woman he escorts 
and her chaperone. 

Chapkronks. For a small ball given in a private 
house, the hostess need not invite the mothers 
of the young women, and the young women 
can properly attend, knowing that the hostess 
will ac?t as a chaperone. 

But at a large ball it is necessary to invite 
the mother as well as the daughters, and 
the chaperone as well as the debutante under 
her care. The mother can send regrets for 
herself, and send her daughters in care of a 
maid. Or she can attend, and, after remain- 
ing a suitable time, she may entrust her 
daughter to the care of a chaperone who 
intends to remain the whole evening. 

Balls for 'Debutante. 

DRKSS. A debutante should dress in white or 
some extremely delicate color, and wear very 
little jewelry — some simple brooch or single 
piece of jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls. 



ETIQUETTE 

Baits for Debutante (Continued) 
Duties of Daughters. Except at her own 
debut, a daughter does not assist her mother 
in receiving. She should be ready, however, 
to see that young women have partners, and 
to speak, without introduction, to strangers. 

Guest of Honor. If the ball is given in honor 
of some special person, he should be met on 
his arrival, introduced to the women of the 
reception committee, escorted to the seat pre- 
pared for him, and be looked after the entire 
evening. 

At the end of the ball he should be es- 
corted to his carriage. 

Duties of Host. It is not necessary that a 
man receive with his wife. He should do all 
he can to help make the ball successful, 
especially if his name appears on the invita- 
tion. He should assist in finding partners 
for the women, taking the chaperones into 
supper, preventing the men from selfishly 
remaining in the dressing-room, and at the 
end escorting unattended women to their 
carriages. 

When a formal supper is served, he takes 
into supper the leading chaperone. 

Duties of Hostess. As a ball is an entertain- 
ment for dancing, it is better to give two 
small balls where the guests are not crowded 

31 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls for Debutante {Continued) 

than one where they are. It is permissible 
for a hostess not having sufficient room to 
hire rooms in some place suitable for the 
purpose. 

In seledting guests, it is wise to have more 
men present than women. 

The hostess should see to it that the rooms 
are well ventilated and well lighted. An 
awning and a carpet from the street to the 
hall door should be provided. 

The hostess should stand near the door, 
prepared to receive the guests as they enter, 
shaking hands with each one, friend or 
stranger, and introducing any woman who 
may receive with her. 

A hostess herself should not dance until 
late in the evening, unless she knows that 
nearly all her guests have arrived. 

A wise hostess will personally see that the 
women are provided with partners, and that 
diffident young men are introduced. 

The hostess should see that the floor is 
suitable for dancing, that music is arranged, 
programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one 
for the men and one for the women, are ar- 
ranged for with suitable attendants. 

The hostess should stand where the guests 
can take leave of her, and should shake 
hands with each when leaving. 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls for Debutante (Continued) 

Hours. In the city the hour for a ball to begin 
is from 10.30 to 11 p.m., but in the country 
the hour is earlier — from 9 to 9.30. 

A public ball begins promptly at the time 
mentioned in the announcement. 

Invitations. These are issued from ten to 
twenty days before the ball, and should be 
answered immediately. 

For an impromptu dance, they may be 
issued within a few days of the affair. 

These invitations should be engraved. As 
a general rule, it is not now customary to put 
on them the letters R. S. V. P. 

But when an engraved invitation is posted, 
two envelopes are used, the inner one bear- 
ing the person's name only and unsealed, and 
the outer bearing both the name and address 
and sealed. 

If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a 
masquerade or costume, the invitation should 
have some words to that effedt in the lower 
left hand corner — as, Costume of the XVIIth 
Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre. 

Invitations Asked for Strangers. If a 
hostess receives a request from friends for 
invitations for friends of theirs, she can prop- 
erly refuse all such requests, and no friend 
should feel aggrieved at a refusal for what 

88 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls for "Debutante {Continued') 

she has no right to ask and which the hostess 
is under no obligation to give. If the 
hostess chooses to grant the request, well and 
good. 

She would naturally do so when the request 
is for a near relative, or the betrothed of the 
one making the request. 

A man should never ask for an invitation 
to a ball for another person, except for his 
fiancee or a near relative. 

A woman may ask for an invitation for her 
fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long 
standing, or for a visiting friend. She should 
take care that she does not ask it for some 
one known to the hostess and whom the latter 
does not desire to invite. No offense should be 
felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a 
brother, sister, or fiance. 

Invitations Given by a Newcomer. When a 
newcomer in a neighborhood desires to give 
a ball but has no visiting list, it is allow- 
able for her to borrow the visiting list of 
some friend. The friend, however, arranges 
that in each envelope is placed a calling-card 
of her own, so that the invited ones may know 
that she is acting as sponsor for the new- 
comer. 

Invitations Answered. Every invitation 
should be answered as soon as possible, and 

34 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls for Debutante {Continued) 

in the third person if the invitation was in the 
third person. The answer should be sent to 
the party requesting the pleasure, even if 
many names are on the invitation. 

When a subscriber to a subscription ball 
invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she 
encloses her card in the envelope, and the in- 
vited friend sends the answer to the sub- 
scriber sending the invitation. 

Introductions. When a man is introduced to a 
woman at a ball, he should ask her for a 
dance. 

Men at. Courtesy toward his hostess and con- 
sideration for his friends demands that a 
man who can dance should do so. 

To accept an invitation to a ball and then 
refuse to dance shows that a man is lacking 
in good breeding. 

A man finding few friends at a ball should 
ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce 
him to some women whom he can invite to 
dance. 

It is an a6l of discourtesy for a man not to 
request a dance of a woman to whom he has 
been introduced. 

A man escorting a woman to a ball should 
agree where to meet her after they have each 
left their w r raps at the dressing-rooms. It 

85 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls for Debutante {Continued) 

may be at the foot of the stairway or near 
the ball-room door. 

It is now no longer customary for the man 
and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the 
woman to precede the man, and together 
they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess 
to merely bow or to shake hands, and the 
guests follow her lead. 

A man should see that his companion's 
chaperone is comfortably seated, and then 
ask his companion for a couple of dances, 
and, with her permission, introduce other 
young men, who should ask her to dance. 
Such permission is not usually asked if the 
man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old 
friend. 

It is stridlly the woman's prerogative to de- 
cide to retire, and no man should urge or 
hint to a woman to retire earlier than she 
wishes. 
Men — Carriage. A man asking a woman to 
accompany him to a ball should call in a car- 
riage for her and her chaperone. 
Men — Dress. Men wear full evening dress in 
summer or winter, city and town. 

Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn 
at all balls. 
Newcomers. See Balls — Invitations Given by 
Newcomers. 
36 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls for Debutante (Contintied) 

Patronesses. See Public Balls — Patronesses. 

Tipping Servants. Only at public balls is it 
customary to give a tip to the men and 
women in charge of the cloak-room. 

Supper. Usually a buffet supper, being more 
easily handled and arranged for. Supper at 
tables requires many servants, much prepara- 
tion, and great care. 

Women at. A mother should attend balls with 
her daughters, going and returning with 
them, and if she is not invited, they should 
decline the invitation. The father can adt 
as escort if need be. 

After greeting the hostess and guests, the 
guests pay their respe<fls to the head of the 
house if he is present. 

Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary. 
It is no longer customary for a couple to 
enter arm in arm, but for the woman to pre- 
cede the man. A mother, elder sister, or 
married woman takes the precedence over 
a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried 
woman. 

If not at once asked to dance, a young 
woman should take a seat by her chaperone. 
It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one 
man and then to dance that same dance with 
another. 

37 

Etiq.— 2 



ETIQUETTE 

Balls for Debutante {Continued) 

Both the hostess and the women wear their 
most elaborate costume for such an entertain- 
ment — decollete, short-sleeved, and a long 
train. 

For a less elaborate affair the costume 
may be plainer. 

Halls, Assembly* See Assembly Balls. 

Balls, Costume* See Costume Balls. 

Balls, "Debut See D6but Balls. 

"Balls, Public* See Public Balls. 

Balls, Subscription* See Subscription Balls. 

Bananas* The skin should be cut off w T ith a knife, 
peeling from the top down, while holding in 
the hand. Small pieces should be cut or 
broken off, and taken in the fingers, or they 
may be cut up and eaten with a fork. 

Baron — Horn) Addressed* An official letter begins : 
My Lord, and ends : I have the honor to be 
your Lordship' s obedient servant 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Honorable the Baron Wilson. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lord Wilson, 
and ends : Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson, 
very sincerely yours. 
The address is : 7!? the Lord Wilson. 
Daughter of. See Daughter of Baron. 
38 



ETIQUETTE 

Baron — How Addressed (Continued) 
Wife of Younger Son of. See Wife of Younger 
Son of Baron. 

Baron, Younger Son of— How Addressed* An 
official letter begins : Sir, and ends : / have 
the honor to remain your obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Mr. Wilson, 
and ends : Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sin- 
cerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Honorable John Wilson. 

Baroness — How Addressed ♦ An official letter begins: 
Madam, and ends : I have the honor to remain 
your Ladyship' s most obedient servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Honorable The Baroness Kent. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lady Kent, 
and ends : Believe me dear Lady Kent, sin- 
cerely yours. 
The address is : To the Lady Kent. 

Baronet— How Addressed* An official letter begins: 
Sir, and ends : / have the honor to remain, 
sir, your obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Sir John Wil- 
son, or Dear Sir John, and ends : Believe me, 
dear Sir John, faithfully yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To Sir 
John Wilson, Bart. 
Wife of. See Wife of Baronet. 

39 



ETIQUETTE 

Best Man* The best man is usually a bachelor, but 
may be a married man or a widower, and is 
selected by the groom. He fills an impor- 
tant position, requiring tadt, administrative 
ability, and capacity to handle details. He 
a<5ts as the groom's representative, confiden- 
tial advisor, and business advisor. 

After his selection he should send a gift to 
the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the 
groom — a custom not yet clearly established, 
and one not to be either encouraged or fol- 
lowed with safety. 

On the morning of the wedding-day he 
should have received both the ring and fee 
from the groom, and should personally see to 
the church and other details. 

He breakfasts with the groom, and together 
they drive to the church. 

Calls. He should call on the bride's mother 
within two weeks after the ceremony, and 
also on the married couple upon their return 
from their wedding trip. 

Church. He accompanies the groom into the 
chancel, and stands by his side till the bride 
appears, when he receives the groom's hat 
and gloves, and stands a little way behind 
him. When the clergyman bids the bride 
and groom join hands, he gives the ring to 
to the groom. 

40 



ETIQUETTE 

Best Man {Continued) 

At the conclusion of the ceremony, he 
gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and 
hastily leaves the church to summon the 
groom's carriage and to return him his 
hat. He signs the register, if a witness is 
needed. 

It is a better arrangement to have the 
groom and the best man enter the church 
without their hats, and have the latter sent 
from the vestry to the church door, so that the 
groom may receive his when he leaves the 
church. 

Especially is this a good arrangement if 
the best man has to walk with the maid of 
honor down the aisle. 

After this, he hastens in his own carriage 
to the bride's home, to assist in meeting and 
introducing the guests at the reception or 
breakfast. 

Dress. If the bride presents the best man with 
the boutonniere, he should go to her house 
on the wedding-day to have her put it in the 
lapel of his coat. 

He should dress as nearly as possible like the 
groom — wearing afternoon dress at an after- 
noon wedding, and at an evening wedding 
evening dress. 

See also Groom — Dress. 

41 



ETIQUETTE 

Best Man {Continued') 

Expenses. The best man is the guest of the 
groom, and in matters of expense this should 
be borne in mind. 

Reporters. If such is the wish of the family 
of the bride, the best man attends to the re- 
porters, and furnishes them with the names 
of groom, bride, relatives, friends, descrip- 
tion of gowns, and other details deemed 
suitable for publication. 

Wedding Breakfast. The best man escorts 
the maid of honor, and they are usually 
seated at the bridal table. 

Wedding Reception. The best man stands 
with the married couple, and is introduced 
to the guests. 

Wedding Trip. He should arrange beforehand 
all details of the trip — as to tickets, parlor-car, 
flowers, baggage, etc. He alone knows the 
point of destination, and is in honor bound 
not to betray it, save in case of emergencies. 
He should see that the married couple 
leave the house without any trouble, and if 
the station is near, he should go in a separate 
carriage (provided by the groom) to per- 
sonally attend to all details. He is the last 
one to see the married couple, and should re- 
turn to the house to give their last message 
to the parents. 



ETIQUETTE 

'Best Wishes to ^ride. One should give best wishes 
to the bride and congratulations to the 
groom. 

Bicycling. A man bicycling with a woman should 
extend to her all the courtesies practised 
when riding or driving with her, such as 
allowing her to set the pace, taking the lead 
on unfamiliar roads and in dangerous 
places, riding on the side nearest obstacles, 
etc. 

Men — Dress. A man should wear the regula- 
tion suit coat, waistcoat, and knickerbock- 
ers of gray or brown tweed, avoiding all 
eccentricities of personal taste. 

Birth {Announcement)* If wishing to send congrat- 
ulations after a birth, cards should be left in 
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers 
may be sent with the card. 

Bishop of the Anglican Church — Hem) cAddressed. 
An official letter begins : My Lord, and ends: 
/ have the honor to remain your Lordship s 
most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : My Dear Lord 
Bishop, and ends : I have the honor to remain^ 
my dear Lord Bishop, faithfully yours. 

The address on the envelope : To the Right 
Rev. the Lord Bishop of Kent. 

43 



ETIQUETTE 

Bishop {Protestant) — How (Addressed. An official 
letter begins : Right Reverend and Dear Sir, 
and ends : / have the honor to remain your 
obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Bishop Wilson, 
and ends : I remain sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop of 
Montana. 

^Bishop i^oman Catholic) — How Addressed* An 

official or social letter begins : Right Rever- 
end and Dear Sir, and ends : / have the honor 
to remain your humble servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Reverend John J. Wilson, Bishop oj 
OMo. 

Bonnets {Theatre)* A woman of any consideration 
should either wear no bonnet or remove it 
when the curtain rises. 

It would be in place for a man or a woman 
to politely request a woman whose bonnet 
obstructs the view to remove it, and, after 
it was done, to thank the woman for so 
doing. 

Bouquets (Wedding). The bouquet carried by the 
bride is furnished by the groom, who should 
also provide bouquets for the bridesmaids. 

44 



ETIQUETTE 

Bowing 

Men. When leaving a woman at the door of 
her house, he bows and retires as the door 
is opened. 

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he 
should raise his hat on closing the door. 

On a railroad a man removes his hat in a 
parlor-car, but not in a day coach. 

In street-cars a man should raise his hat 
when giving his seat to a woman; also when 
rendering a service to a woman in public, in 
answering a question, or in apologizing to a 
woman. 

In elevators, when women are present, 
the hat should be removed. 

In hotel halls or corridors a man passing 
a woman should raise his hat. 

Men do not raise their hats to one another, 
save out of deference to an elderly person, a 
person of note, or a clergyman. 

In driving, if impossible to raise the hat, 
he should touch it with his whip. 

The hat is gracefully lifted from the head, 
brought to the level of the chest, and the 
body inclined forward, and then replaced in 
passing. 

It is the woman's privilege to bow first if 
it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a 
woman bows, and the man fails to recognize 
her, he should bow in return. 

45 



ETIQUETTE 

Bowing {Continued') 

A man may bow first to a very intimate 
friend. 

Meeting a woman to whom he has been 
introduced at an entertainment, he should 
wait until she bows first. 

After bowing to a woman, the man may 
join her, and with her permission may walk 
a short distance with her. 

He should not stand in the street and con- 
verse with her any length of time. She may 
excuse herself and pass on. He should not 
feel affronted. 

If he meets a woman he does not know 
accompanied by a man he does know, both 
men bow. 

The man accompanying her should bow- 
to every man or woman to whom she bows. 
Women. A woman's bow should be dignified — 
a faint smile and a gentle inclination of the 
head. 

Women bow first to men when meeting in 
the street. A man may bow first if the 
acquaintance is intimate. 

When walking with a man, and they meet 
another unknown to her, but known to her 
escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend, 
man or woman, unknown to her escort, he 
bows. 

Unless an introduction has taken place at 

46 



ETIQUETTE 

Bowing {Continued') 

any fundiion, no recognition is customary. 
It is the woman's privilege, however, to de- 
cide for herself whether she will recognize 
the guest or not. 

A man bowing and joining a woman on 
the street must ask permission to do so. 
She is at perfedl liberty to gracefully decline. 
If a man stops to talk on the street, she 
may excuse herself and pass on. If she 
continues the conversation and he stands 
with his hat in his hand, she may request 
him to replace it. Such conversations should 
be brief. 

Breaa should be broken into small pieces, buttered, 
and transferred with the fingers to the mouth. 
The bread should be placed on the small 
plate provided for the purpose. 

^Breakfasts* Breakfasts are generally given from 
ten to twelve in the morning. Very formal 
breakfasts are held at twelve o'clock. 

Caixs. A call need not be made after a simple 
breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one. 

Dress. Street costumes are worn by men and 
women. 

Guests. Guests leave half an hour after the 
breakfast. 

Hours. The hour is from 12 to 12.30. 

4' 



ETIQUETTE 

Breakfasts {Continued) 

Invitations. Cards are engraved and sent a 
week in advance for formal breakfasts, but 
for informal breakfasts they may be written. 
If given in honor of a special guest, the 
name is engraved on the card — as, To meet 
Mr, Wilson. 

Men. Men are usually invited, and they are 
often given for men. Men wear street cos- 
tume. 

Guests should leave half an hour aftetf 
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a 
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a for- 
mal one. 

Men Leaving Cards. After a breakfast a maw 
should leave a card for host and hostess, 
whether the invitation was accepted or not* 
Or it may be sent by mail or messenger, with 
an apology for so doing. 

Women. Women wear street costume, including 
gloves, the latter being taken off at table. 
Women remove their coats and wraps, but 
not bonnets. 

Guests should leave half an hour after 
breakfast. A call is not necessary after a 
simple breakfast, but obligatory after a for- 
mal one. 

Wedding. See Wedding Receptions or Break- 
fasts. 

48 



ETIQUETTE 

Breaking Dinner Engagements. When it is absolutely 
necessary to break an engagement made for 
a dinner, a letter should be sent as soon as 
possible to the hostess, either by special de- 
livery or messenger, giving the reason and 
expressing regrets. 

Bride* The bride seledls the church and the clergy- 
man, and can, if she wishes, ask the latter 
personally or by note to perform the cere- 
mony. She seledls the music for the cere- 
mony and the organist, names the wedding 
day, and selecfts the ushers and the brides- 
maids. Of the bridesmaids, she may seledl 
one> some near friend, as the maid of honor, 
to adl for her, as the best man does for the 
groom. 

She further designates one of the ushers to 
be master of ceremonies, and should instrudl 
him minutely as to the details she desires 
carried out — how the wedding party shall en- 
ter the church, proceed up the aisle, etc. 

A few days before the wedding she gives a 
dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor, 
who take this opportunity to examine the 
trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom 
may come after the dinner to attend the wed- 
ding rehearsal. These rehearsals should be 
gone through carefully, and if they can be 
held at the church so much the better. Each 

49 



ETIQUETTE 

33W& {Continued) 

person should be instructed by note as to then 
duties, as this prevents confusion. 
Church. On the wedding-day, after receiving 
the bridesmaids and maid of honor at her 
house, she goes to the church with her father 
(or nearest male relative), and leans upon his 
arm as they proceed up the aisle, following 
the bridesmaids, and carrying her bridal bou- 
quet (or, if she wishes, a prayer-book). 

Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her 
father and steps forward to take the left arm 
of the groom, who advances from the chancel 
to meet her. They stand before the clergy- 
man, and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon 
rising stand about a foot apart. 

At the words of the ceremony, " Whogiveth 
this woman away ?' ' or, ' * To be married to this 
man?" her father advances and places her 
right hand in that of the clergyman, who 
places it in the groom's right hand. After 
this her father retires to his seat in the pew 
with his family. 

When the plighting of the troth comes, the 
groom receives the ring from the best man 
and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the 
clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who 
then places it on the third finger of the bride's 
left hand. When plighting the troth, the 
bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid 

50 



ETIQUETTE 

Btide (Continued) 

of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the 
glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed 
on without the glove being removed. 

The kiss at the altar is no longer in good 
form. 

At the end of the ceremony, after the clergy- 
man has congratulated the married couple, 
the bride takes her husband's right arm and 
they lead the procession to the vestibule, where 
they receive the congratulations of near 
friends. Here the maid of honor and brides- 
maids cloak and prepare the bride for the trip 
home in the groom's carriage. 

Dress. The bride is veiled, and is dressed in 
white — full dress, day or evening. Gloves 
need not be worn in the church. The brides- 
maids provide their own outfit, unless the 
bride asks them to dress in a style of her own 
selecting. In this case, she supplies them 
gowns, hats, gloves, and shoes, as she may 
wish. 

Farbwbix IyUNCHEON. While a farewell lunch- 
eon given to the bridesmaids by the bride 
is not necessary, yet it is a pleasant way for a 
woman to entertain her female friends the 
last time in her father's house. 

On this occasion it is a good plan for the 
bride to give to the maid of honor and brides- 

51 



ETIQUETTE 

Bride {Continued') 

maids her souvenirs, which, of course, should 
be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony. 

Gifts. The bride may give to the groom a ring 
as an engagement ring if she wishes. She 
should make suitable gifts to the bridesmaids 
as souvenirs of the occasion, and may also 
present them with flowers. If she presents 
boutonnitres to the best man and the ushers, 
they should appear at her house before the 
ceremony and have her place them in the 
lapel of their coats. 

She should acknowledge immediately the 
receipt of all wedding gifts. 

Gi<ovES. The bride need not wear gloves in the 
church. 

Invitations. At a church wedding the bride 
usually provides the bridesmaids with extra 
invitations for their personal use. 

Kiss. Only the parents of the bride and her 
most intimate relatives should kiss the bride. 
It is now no longer good form for all to do so. 

Seeing Groom on Wedding-day. It is not 
customary for the bride to see the groom on 
the wedding-day till she meets him at the 
altar. 

Wedding Breakfast. The bride and groom 
occupy the centre one of the small tables. 
At all wedding breakfasts it is customary 

52 



ETIQUETTE 

*Bride (Continued) 

for the guests to assemble in the drawing- 
room, and then to enter the breakfast-room 
together — the bride and groom leading the 
way. 

It is not usual to have the bridal cake at 
a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case, 
the bride makes the first cut, and the slices 
are given first to those at the bridal table. 

Wedding Reception. She should stand by her 
husband's side to receive the best wishes of all 
present. The guests are not announced, but 
are introduced by the ushers to the bride if 
not known to her. 

The bride should not leave her place to 
mingle with the guests until all have been 
introduced to her. 

Bride's Family* See Family of Bride. 

Bride's Father* See Father of Bride. 

Bride's Mother* See Mother of Bride. 

Bridegroom* See Groom. 

Bridesmaids* The bridesmaids are selected by the 
bride, and number six, eight, or twelve — 
mostly eight. She usually gives them a 
dinner a few days before the wedding, at 
which she shows them the trousseau and dis- 
cusses the details of the wedding. 

53 



ETIQUETTE 

Bridesmaids {Continued) 

The ushers and the groom are invited to 
come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal 
takes place. The bridesmaids should be 
present at this and all other rehearsals, and 
if unable to be present at the wedding should 
give the bride ample notice, that a substitute 
may be secured. 

Caij,S. They call upon the mother of the bride 
within a week or ten days after the ceremony, 
and upon the bride, in her own home, after 
her return from her wedding trip. 

Carriages. A carriage provided by the family 
of the bride calls for the bridesmaid on the 
wedding-day, and takes her to the bride's 
house. Her carriage follows the bride's to the 
church, and, after the ceremony, takes her to 
the wedding breakfast or reception. 

Church. They meet at the house of the bride, 
and there take their carriages to the church. 
While their carriages follow that of the bride, 
they alight first and receive her in the vesti- 
bule. They may carry bouquets supplied by 
the bride's family or the groom. 

In the procession up the aisle they follow 
the ushers, walking two by two, and as the 
ushers approach the altar they divide — one- 
half to the right and one-half to the left. The 
bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for 
the bridal party to pass. 

U 



ETIQUETTE 

Bridesmaids {Continued) 

In the procession down the aisle they fol- 
low the best man and maid of honor to the 
vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes 
to the bride, and congratulations to the 
groom, they return to the bride's home to 
assist in entertaining the guests at the re- 
ception or breakfast. 
Dancing. At the wedding breakfast or recep- 
tion dancing is sometimes indulged in. 

Dinner to Married Coupi,e. The bridesmaids 
usually give a dinner to the married couple 
on the latter' s return from their wedding trip. 

Drkss. They usually follow the wishes of the 
bride in the matter of dress. Should she 
desire any particular style of dress, entailing 
considerable expense, on account of novelty 
or oddity, she usually presents them the out- 
fit, which it is permissible for them to accept. 
If the bride has no particular wish, they 
decide the matter among themselves, always 
bearing in mind that their style of dress and 
material must be subordinated to that of the 
bride, and that there could be no greater ex- 
hibition of lack of refinement and good taste 
than for any bridesmaid to make herself in 
any way more attractive than the bride. 

Gifts. It is customary for them to send a wed- 
ding gift to the bride. 

55 



ETIQUETTE 

Bridesmaides {Continued) 

They usually receive a pretty souvenir 
from the bride and a bouquet from the 
groom. 

Invitations. At a large church wedding sev- 
eral invitations are usually given to the 
bridesmaids for their own personal use. 

Rehearsals. They should be present at all 
rehearsals. 

Wedding Breakfasts. They pair off with the 
ushers, and are usually seated at a table by 
themselves. 

Wedding Receptions. They stand beside the 
married couple, and are introduced to the 
guests. 

Brother at Debut A brother, when his sister's 
d£but takes the form of a supper or dinner, 
should take his sister (the debutante) into 
dinner or supper. 

Butler — Tips* It is customary for a man leaving a 
house-party where he has been a guest to 
tip the butler who adted as a valet. 

Cabinet ((7. S.), Member of— How cdddressed. An 
official letter begins : Sir, and ends : / have, 
sir, the honor to remain your most obedient 
servant. 

56 



ETIQUETTE 

Cabinet (U* S*), Member of {Continued) 

A social letter begins : My dear Mr. Wil- 
son , and ends : / liave the honor to remain 
most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : Hon. John 
J. Wilson , Secretary of State. 

Cake is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful, 
and then eaten with fingers or fork. 

Calls* Unless close intimacy exists, calls should 
only be made on the specified days. 

Asking Men to Caix on Women. A debu- 
tante should leave this matter to her mother 
or chaperone. 

A young woman, until she has had some 
experience in society, should be very careful 
in inviting men to call. 

She should not invite a man to call whom 
she has met for the first time. No man 
should be invited to call until she is assured 
of his social standing and character. 

In some parts of the country men first ask 
permission to call, and in other parts women 
first ask men to call. 

Asking Women to Caix on Women. It is 
generally the custom for the married or elder 
woman to ask the unmarried or younger 
woman to call. 

57 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued) 

Bachelors' Dinners. See Bachelors' Dinners 
—Calls. 

Breakfast. See Breakfasts—Calls. 

Best Man. See Best Man— Calls. 

Bridesmaids. See Bridesmaids — Calls. 

Chaperoneb. See Chaperones — Men Calling. 

Business. A business man may call in street 
dress upon a woman before six o'clock. 

Social visits may be made in the same 
manner. 

Days at Home. Calls should only be made on 
the regular ' ' At Home ' ' days, and the 
hostess should always be present on that day. 
Very intimate friends may set aside this rule. 

Debutante. See Debutante— Calls. 

Dress. When making an afternoon call, a man 
would wear afternoon dress, and evening 
dress in making an evening call. 

High Tea. See High Tea— Calls. 

Hours. When no special day for receiving is 
indicated, calls may be made at any proper 
hour, according to the custom of the locality. 
Men of leisure may call at the fashionable 
hours from two till five in the afternoon, while 
business and professional men may call be- 
tween eight and nine in the evening, as their 
obligations prevent them from observing the 
fashionable hours. 

58 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls (Continued) 
Length. A formal call may last from fifteen to 
thirty minutes. Old friends may stay longer. 

Luncheons. See Luncheon — Calls. 

Men. After Entertainments. After an en- 
tertainment a man should call in person on 
host and hostess, whether the invitation was 
accepted or not. If a card is sent or mailed, 
it should be accompanied with an apology. 

To call on an acquaintance in an opera 
box does not relieve one of the duty of mak- 
ing a formal call in return for social favors. 

When calling on the hostess but not on 
the host, a man should leave a card for him. 
If the hostess be out, he should leave two 
cards. 

Married men can return their social obliga- 
tions to women by personal calls, or the 
women of the family can leave the men's 
cards with their own. 

A call should be made the day following a 
luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a 
dinner, or at least within a week. A call 
should be made within a week after a ball. 

After a theatre party given by a man, he 
should call within three days on the woman 
he escorted, or leave his card, and should 
call within a week on the remainder of his 
guests. 

69 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued) 
Men Calling on Men. At the beginning of 
the season it is usual to leave a card for each 
member of a family called on — one card for 
husband, wife, il misses, " and guest, or rest 
of the family. Sometimes two cards answer 
the purpose. 

They may be sent by mail or messenger. 
Men Calling on Women. A man should call 
only on "At Home" days, especially when 
making the first call, unless specially invited. 
He should call at the hour appointed. 

When no special day for receiving is indi- 
cated, calls may be made at any proper hour, 
according to the custom of the locality. Men 
of leisure may call at the fashionable hours 
— from two till five o'clock. 

Business and professional men may call 
between eight and nine o'clock, as their obli- 
gations prevent them from observing the 
fashionable hours. 

A business man may call in street dress 
before six o'clock, and the same dress in the 
evening, if intimately acquainted. 

Informal calls may be made on Sunday 
after three o'clock by business and profes- 
sional men, provided there are no religious or 
other scruples on the part of those receiving 
the calls. 

Evening or other than mere formal calls 

60 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued') 

should not be made, save by special invita* 
tion. 

The first call should last not longer than 
ten or fifteen minutes. It is correal to ask 
for all the women of the family. 

At the first call he should give his card at 
the door. At following calls it is optional 
whether to give a card or merely the name, 
asking at the same time for the person one 
desires to see. When the servant's intelli- 
gence seems doubtful, or the name is an 
unusual one, it is safer to give a card. 

When a woman invites a man to call with- 
out specifying when, it is not considered as 
an invitation at all, but merely as a formal 
courtesy. 

It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or 
otherwise an invitation to call from a woman. 
It is her privilege to make the first move in 
such matters; otherwise she would be placed 
in an embarrassing position. 

When an invitation specifies the hour, 
every effort should be made to be punctual. 
It is impolite to be too early or too late. 

At a formal call, when others are present, 
a man should not be seated unless invited to 
do so. He should leave as others come in, 
and not remain longer than ten or fifteen 
minutes. 

61 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued) 

A man having a card or letter of introduc- 
tion to a young woman should present it in 
person to the chaperone. If she is out, he 
should mail it to her, and she should at once 
notify him whether he may call. 

If a caller is a stranger to the young 
woman's hostess, he should send his card to 
the latter and ask to see her. 

The chaperone may, if desirable, give a 
man permission to call upon the woman 
under her charge. 

A man should not call upon an unmarried 
woman until invited by her to do so. He 
may ask a married woman who has si family 
for permission to call. 

Gloves. Gloves need not bejremoved at a formal 
or brief call. 

Entertainments. At entertainments a man 
should give his card to the servant at the 
door or leave it in the hall. 

A few appropriate words of greeting should 
be addressed to the hostess and host as soon 
after entering as possible. 

Personal introductions are not absolutely 
required at musicales, teas, * ' At Homes, ' ' etc. 
One may converse with those nearest, but 
this does not warrant future recognition. 

When light repasts are served, as teas, ices, 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued) 

etc, a man should put his napkin on his 
knee and hold the plate in his hand. 

He should depart with as little ceremony 
as possible — a bow and a smile, if host and 
hostess are engaged, are sufficient. He 
should not shake hands and try to speak un- 
less it can be done without becoming con- 
spicuous. 

Men Caujng on Women — Hat. A man mak- 
ing a formal or brief call should carry his 
hat in his hand into the parlor. 

Shaking Hands. A man should not offer to 
shake hands first, as that is the privilege of 
the women. 

Men — Dress. In making ceremonious calls, men 
wear afternoon dress, and after six o'clock 
evening dress. 

See also Afternoon Dress — Men. Evening 
dress — Men. 

P all-bearers. See Pall-bearers — Calls. 

Theatre. See Theatre — Calls. 

Ushers. See Ushers — Calls. 

Wedding Invitations. Very intimate friends 
can call personally. Friends of the groom 
who have no acquaintance with the bride's 
family should send their cards to those in- 
viting them. 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued) 

Those who do not receive wedding invita- 
tions, announcement, or "At Home ' ' cards 
should not call on the married couple, but 
consider themselves as dropped from their 
circle of acquaintance. 
Women Receiving and Inviting Men. The 
invitation to call should be extended by the 
woman, and if she does not specify the time, 
will naturally be considered as an act of 
courtesy, but not as an invitation. 

These invitations should be given with great 
care by young women. It is better to have 
the invitation extended by her mother or 
chaperone. 

A married woman may ask a man to call, 
especially if she have unmarried daughters. 
An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to 
specify. A man may ask a married woman 
who has a family for permission to call. 

At the beginning of a season, a man who 
desires the further acquaintance of a woman 
should leave his card in person for all the 
members of the family. 

A formal call, or the first call of the sea- 
son, should not last longer than ten or fifteen 
minutes. It is proper for the man to inquire 
for all the women of the family. 

A man should call only on "At Home" 
days, unless especially invited to come at 

64 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued) 

other times. The hostess should be home on 
all "At Home" days, unless sickness or 
other good cause prevents. 

In the absence of "At Home " days, or 
specified time, calls may be received at any 
proper hour, according to the locality of the 
place. 

When men make a formal call at other than 
specified time, the hostess may justly excuse 
herself. The caller would have no ground 
for offense. 

Intimate friends need not hold to formal 
hours for paying calls. 

Men of leisure should call only at fashion- 
able hours — from two to five in the afternoon. 

Evening calls should not be made by other 
than business or professional men, unless the 
acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless 
they are specially invited. 

Business and professional men may call be- 
tween eight and nine o y clock, as their obliga- 
tions prevent them from observing the fash- 
ionable hours. 

Informal calls may be made on Sunday 
after three o'clock by business and professional 
men, provided there are no religious or other 
scruples on the part of those receiving the 
calls. 

A business man may call in street dress 

65 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls (Continued) 

before six o'clock in the evening, or thereafter 
if intimacy warrants. 

Evening, or other than mere formal calls, 
should not be made, save by special invita- 
tion. 

A man should leave his card when calling. 
If his hostess is married, he should leave 
one also for the host. If she is out, he 
should leave two. 

When calling upon a young woman whose 
hostess is not known to the man, he should 
send his card to her. 

If the woman is seated when a man enters 
the room, she rises to greet him, and, if 
she wishes, shakes hands. It is her option 
to shake hands or not, and she should make 
the first advances. It is bad form for him 
to do so. 

During a formal call, when other guests 
are present, a man should remain standing 
and depart upon the entrance of others. If 
the hostess is seated at the time, she need not 
rise or shake hands, but merely bow. 

The hostess should not accompany a caller 
to the door of the parlor, but bow from her 
chair. 

Dropping in at a theatre or opera party 
does not relieve a man from making formal 
calls that may be due. 

66 



ETIQUETTE 

Calls {Continued) 

A woman's escort to a theatre party should 
call upon her within a week. If she were 
his guest, he should do so within three days, 
or send his card, with an apology. 

Business calls are priviledged, and can be 
made when convenient, although preferably 
by appointment. «*-* 

Women Receiving — Introductions. At formal 
calls conversation should be general among 
the guests. Introductions are unnecessary. 

Afternoon. See Afternoon Calls. 

Country. See Country Calls. 

Evening. See Evening Calls. 

First. See First Calls. 

Invalid's. See Invalid's Calls. 

Sunday. See Sunday Calls. 

Canceling Dinners* When it becomes necessary for 
a hostess to cancel or postpone a dinner, she 
should send as soon as possible, either by 
special delivery or messenger, a letter to each 
guest who has accepted the invitation. The 
letter, written either in the first or third per- 
son, should state the reason and express 
regrets. 

67 



ETIQUETTE 

Canceling Weddings. See Weddings — Invitations 
Recalled. 

Canes* A cane is the corredl thing for a man when 
walking, except when engaged in business. 
It should be held a few inches below the 
knob, ferrule down, and should, like umbrel- 
las, be carried vertically. 
Caxung. When making a formal or brief call 
the cane should be left in the hall. 

Cardinal— How Addressed. A letter, official or 
social, begins : Your Eminence, and ends : / 
have the honor to remain your humble servant. 
The address on the envelope is : His Emi- 
nence Cardinal Wilson. 

Cards. 
DfiBUT. See Debtft Cards. 
Debutante. See Debutante Cards. 
Infant. See Infant's Cards. 
In Memoriam. See In Memoriam Cards. 
Mourning. See Mourning Cards. 

Cards, Visiting. 

Addressing. See Addressing Cards (Visiting). 

Afternoon Teas. See Cards (Visiting), leav- 
ing in Person — Afternoon Teas. Cards (Visit- 
ing), Mail or Messenger — Afternoon Teas. 

At Home. See At Home — Cards. 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 
Birth (Announcement). See Cards (Visit- 
ing), Leaving in Person — Birth. 

Condolence. See Condolence — Cards. 

Daughter. See Daughters — Cards (Visiting). 

Garden Parties. See Garden Parties — Cards. 

Husband and Wife. When the wife is call- 
ing, she can leave cards of the husband and 
sons if it is impossible for them to do so 
themselves. 

After an entertainment, cards of the family 
can be left for the host and hostess by either 
the wife or any of the daughters. 

See also Mr. and Mrs. Card. 

Leaving in Person. When cards with a mes- 
sage of congratulation are left in person, 
nothing should be written on it. 

Leaving in Person — Afternoon Teas. 
Women leave cards of their male relatives 
as well as their own, although their names 
may be announced upon entering the drawing- 
room. Guests leave their cards in a recep- 
tacle provided, or give them to the ^crvant 
at the door. 

Men. A bachelor should not use At Home 
cards as a woman does, nor to invite his 
friends by writing a date and Music at four 
on his calling card in place of an invitation. 

69 

Etiq.—-3 



ETIQUBTTB 

Cards, Visiting (Continued) 
Mkn— IyEAviNG in Pkrson. When returning 
to town after a long absence, a man should 
leave cards having his address. 

When calling upon a young woman whose 
hostess is not known by the man, he should 
send his card to her. 

At the beginning of a season, a man should 
leave two cards for all those whose entertain- 
ments he is in the habit of attending, or on 
whom he pays social calls. These cards 
may also be mailed. If left in person, there 
should be one for each member of the f amily 
called upon, or only two cards. In the 
former there should be left one card for the 
host, one for the hostess, one for the 
' ' misses, ' ' and one for the rest of the family 
and their guest. 

Men of leisure should leave their own 
cards, while business men can have them 
left by the women of the family. 

The corner of the card should not be 
turned down. 

Cards are now left in the hall by the ser- 
vant and the caller is announced. In busi- 
ness calls the card is taken to the person for 
whom the caller asked. 

When calling, a man should leave a card 
whether the hostess is at home or not. 

P. P. C. car^s may be left in person or 

70 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting (Coiitinued) 

sent by mail upon departure from city, or 
on leaving winter or summer resort. 

When a man calls upon a young woman 
whom a hostess is entertaining, he should 
leave cards for both. 

When a man calls upon another man, if he 
is not at home, he should leave a card. 

When a man calls on the hostess but not 
the host he should leave a card for him. 
If the hostess is out, he should leave two 
cards — one for each. 

Breakfasts, Luncheons, Dinners. A man 
should leave a card the day after a breakfast, 
luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, 
whether the invitation was accepted or not. 
They may also be sent by mail or messenger, 
with an apology for so doing. 

Bau,s, Subscription. Shortly after receiving 
an invitation to a subscription ball, a man 
should leave a card for the patroness inviting 
him. 

Debutante. When calling upon a debutante a 
man should leave cards for her mother, 
whether the entertainment was attended or 
not. 

Entertainment by Men. After a man's formal 
entertainment for men, a man should leave a 
card within one week, whether the event was 

71 



, ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 

attended or not. It can be sent by mail or 
messenger. 

Reception. When the host and hostess receive 
together, a man should leave one card for 
both, and if not present at the reception, he 
should send two cards. 

Theatre . After a theatre party given by a 
man, he should call within three days on the 
woman he escorted or leave his card. 

Wedding Reception. After a wedding recep- 
tion a man should leave a card for the host 
and hostess, and another for the bridal 
couple. 

If a man has been invited to the church 
but not to the wedding reception, he should 
leave a card for the bride's parents and the 
bridal couple, or should mail a card. 

Sending by Mail or Messenger. After an 
entertainment a man should call in person on 
host and hostess, whether the invitation was 
accepted or not. If a card is mailed or sent, 
it should be accompanied with an apology. 

At the beginning of the season a man 
should leave cards for all those whose enter- 
tainments he is in the habit of attending, or 
on whom he pays social calls. These cards 
may also be mailed. If left in person, there 
should be one for each member of the house- 
hold or only two cards. 

TO 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting (Co?itinued) 

In the former case, there should be left one 
card for the host, one for the hostess, one for 
the "misses," and one for the rest of the 
family and the guest. 

If a man is unable to make a formal call 
upon a debutante and her mother at her 
debut, he should send his card by mail or 
messenger. 

A man may mail his card to a woman 
engaged to be married, if acquaintance 
warrants. 

Visitors to town should send cards to every 
one whom they desire to see. The address 
should be written on them. 
Afternoon Tea. If a man is unable to be 
present at an afternoon tea, he should send a 
card the same afternoon. 

Breakfasts, Luncheons, Dinners. A man 
should leave a card the day after a breakfast, 
luncheon, or dinner for the host and hostess, 
whether the invitation was accepted or not. 
They may be sent by mail or messenger with 
an apology for so doing. 

Entertainment by Men. After a man's formal 
entertainment for men, a man should leave a 
card within one week, whether the event was 
attended or not. It can be sent by mail or 
messenger. 

73 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or mes- 
senger upon departure from city, or on leav- 
ing winter or summer resort. 

Reception. When the host and hostess receive 
together, a man should leave one card for 
both, and, if not present at the reception, he 
should send two cards. 

Wedding Reception. If a man has been in- 
vited to the church but not the wedding 
reception, he should leave or mail a card to 
the bride's parents, and also to the bridal 
couple. 
Styi<e. The full name should be used, and if 
too long, the initials only. The club address 
is put in the lower left-hand corner, and if 
not living at a club, the home address should 
be in lower right-hand corner. In the ab- 
sence of a title, Mr. is always used on an 
engraved but not a written card. 

Cards should be engraved in plain letter, 
according to prevailing fashion. 

Facsimile cards engraved are no longer 
used. 

Written cards are in bad taste, but in case 
of necessity they may be used. The name 
should be written in full if not too long, and 
should be the autograph of the sender. 

Messages or writing should not appear on 

74 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued*) 

men's cards. If address is changed, new 
cards should be engraved. In an emergency 
only the new address may be written. 

Mourning Cards are the samti size as visiting- 
cards, and a black border is used—the width 
to be regulated by the relationship of the 
deceased relative. 

Men— Styx,e, Titles. Men having titles use 
them before their names— as, Reverend, Rev., 
Mr. , Dr. , Army and Navy titles, and officers 
on retired list. L.L.D. and all professional 
titles are placed after the name. Political 
and judicial titles are always omitted. 

Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D. 
after the name. On cards intended for social 
use, office hours and other professional mat- 
ter are ommitted. 

Mr. and Mrs. See Mr. and Mrs. Cards. 

P. P. C. See P. P. C. Cards. 

Sending by Mail or Messenger. If after 
accepting an invitation it is necessary to de- 
cline, a card should be sent the evening of 
the entertainment, with an explanatory note 
the day following. 

When an invitation has been received to 
an M At Home ' ' debut, and one has not been 
able to attend, cards should be sent by mail 

75 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 

or messenger, to arrive at the time of the 
ceremony. 

A card should be mailed to a man engaged 
to be married. 
Afternoon Teas. The invitations to a formal 
afternoon tea are sent a week or ten days in 
advance by mail or messenger. No reply is 
necessary, but if unable to be present, a card 
should be sent the day of the entertainment. 

For an afternoon tea a visiting-card may 
be used, with the hour for the "tea" written 
or engraved over the date beneath the fixed 
day of that week. They may be sent by mail 
or messenger. 

Persons unable to attend should send cards 
the same afternoon. 

Birth (Announcement). If wishing to con- 
gratulate after a birth, cards should be left in 
person or sent by a messenger. Cut flowers 
may be sent with the card. 

Condolence. After a death in the family of 
an acquaintance, a card with the word Condo- 
lence written on it should be left in person or 
by messenger. For very intimate acquaint- 
ances, cut flowers may be left in person or 
sent, together with a card or letter. 

When unable to leave in person a card 
with Condolence written on it, send it to inti- 

76 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 

mate friends only with a note of apology. If 
out of town, it should be sent with a letter of 
condolence. 

Travelers. A woman visiting a place for a 
length of time should mail to her friends a 
visiting-card which contains her temporary 
address. 

A man in similar situation should call upon 
his friends, and if he does not find them at 
home, should leave his card. 

Wedding Invitations. Those present at the 
ceremony should leave cards for those invit- 
ing them, and if this is not possible, they can 
be sent by mail or messenger. 

Those invited but not present should send 
cards. 

Widow. See Widows — Cards. 

Wife. Only the wife of the oldest member of 
the oldest branch may use her husband's 
name without the initials. 

Women. Mrs. or Miss should always be used 
before the names. The cards of single 
women are smaller than those of married 
women. 

The husband's name should be used in 
full, unless too long, when the initials are 
used. Only the wife of the oldest member 
of the oldest branch may use her husband's 
name without initials. 

11 



enuuEXTs 

Cards, Visiting [Continued) 

Reception days should appear in the lower 
left-hand corner, limiting dates— -as, Until 
Lent, or in Ja?iuary, may be either engraved 
or written. 

If a special function is allotted to any re- 
ception days — as, the entertaining of special 
guests — the hour of the reception day may be 
written above the day and the date be- 
neath it. 

Daughters. See Daughters — Cards. 

Leaving in Person — Birth, Announcement 
of. If wishing to send congratulations, 
after receipt of a birth announcement card, 
cards should be left in person or sent by a 
messenger; cat flowers may be sent with the 
card. 

Before the wedding cards are issued, an 
engaged woman should leave her card per- 
sonally upon her friends without entering the 
house. 

When calling at the beginning of the sea- 
son a woman should leave her own card, 
those of the men of the family, and tw 7 o of 
her husband's. 

After formal invitations, a woman should 
leave her own card and those of the men of 
the family who were invited, whether they 
attended or not. 

7<S 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 

When callihg formally a woman should 
leave a card, whether the hostess is at home 
or not. 

When a woman calls upon a well-known 
friend, it is not necessary to send up a card. 

When making a call at a hotel or other 
public place, the name of the person called 
upon should be written in the upper left- 
hand corner of the card — as: 

For Mrs. Ja?ie Wilson 

The corner of the card should not be 
turned down. 

P. P. C cards may be left in person or 
sent by mail upon departure from city, or 
on leaving winter or summer resort. 

The corner of the card should not be 
turned down. 
Reception. At receptions a woman should 
leave the cards in the hall or hand them to 
the servant. 

At a n coming-out reception ' ' a woman 
should leave cards for the mother and 
daughter. 

A married man returns his social obliga- 
tions to women by personal calls, or his wife 
can do it for him by leaving his card with 
her own. 
Mother and Daughter. After her debut the 
younger of the two daughters has no card of 

79 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 

her own, as her full baptismal name appears 
on her mother's card beneath her name. A 
year after her first appearance she may have 
a card of her own. 

When a mother leaves her daughter's card, 
it is for the hostess only. 

If reception day appear on the mother's 
card, the daughters also receive on that date, 
as the daughters have no reception days of 
their own. 
Mother and Son. When a mother is calling, 
she can leave cards of her son for the host 
and hostess if it is impossible for him to do so 
himself. 

A son entering society can have his cards 
left by his mother upon a host and hostess. 
Invitations to entertainments will follow. 
Returning to Town. Cards of the entire 
family should be sent by mail to all ac- 
quaintances when returning after a pro- 
longed absence. 

When using cards, if out of town, the 
place of a woman's permanent residence can 
be written on the card — thus: New York. 
Philadelphia. 
Sending by Mail or Messenger. A woman 
visiting a place for a length of time should 
mail to her friends her visiting-card con- 
taining her temporary address. 

80 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting {Continued) 

P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail or 
messenger upon departure from city, or 
on leaving winter or summer resort. 

After a change of residence the cards of 
the entire family should be sent out as soon 
as possible. 

At the beginning of the season both mar- 
ried and single women should send their cards 
to all their acquaintances. 

Visitors to town should send cards to every 
one whom they desire to see, with the address 
written on the cards. 

For afternoon tea a visiting-card may be 
used. The hour for the tea is written or en- 
graved over, and the date beneath the fixed 
day of the week. They may be sent by mail 
or messenger. 

The cards of a debutante may be sent by 
mail or messenger. 

Mourning cards should be sent to indicate 
temporary retirement from society. Later 
cards should be sent to indicate return to 
society. 

Afternoon Tea. If a woman is unable to be 
present at an afternoon tea she should send 
her card the same afternoon. 

Wedding Reception. When invitations have 
been received to the church but not to the 

81 



ETIQUETTE 

Cards, Visiting (Continued) 

wedding reception, cards should be sent to 
the bride's parents and to the bridal couple. 

Women — Style, Titles. Women having titles 
should use them before the name— as, Rever- 
end ox Rev. Mrs. Smith. Physicians use Dr. 
before or M.D. after the name. Office hours 
and other professional matters are omitted on 
cards for social use. Husband's titles should 
never be used. The home address is put in 
the lower right-hand and the club address in 
the lower left-hand corner. 

The card of the eldest daughter in society 
is simply Miss Wilson. 

Cards of Admission to Church Weddings* These 
cards are used at all public weddings held in 
churches, and w T hen they are used no one 
should be admitted to the church without 
one. They are sent with the wedding invi- 
tations. 

Carriages* 

. Balls. See Balls—Carriages. 
Dances. See Dances — Carriages. 
Funerals. See Funerals — Carriages. 
Men. In a general way a man should provide a 
carriage when escorting a woman in evening 
dress to any function. If she does not wear 

82 



ETIQUETTE 

Carriages {Continued) 

evening dress, and they are going to an in- 
formal affair, it would be proper to take a 
street-car. 
Suppers. See Supper and Theatre Parties—Men 
— Carriages. 

Theatres. See Theatres and Opera Parties 
Given by Men— Carriages. 

Women. A woman accepting, with her mother's 
or chaperone's consent, a man's invitation to 
the theatre may, with propriety, request him 
not to provide a carriage unless full dress on 
her part is requested. 

Catholic driest — Horn) Addressed* An official letter 
begins : Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends : / 
have the ho?ior to remain your humble servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Father Wilson, 
and ends : / beg to remain faithfully yours. 

The address on the envelope is : The Rev- 
erendfohn f. Wilson. But if he holds the 
degree of D.D. (Dodlor of Divinity), the 
address is : Reverend fohn J. Wilson, D.D., 
or Reverend Dr. fohn f. Wilson. 

Celery is eaten with the fingers. 

Change of Residence. Women. After a change of 
residence, the cards of the entire family 
should be sent out as soon as possible. 



ETIQUETTE 

Chaperone* A chaperone takes precedence of her 
charge in entering drawing or dancing rooms 
and on ceremonious occasions. At an enter- 
tainment both enter together, and the chape- 
rone should introduce her protege to the 
hostess and to others. The two should re- 
main together during the evening. In a 
general way the chaperon takes under her 
charge the social welfare of her protege. 

Baixs. A mother should attend balls with her 
daughters, going and returning with them, 
and if she is not invited, it is in good taste 
for the daughters to decline the invitation. 
A father can adl as escort, if need be, instead 
of the mother. A mother can delegate her 
powers to some one else when requested to 
adl as a chaperone. 

Men Caujng. A man should ask the ^hape- 
rone's permission to call upon her protege, 
and once it is granted no further permission 
is necessary. The chaperone should be pres- 
ent while a debutante receives male callers 
the first year, and when the first call is made 
she should be present throughout the eve- 
ning, and should decide as to the necessity 
of her presence during subsequent visits. 

Cards. A chaperone introducing and accom- 
panying young women should leave her own 
card with that of her protege. 

84 



ETIQUETTE 

Chaperone (Continued) 
Dances. The chaperone should give her per- 
mission to a man who desires to dance, 
promenade, or go to supper with her charge, 
who should not converse with him at length 
save at the chaperon's side, and the chaperon 
should accompany both to supper. If with- 
out an escort, the young woman may accept 
the invitation of her last partner before sup- 
per is announced. 

Introductions. A man should never be intro- 
duced diredt by card or letter to a young 
unmarried woman. If he desires to be intro- 
duced, the letter or card of introduction 
should be addressed to her chaperone or 
mother, who may then introduce him to the 
young woman if she deems it advisable. 

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask 
a young man if he wishes to be introduced 
to the one under her care. 

Letters of Introduction. A man having a 
letter of introduction to a young woman 
should present it in person to the chaperone. 
If the latter is out when he calls, he should 
mail it to her, and she may then notify him 
when he may call, and should herself be 
present. 

Supper, Tea, Dinner. A young woman re- 
ceiving an invitation to a man's supper, tea, 

85 



ETIQUETTE 

Chaperone (Continued) 

or dinner may accept if she has the consent 
of her mother or chaperone, and is assured 
that a chaperone will be present. 
Theatres. A chaperone' s permission should be 
asked before a man's invitation to the theatre 
can be accepted. The chaperone can also 
accept, on behalf of her protege, invita- 
tions from men to theatre parties or suppers, 
if she too is invited. 

The chaperone should be present at mixed 
theatre parties — one for small, and two or 
more for larger parties and suppers. The 
chaperones may use their own carriage to 
call for the guests, and then meet the men at 
the places of entertainment. The chaperone 
should say when the entertainment shall 
close. 

UnAbi,e to be Present. When a chaperone 
is unable to fulfill her duties, she may dele- 
gate them to another, provided it is agreeable 
to all concerned. 

Cheese is first cut into small bits, then placed on 
pieces of bread or cracker, and lifted by the 
fingers to the mouth. 

China Wedding* This is the twentieth wedding an- 
niversary, and is not usually celebrated; but 
if it is, the invitation may bear the words 



ETIQUETTE 

China Wedding {Continued) 

No presents received, and congratulations may 
be extended in accepting or declining the 
invitation. An entertainment is usually pro- 
vided for. Any article of china is appro- 
priate as a gift. 

Choir-Boys at Weddings* These form a brilliant 
addition to a church wedding, and when em- 
ployed they meet the bridal party in the 
vestibule, and precede them to the altar, 
singing a hymn or other appropriate selection. 

Christening* 

DrKSS. The mother wears an elaborate reception 
gown to the church, with white gloves and 
a light hat or bonnet. 

If the ceremony is at the house, she can 
wear an elaborate tea- gown. 

The guests w r ear afternoon or evening 
dress, according whether the ceremony comes 
before or after 6 p.m. 
Flowers. A christening ceremony offers a good 
opportunity for the guests who desire to 
present flowers to the mother. This is not 
obligatory, however, and must remain a 
matter of personal taste. 
Gifts. A christening ceremony offers a good 
opportunity for the invited guests, if they 
desire, to send a present to the baby. 

87 



ETIQUETTE 

Christening {Continued) 

These should be sent a day or two before 
the ceremony, and if of silver should be 
marked with the child's name, initials, or 
monogram. 
Guests. The invitations should be promptly 
answered. 

At a church ceremony the guests, as they 
are few in number, assemble in the front 
pews. 

At a large house christening the affair is 
conducted somewhat like an afternoon recep- 
tion. Wine is drunk to the child's health, 
and the guests take leave of the hostess. 
Invitations are issued by the wife only to inti- 
mate friends, and should be promptly an- 
swered. 

If the christening is made a formal enter- 
tainment, to take place in the drawing-room, 
the invitations may be engraved. 
Men. If the ceremony is in the afternoon they 
wear afternoon dress, but at an evening 
affair evening dress. 

At an afternoon ceremony in the summer 
it is allowable for the men to wear straw 
hats and light flannel suits. 

At a large house christening the affair 
should be conduced somewhat like a recep- 
tion, and men on departing should take leave 
of the hostess. 

88 



ETIQUETTE 

Christening (Continued*) 
Women dress as they would for an afternoon re- 
ception if the ceremony comes in the after- 
noon, and if it comes after breakfast or 
luncheon, as they would for a breakfast or 
luncheon. 

At a large house christening the affair 
should be conducted like a reception, and 
women should take leave of the hostess on 
their departure. 

Church* A man usually follows the woman, who 
leads to the pew, and he enters after her, 
closing the door as he does so. 

He should find the places in the service 
book for her. 

This same courtesy he should extend to a 
woman who is a stranger to him. 

Clergyman. 

Christening Fee. It is customary to send a 
fee to the officiating clergyman, unless he is 
a relative or a near friend. 

Evening Dress. Custom permits a clergyman 
to wear his clerical dress at all functions at 
which other men wear evening dress; or, 
if he wishes, he may also wear the regulation 
full dress. The wearing of either is a matter 
of taste. 



ETIQUETTE 

Clergyman {Continued) 
How Addressed. All mail and correspondence 
should be addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith , but 
in conversation a clergyman should be ad- 
dressed as Mr. Smith. If he has received 
the degree of D.D. (Dodlor of Divinity) 
from some educational institution, then he is 
addressed as Dr. Smith , and his mail should 
be addressed as Rev. Dr. Smith. 

Wedding Ceremony. The officiating clergy- 
man (minister or priest) is seledled by the 
bride, who usually chooses her family min- 
ister, and the latter is then called upon by 
the groom with regard to the details. If a 
very intimate friend or relative of the groom 
is a clergyman, it is in good taste for the 
bride to ask him either to officiate or to assist. 
If from any cause — as, living outside the 
State— the clergyman is unable to legally 
perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be 
present to legalize the ceremony, and should 
receive a fee. 

Carriage. A carriage should be provided by 
the groom to take the clergyman to the 
church, then to the reception, and thence to 
his house. 

Fee. A fee should be paid the clergyman by 
the groom through the best man, who should 
hand it to him immediately after the cere- 

90 



ETIQUETTE 

Clergyman {Continued) 

mony. If two or three clergymen are present 
and assist, the fee of the officiating clergy- 
man is double that of the others . The clergy- 
man should receive at least five dollars in gold, 
clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope, 
or more, in proportion to the groom's finan- 
cial condition and social position. 

Wedding Reception. The clergyman should 
always be invited to the reception. 

Club. 
Address. If residing at a club, a man's visiting- 
card should have his club's name in the lower 
right-hand corner; if not, the name should 
be put in lower left-hand corner. 

Stationery. This is always in good form for 
social correspondence by men. 

Coaching. See Driving. 

Coachman — Tips. It is customary when a guest 
leaves a house party after a visit to give the 
coachman a tip. 

College Degrees. Custom, good taste, and the fit- 
ness of things forbid a college man having 
engraved on his visiting-card his college 
degrees — as, A.B., A.M., etc. 

91 



ETIQUETTE 

Commerce, Secretary of — How Addressed* An 
official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, 
sir, the honor to remain your most obedient 
servant, 

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wil- 
son, and ends: / have the honor to remain 
most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John 
J. Wilson, Secretary of Commerce. 

Committees — Public Balls. Public balls are conduced 
like private ones, and the etiquette is the 
same for the guests. The difference in their 
management is that in place of a hostess her 
functions and duties are filled by commit- 
tees selected by the organization giving the 
ball. 

Conclusion of a Letter. The standard conclusions of 
letters are: / remain sincerely yours, or, Be- 
lieve me faithfully yours. 

For business correspondence the standard 
conclusions are: Yours truly, or, Very truly 
yours. 

For relatives and dear friends the standard 
forms are: Affectionately yours, or, Devotedly 
yours. 

One should avoid signing a letter with 
only initials, Christian name, surnames, or 
diminutives. 

92 



ETIQUETTE 

Conclusion of a Letter {Continued') 

Men. In writing formally on business to a 
woman he know T s slightly, a man could say : 
/ am respectfully yours. When not on busi- 
ness he could write : / beg to remain yours to 
command. 

He should avoid a signature like: J. Jones 
Wilson, but write : James J. Wilson 

Women. In social correspondence a married 
woman should sign: Minnie Wilson ^ and not: 
Mrs. John Wilson. If she wants to make 
known in a business letter the fact of her be- 
ing married, and may not know if the person 
addressed knows the fadl, she may write : 

Minnie Wilson 
{Mrs. John Wilson) 

An unmarried woman would sign her name 
as: Minnie Wilson, and if wishing not to be 
taken for a widow would sign: Miss Minnie 
Wilson. 

Condolence* 

Calls. When death occurs in the family of a 
friend, one should call in person and make 
kindly inquiries for the family and leave a 
card, but should not ask to see those in 
trouble unless a very near and dear acquaint- 
anceship warrants. 

For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flow- 

93 



ETIQUETTE 

Condolence {Continued) 

ers may be left in person or sent, together 
with a card, unless the request has been made 
to send none. 

Cards. A visiting-card is used with the word 
Co7idolence written on it, and should be left 
in person if possible, but may be sent or 
mailed to intimate friends only if accompanied 
by a note of apology. If out of town, it 
should be sent by mail with letter of condo- 
lence. 

A Mr. and Mrs. card may be used at any 
time for condolence, except for intimate 
friends. 

Letters- Only the most intimate and dear 
friends should send letters of condolence, and 
they may send flowers with the note unless 
the request has been made to send none. 

Congratulations* 

Birth, Announcement of. If wishing to 
send congratulations after a birth, cards 
should be left in person or sent by messenger 
Cut flowers may be sent with the card. 

Cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can be used at any 
time for congratulations. If left in person, 
which is preferable, the card should be ac- 
companied by a kindly message, and if sent 
by mail or messenger the word Congratu- 
lates should be written on it. Business 

94 



ETIQUETTE 

Congratulations {Continued) 

and professional men are not required to 
make personal calls, and so may send their 
cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can be used for 
all but near friends. 

When a card is left in person, with a mes- 
sage of congratulations, nothing should be 
written thereon. 

A man may mail his card to a woman en- 
gaged to be married, if acquaintance warrants 
the adlion. 

Congratulations upon the birth of a child 
may be expressed by a man to its father by 
sending a card with the word Congratu- 
lations written on it, or by leaving it in 
person. 

A card should be mailed to a man engaged 
to be married. 
Weddings. Congratulations may be sent with 
letter of acceptance or declination to a wed- 
ding to those sending the invitations. And 
if acquaintance with bride and groom war- 
rant, a note of congratulations may be sent to 
them also. 

Guests in personal conversation with the 
latter give best wishes to the bride and con- 
gratulations to the groom. 
Wedding Anniversaries. In accepting or de- 
clining invitations to wedding anniversaries, 
congratulations may be extended. 



ETIQUETTE 

Conversation at Dinners* Aim at bright and general 
conversation, avoiding all personalities and 
any subject that all cannot join in. This 
is largely determined by the character of the 
company. The guests should accomodate 
themselves to their surroundings. 

Cooks — Tips* It is customary for men who have 
been guests at a house party when they 
leave to remember the cook by sending her 
a tip. 

Corn on the Cob is eaten with the fingers of one hand. 
A good plan is to cut off the kernels and eat 
them with the aid of a fork. 

Corner of Card Turned Down* This is no longer 
done by persons when calling and leaving 
cards. 

Correspondence* How to address official and social 
letters. See under title of person addressed 
— as, Archbishop, etc. 

Costume Balls* — habitations* Invitations are similar 
to invitations to balls, except that they have 
in place of dancing in the lower left-hand 
corner: Costume of the XVIIIth Century \ Bal 
Masque , or Bal Poudre. 

96 



ETIQUETTE 

Cotillions. Germans are less formal than balls. 
Supper precedes the dancing. Those who 
do not dance or enjoy it can leave before 
that time. 

The etiquette is the same as for balls. 
Dress. The regulation evening dress is worn. 
Hostess. The rules governing a hostess when 
giving a ball are the same for a cotillion, 
with this addition: that there should be an 
even number of men and women, and, failing 
this, more men than women. 

It is for the hostess to choose the leader 
of the cotillion, and to him are entrusted all 
its details. 

At the conclusion of the cotillion the host- 
ess stands at the door with the leader at 
her side, to receive the greetings and the com- 
pliments of the guests. 

See also Balls — Hostess. 
Invitations. The invitations are engraved, and 
the hour for beginning is placed in the lower 
left-hand corner, and are sent out two weeks 
in advance. They may be sent in one 
envelope. 

Such invitations should be promptly ac- 
cepted or declined. 

Cotillions by Subscriptions, These are given by lead- 
ing society women, who subscribe to a fund 
sufficient to pay all expenses of the enter- 

97 



ETIQUETTE 

Cotillions by Subscriptions {Continued) 

tainment. The} r are usually held in some 
fashionable resort where suitable accommo- 
dations can be had. 

Guests are shown to the cloak-room, where 
attendants check their wraps. 

After the supper, the German, or cotillion, 
begins. Those not dancing in this generally 
retire. When leaving, guests should take 
leave especially of the patroness inviting 
them. 

Dress. Full dress is worn by all. 

Invitations. The patronesses whose names ap- 
pear on the back of the cards are the sub- 
scribers. They send out the invitations to 
their friends, A presentation card, to be 
shown at the door, is sent with the invitation. 

Men. Men wear evening dress. 

The men wait upon their partners and 
themselves at the table, the waiters assisting, 
unless small tables are used, when the patron- 
esses sit by themselves, and others form 
groups as they like. The guests are served 
by the waiters, as at a dinner. 

When retiring, guests should take leave 
especially of the patroness inviting them. 

Patronesses. The patronesses stand in line to 
receive the guests, bowing or shaking hands 
as they prefer. 
98 



ETIQUETTE 

Cotilltons by Subscriptions {Continued) 

When supper is announced, the leading- 
patroness leads the way with her escort, the 
others following. If small tables are used, 
the patronesses sit by themselves. 
Women. Women wear full dress. 

When guests depart, they should take 
leave especially of the patroness inviting 
them. 

Countess — Haw cAddressed. An official letter be- 
gins : Madam, and ends : I have the honor to 
remain your Ladyship 's most obedient servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Ho7iorable The Co?mtess of Ke?it. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lady Kent, 
and ends : Believe me, dear Lady Kent, sin- 
cerely yours. 

The address is : To the Countess of Kent. 

Country Calls,. The usual rule in calling is for the 
residents to call first upon the temporary 
cottage people, and between these latter the 
early comers call first upon those coming 
later. 

In the city there is no necessity for neigh- 
bors to call upon each other. 

Crackers should be broken into small pieces and 
eaten with the fingers. 

99 



ETIQUETTE 

Crests* If men and women wish, these may be 
stamped in the latest fashionable colors on 
their stationery. It is not customary to use 
a crest and a stamped address on the same 
paper. 

The present fashion in crests is that they 
should be of small size. 

It is not usual to stamp the crest on the 
flap of the envelope. 

If sealing-wax is used, some dull color 
should be chosen. 

A person should avoid all individual eccen- 
tricities and oddities in stamping, such as 
facsimile autographs, etc. 

Crystal Weddings* This anniversary comes after 
fifteen years of married life, and the invita- 
tions may bear the words : No presents 
received, and on their acceptance or declina- 
tion, congratulations may be extended. An 
entertainment should be provided for. Any 
article of crystal or glass is appropriate as a 
gift. 

Dances* 

Carriages. A man should secure his carriage- 
check when leaving his carriage. It is safer 
to take wraps and coats to the house in case 
of accidents. 

100 



ETIQUETTE 

Dances (Continued) 

When taking a woman wearing evening 
dress to a ball or dance, a man should pro- 
vide a carriage. 

Debutante. See Dances — Women — Debu- 
tante. 

Dress. Evening dress is worn by men and 
women. 

Dinner Invitations. The hostess issues two 
sets of invitations — one for those invited to 
both dinnei and dance, and one for those in- 
vited to the dance only. 

For the former, the hostess should use her 
usual engraved dinner cards, with the written 
words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter 
her usual engraved At Home cards, with the 
written words: Dancing at eleven. 

A less formal wa3 r is to use, instead of 
the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card, 
or Mrs. and Miss card, with the following 
written in the lower left-hand corner: Da?ic- 
ing at ten, March the second. R. S. V. P. 

Invitations. These should be acknowledged 
by an acceptance, or declined, with a note of 
regret within one week. 

Men. Asking a Woman to Dance. A man 
asks for the privilege of a dance, either w T ith 
the daughter of the hostess or with any guest 
of the latter or any young woman receiving 
with her. 

101 

Etiq.— 4 



ETIQUETTE 

Dances {Continued) 

On being introduced to a woman, he may 
ask her for a dance, and lie should be prompt 
in keeping his appointment. 

It is her privilege to end the dance, and, 
when it is ended, he should condudt her to 
her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find 
her a seat — after which he is at perfedt lib- 
erty to go elsewhere. 

If for any cause a man has to break his 
engagements to dance, he should personally 
explain the matter to every woman with 
whom he has an engagement and make a 
suitable apology. 

DfiBUTANTK. At a debutante's reception the 
first partner is seledled by the mother, usu- 
ally the nearest and dearest friend, who 
dances but once, and the others follow. 

Invitations. Invitations to balls or assemblies 
should be answered immediately; if declined, 
the ticket should be returned. A man should 
call or leave cards a few days before the 
affair. 
Supper. At balls and assemblies where small 
tables are provided, a man should not sit 
alone with his partner, but make up a party 
in advance, and keep together. 

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her 
table, she should provide a partner for him. 
102 



ETIQUETTE 

dances {Continued) 

At supper the senior patroness leads the 
way, escorted by the man honored for the 
occasion. 

If one large table is provided, the men, 
assisted by the waiters, serve the women. 
When small tables are used the patron- 
esses generally sit by themselves, and the 
guests group themselves to their own satis- 
faction. 
Patronesses. Their duties are varied and re- 
sponsible — among them, the subscription to 
the expenses of the entertainments. 

The patronesses should be divided into 
various committees to attend to special duties 
— as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, 
the ball-room, and all other details. 

While affairs of this kind could be left in 
the hands of those employed to carry out the 
details, it is better and safer for each commit- 
tee to follow the various matters out to the 
smallest details. 

Those devising new features and surprises 
for such an occasion will give the most suc- 
cessful ball. 

The one most adlive and having the best 
business ability should take the lead. 

Lists should be compared, in order to avoid 
duplicate invitations. 

The tickets should be divided among the 

103 



ETIQUETTE 

^Dances {Continued) 

patronesses, who, in turn, distribute them 
among their friends. 

The patronesses should be at the ball-room 
in ample time before the arrival of the guests, 
to see that all is in readiness. 

They should stand together beside the en- 
trance to welcome the guests. They should 
see, as far as possible, that the proper intro- 
ductions are made, and that every one is en- 
joying the evening, their own pleasure com- 
ing last. 

If time permits, a hasty introduction to 
the patroness beside her may be made by a 
patroness, but it should not be done if there 
is the slightest possibility of blocking up the 
entrance. 

A nod of recognition here and there, or a 
shake of the hands with some particular 
friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged 
conversation should be avoided. 

A patroness should not worry over the 
affair, or leave anything to be done at the last 
minute. If she has to worry, she should 
not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure 
of others. 

They should be the last to leave as well as 
the first to arrive, to see that the affair closes 
brilliantly. 



104 



ETIQUETTE 

Dances (Continued) 

Supper. The senior patroness leads the way 
to supper, escorted b} T the man honored for 
the occasion. 

If one large table is provided, the men, 
assisted by the waiters, serve the women. 
When small tables are used, the patronesses 
generally sit by themselves, and the guests 
group themselves to their own satisfaction. 

If a patroness asks a man to sit at her 
table, she should provide a partner for him, 
and in case of a previous engagement, he 
should notify her by mail. 
Women. A woman should always keep any en- 
gagement made, if possible. If, for a good 
reason, it is desired to break one, she should 
do so in ample time to enable the man to 
secure a partner. 

It is bad form to refuse one partner for a 
dance and to accept another for the same 
dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a 
woman should lose that dance unless pre- 
viously engaged. 

A woman may refuse to dance at a public 
entertainment. 

A young woman chaperoned should not ac- 
cept a man's invitation, unless he first asks 
permission of her chaperone. 

It is not good taste to keep late hours at an 
informal dance. 

105 



ETIQUETTE 

Dances {Continued') 

In round dances the man supports the 
woman with his right arm around the waist, 
taking care not to hold her too closely. Her 
right hand is extended, held by his left hand, 
and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder, 
her head erect. 

When tired, the woman should indicate a 
desire to stop dancing. 

When the dancing ends, the woman takes 
her partner's arm and strolls about a few min- 
utes. He then condudls her to her seat by 
her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, ex- 
cuses himself. 

When supper is announced, and the young 
woman and her chaperone are in conversation 
with the man who danced with her last, the}^ 
should accept his offer as escort if they are 
not already provided with one. 

If a womau is without escort when supper 
is announced, she must rely upon attendants 
or members of the host's family. 

At balls and assemblies where small tables 
are provided for the supper, the woman should 
not sit alone at a table with her partner, but 
she should have others present also. 
Debutante. At a debutante's reception the 
first partner is selected by the mother, usually 
the nearest and dearest friend, who dances 
but once with her, and the others follow. 

106 



ETIQUETTE 

Dances {Format)* 

Host. When supper is announced, the host 
leads the way with his partner, followed by 
hostess and escort, the rest following, 

Hostess. She should limit the number of guests 
to the capac^ of the house. 

Invitations should include more men than 
women, for some men may not attend, and 
of those who do come, some may not 
dance. 

An awning and carpet should be spread 
from curb to steps. The man stationed at 
the curb should open carriage doors for 
arriving and departing guests, distribute car- 
riage-checks, and tell the drivers at what 
hour to return. 

The servant opening the door diredls the 
guests to their respective dressing-rooms. 

A small orchestra should be provided and 
concealed behind palms or flowers. 

In the absence of polished floors, carpets 
should be covered with linen crash, tightly 
and securely laid, in order to stand the strain 
of dancing. 

Friends may assist in taking care of the 
guests, making introductions, etc. 

Supper. Supper may be served at one large 
table or many small ones, as desired. 



107 



ETIQUETTE 

Dances (Informal)* Dances 01 this character lack all 
possible formality. The invitations may be 
written or verbal, 

Piano music is all that is required, played 
by one of the family or a professional. 

Refreshments of a suitable nature are pro- 
vided. 
See also Chaperone. Dances. 

Dancing* 
Introductions. The man must be introduced 
to the woman, and should ask her for the 
pleasure of a dance. 

Men. A man should greet the host as soon as 
possible after seeing the hostess. 

At any function where patronesses are 
present, a man should bow to the one invit- 
ing him, and give her a few words of greet- 
ing. 

At balls all men should dance, and those 
who do not, have no place there, though 
invited. 

If a man comes alone and has no partner, 
he should seek hostess or assistants, and re- 
quest an introduction to women who dance. 

After a dance a man should take a short 
stroll about the room with his partner before 
returning to her chaperone. Before retiring 
he may converse with her in general terms, 

108 



ETIQUETTE 

Dancing {Continued) 

from which he should have refrained pre- 
viously. 

A man escorting one or more women 
should see that they are cared for w 7 hen sup- 
per is announced. 

A man in conversation with a woman when 
supper is announced, if she is not engaged, 
may offer to take her into supper. Her 
chaperone should be invited at the same 
time. 

Introductions should be made as much as 
possible before the dancing begins. 

If introduced to a young woman, and she 
is free of engagement for the next dance, the 
man should invite her to dance. 

Before asking a chaperoned woman to 
dance, the man should ask permission of her 
chaperone. 

A man should pay especial attention to the 
women of the house, and invite them to 
dance as early as possible. 

A man should seek out those women w r ho, 
for some reason, are neglecfted by selfish 
men, especially unmarried women, and invite 
them to dance. 

Men should keep engagements a few min- 
utes before each dance. 

If for some good reason it is desired to 
break an engagement, it should be done so 

109 



ETIQUETTE 

Dancing (Continued) 

as to leave ample time for the other to secure 
a partner for that dance. , 

In round dances, the man supports the 
woman with right arm about her waist, taking 
care not to hold her too closely. His left 
hand holds her right one, both extended. 

The woman should indicate when she de- 
sires to stop dancing. 

All persons should be at a formal dance 

not later than half an hour after the hour-set. 

A man should secure his carriage-check. 

It is safer to take wraps and coats to the 

house in case of accidents. 

Gi,ovES. Gloves should be worn at formal 
dances, and should be put on before entering 
the room. 

Shaking Hands. It is not customary to shake 
hands at formal dances. 

Smoking. Smoking should not be allowed in 
the dressing-room, but a special room should 
be provided. Men who dance should not 
smoke until leaving the house. 

Women. The time for the formal dance is indi- 
cated on the invitation, and all should be 
there not later than half an hour after the 
time set. 

At private dances the maid takes and calls 
for the young woman in the absence of a male 
escort. 

110 



ETIQUETTE 

Dancing {Continued) 

Young women should be chaperoned at all 
formal dances by their mother or others. 

Introductions should be made as much as 
possible before the dancing begins. 

Daughters. 

Caeds. The card of the eldest daughter in 
society is simply Miss Wilson, and upon her 
death or marriage the card ©f the next 
daughter becomes the same. Where there 
are unmarried aunts and cousins having the 
father's name, only the eldest daughter of 
the eldest man can use the form Miss Wilson. 

If two or more sisters enter society at 
about the same time, their names may appear 
on their mother's card as The Misses Wilson. 

The name of the younger daughter should 
appear in full on her mother's card — as, Miss 
Mary Jane Wilson. 

Until the younger daughter has formally 
made her debut, she visits only intimate 
friends of the family. After her debut she 
has no card, and her full baptismal name 
appears on her mother's card, beneath her 
name, and not until a year or two after her 
first appearance does she have a card of her 
own. 

When a mother leaves her daughter's card, 
it is for the hostess only. 

Ill 



ETIQUETTE 

Daughters (Continued) 

If reception days appear on the mother s 
card, the daughters also receive on that day, 
as they have no reception date of their 
own. 

After an entertainment the cards of the 
family may be left for the host and hostess 
by the eldest daughter. 

The eldest daughter has her own circle of 
acquaintances, and can visit and receive in- 
dependently of her mother. 
Duties at Bai^ls. See Balls — Duties of 
Daughters. 

Daughter of Baron — Hcnv Addressed. An official 
letter begins : Madam, and ends: / have the 
ko?ior to remai?i , Madam, your obedie?it servant, 

A social letter begins: Dear Miss Wilson, 
and ends: Believe me, I remain sincerely yours. 

The envelope addressed to the eldest 
daughter reads: To the Honorable Miss Wil- 
son, but to a 3^ounger daughter: To the 
Honorable Minnie Wilson, 

Daughter of Duke — How c/lddressed. An official 
letter begins: Madam, and ends : I have the 
honor to remain your Ladyship' s most obedient 
servant. 

The address on the envelope is: To the 
Right Honorable the Lady Jane F, Wilson, 

112 



ETIQUETTE 

Daughter of Duke {Continued) 

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane, 
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very 
faithfully yours. 

The address is: To the Lady Jane F. Wilson. 

Daughters of Earl— How (Addressed. An official 
letter begins: Madam, and ends: I have the 
honor to remaiji your Ladyship" s most obedient 
servant. 

The address on the envelope is: To the 
Right Honorable the Lady Ja?ie F. Wilson. 

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane, 
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very 
faithfully yours. 

The address is: To the Lady Jane F. 
Wilson. 

Daughter of Marquis— How cAddressed. An official 
letter begins: Madam, and ends: / have the 
honor to remain your Ladyship' s most obedient 
servant. 

The address on the envelope is: To the 
Right Honorable the Lady Jane F. Wilson. 

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Jane, 
and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very 
faithfully yours. 

The address is : To the Lady Jane F. 
Wilson. 

1X3 



ETIQUETTE 

Daughter of Viscount— -Hew Addressed* An official 
letter begins: Madam, and ends: / have the 
ho?iorto remain , madam, your obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: Dear Miss Wilson, 
and ends: Believe me, Miss Wilson, sincerely 
yours. 

The envelope addressed to the eldest 
daughter would read: 7!? the Honorable Miss 
Wilson, but to a younger daughter: To the 
Honorable Minnie Wilson. 

*Days at Home* Only very intimate persons should 
call on any other days than those named on 
an At Home card. 

*Day of Wedding* The wedding-day is named by 
the bride, and her mother's approval is asked 
by the groom. 

Death in the Family* Cards, writing-paper, and en- 
velopes should be bordered in black. The 
announcement of the death may be printed 
or engraved, preferably the latter. Full 
name of deceased, together with date of 
birth and death, and residence, should be 
given. 

The frequenting of places of amusements, 
entertainments, or social functions should 
not be indulged in for at least a year if in 
mourning for near relatives. 

114 



ETIQUETTE 

Death in the Family (Continued) 
Condolence. After a death in the family of an 
acquaintance, a card with the word Condo- 
lence written on it should be left in person 
or by messenger. For very intimate ac- 
quaintances, cut flowers may be left in person 
or sent, together with a card or letter, unless 
request has been made not to do so. 

Debutante* A debutante should make her debut be- 
tween the ages of seventeen and twenty, and 
should not appear at any public function be- 
fore her d£but. She should be thoroughly 
versed in the laws of good society. She 
should be extremely cautious at all times in 
her dealings with men. She should follow, 
without reserve, the advice of mother or 
chaperone. She should avoid forwardness, 
and be quiet in manner and in speech. Men 
acquaintances should be carefully chosen, and 
great care exercised in accepting invitations 
from them. 

Afternoon Teas (Formal). When a tea is 
given in honor of a debutante, she stands be- 
side the hostess (usually her mother), and 
each guest is introduced to her. Flowers 
should be liberally provided, and friends may 
contribute on such an accasion. 

Calls. A debutante should not make any 
formal visits alone the first year, and should 

115 



ETIQUETTE 

Debutante {Continued) 

not receive men visitors unless her chape- 
rone is present. Should a man call during 
the first season, and neither her mother 
nor her chaperone be present, she should de- 
cline the visit. She may make and receive 
visitors alone the second season. 

When calling upon a debutante, men and 
women should leave cards for her and her 
mother. 

Cards. A debutante should use her mother's 
card with her name engraved under her 
mother's, but after a season she uses her own 
card. Personal cards should not be used 
during the first season. If she is the eldest 
unmarried daughter, her name is engraved 

(as, Miss A ) beneath her mother's name, 

but if there are other sisters, with the initials 

(as, Miss A. A ). 

The cards of a debutante may be sent by 
mail or messenger. 

Dances. A debutante always receives with her 
mother standing by her side. A good order 
is for the mother to stand nearest the door, 
the debutante next, and the father last. 

It is a good plan for the debutante to ask 
a few of her girl friends to stand beside her 
the first half hour. 

The mother should introduce guests to he* 

116 



ETIQUETTE 

Debutante (Continued} 

daughter, who may introduce them to her 
friends. 

The debutante shakes hands with each one 
introduced to her. She dances every dance, 
and at the end stands beside her mother to 
receive the greetings of the guests. 

The girls standing up with the debutante 
after the first hour are free to dance and en- 
joy themselves as they please without stand- 
ing in line again. 

Men. Her mother should selecft in advance the 
man who is to have the pleasure of the first 
dance with the debutante at her d£but. No 
man should dance more than once with the 
debutante. If well acquainted with the 
family, a man may send flowers to a debu- 
tante at the time of her first debut. A man 
should make a formal call on mother and 
daughter a day or two after her debut, and, 
if unable to do so, he should send a card. 

Debut. When her mother receives visits after 
her debut, the daughter is included, and 
should be present. The mother should keep 
a complete record of the visits made by enter- 
ing the cards in a book kept for that pur- 
pose. 

Flowers. Friends should send flowers to a de- 
butante at a formal tea given in her honor. 

117 



ETIQUETTE 

Debutante {Continued) 

Men. When calling upon a debutante, a man 
should leave cards for her and her mother, 
whether the entertainment was attended or 
not. 

See also Debuts. 

Debuts. A d£but may be made at a dinner, 
reception, or ball. The debutante's card 
should be enclosed with the invitation, read- 
ing : Miss Wilson ; or, if a younger daugh- 
ter, Miss Minnie Wilson. For an "At 
Home ' ' debut, the least formal of all these 
entertainments, the name of the debutante is 
engraved below that of her mother. 

The mother and elder unmarried sisters 
prior to the debut should call formally upon 
those whom they wish to invite to the cere- 
mony. Cards of the family are left, includ 
ing those of father and brothers. 

Bai^s — Invitations. When a young woman is 
to be introduced into society by a ball given 
in her honor, the parents may use a Mr. and 
Mrs. calling card, with the words added in 
writing: Dancing at ten o'clock, with card of 
the debutante enclosed. 

Or the parents may use a specially en- 
graved invitation. 

Cards, Leaving. At the entertainments at a 
debut, as at a supper, cards should be left for 

118 



ETIQUETTE 

Debais ( Continued ) 

the mother and daughter , and if guests are 
unable to be present, they should send them 
the day of the entertainment. 

Entertainments. Debuts may be an ' ' At 
Home," supper, or dinner, the latter being 
. more formal, and only intimate friends being 
invited. When making her d£but, the debu- 
tante should stand beside her mother in the 
drawing-room, near the door, and be intro- 
duced by her. On formal occasions the 
father stands with them. The debutante 
may receive flowers from intimate friends 
only. 

At Homes. These are the least formal. 

Suppers or Dinners. If the debut takes the 
form of a supper or dinner, the brother takes 
in the debutante, and the father the most 
distinguished woman; or, if there is no 
brother, he takes in the debutante himself, 
and she is seated at his left hand. The 
mother is escorted by the most distinguished 
man. 

Should dancing follow, the mother should 
select the first partner, who dances but once, 
when others are at liberty to follow. 

Guests. Guests should offer congratulations to 
a debutante at her debut in a few well-chosen 
words, and also to the parents. A few mo- 

119 



ETIQUETTE 

Debuts {Continued) 

merits of conversation with her only is ad- 
missible. 
Invitations. Invitations are engraved, and 
should be sent by mail or messenger two 
weeks in advance, addressed to Mr. and Mrs. 
A, or Mrs. B, or The Misses A. While the 
invitations to a family may be enclosed in 
one envelope and sent to the principal one 
of the family, the son of the family should 
receive a separate invitation. Men should 
receive separate invitations and acknowledge 
them in person. 

Acknowledgment is not necessary for an 
"At Home" debut occurring in the after- 
noon, but would be for a formal one in the 
evening, for which special engraved invita- 
tions had been sent. 

If invitations for an afternoon ' ' At Home ' * 
reception are accepted, cards should be left 
for mother and daughter. And, if not at- 
tending, cards should be sent by mail or 
messenger. 

diamond Weddings. These occur after seventy- 
five years of married life, and naturally are 
of very rare occurrence. If they are cele- 
brated, the invitation may bear the words: 
No presents received, and congratulations 
may be extended in accepting or declining 

120 



ETIQUETTE 

Diamond Weddings {Continued) 

the invitation. An entertainment should be 
provided for. Any article of diamonds or 
precious stones is appropriate as a gift. 

Dinners. If the circle of acquaintances is large, 
a series of dinners is necessary during the 
season. 

Dinners should begin at an hour between 
seven-thirty and eight-thirty. 

The dining-room should be bright and 
attractive, well lighted, and artistically deco- 
rated with flowers. 

The success of a dinner lies in the selec- 
tion of the guests, with regard to their 
congeniality to each other, and their conver- 
sational powers and varying attainments. It 
is better to have a few at a time, perhaps 
eight, as a larger number is unmanageable. 

Calls. Guests should call soon after the dinner. 

Dress. Full dress is worn by both men and 
women. 

Guests. When guests are not congenial, or have 
dislikes, they should not show it, but appear 
as if the contrary were the case. 

Guests should be prompt in arriving at the 
hour named. 

At the table it is in good taste to accept 
whatever is offered, eating it or not, as one 

121 



ETIQUETTE 

Dinners (Continued*) 

desires. Wines should be accepted, even if 
one does not partake of them. And if a toast 
is offered, a guest should recognize the cour- 
tesy by raising his glass. 

Conversing across the table is permissible, 
provided the distance does not require the 
voice to be unduly raised. 

When coffee is served in the drawing-room, 
young women serve, and the men hand it to 
the guests. 

When the men re-enter the drawing-room 
after the coffee, the guests should retire, 
unless some further entertainment follows. 
This is usually about eleven o'clock. When 
leaving, a guest should thank the host and 
hostess, making some agreeable and appro- 
priate remark suitable to the occasion. 
Host. When dinner is announced, the host 
offers his left arm to the woman he escorts. 
She may bethe special invited guest, or the 
most prominent guest present. 

The signal for all to rise is given by the 
hostess, who bows to the woman on the host's 
right. The men escort the women to the 
door or drawing-room, after which they re- 
turn, and cigars and liquors are offered. 

The host wears full dress. 
GuEST I^ate. The host should always come 
forward to shake hands with the late-comer, 

122 



ETIQUETTE 

Dinners {Continued) 

and help him to find his seat, and do all in 
his power to make his late-coming quickly 
overlooked. 

Hostess. The hostess receives her guest at the 
parlor entrance. 

At table the guests should remain standing 
until all have found their places, when the 
host and hostess seat themselves, after which 
the others follow 7 . The men should assist the 
women they escort before taking their own 
seats. 

At an informal dinner a hostess should in- 
troduce a man to the woman he is to escort 
to dinner, informing him whether he is to sit 
on the right or left hand of the host. 

When the dinner is announced the host 
with his escort leads the way, followed by the 
guests, and the hostess and her escort come 
last. 

Guest Late. The hostess should always bow 
and shake hands with a guest arriving late, 
but does not rise unless the guest is a woman. 

Hours. Dinners begin from 7 to 8 p.m., and 
usually last from one hour to an hour and a 
half. 

Introductions. If a man is not acquainted with 
the woman assigned to him, the hostess 
should introduce him to the woman. 

Invitations. These should be acknowledged 

123 



ETIQUETTE 

Dinners {Continued') 

immediately by a letter of acceptance, or de- 
clining with regret. 

The invitations are given in the name of 
husband and wife, and should be sent out 
two or four weeks in advance. R. S. V. P. 
is not used, and they should be answered 
immediately. 

Invitations to a dinner in honor of a special 
guest are engraved, and state this fadl. If 
for good reasons there is not sufficient time 
to engrave, an ordinary invitation may be 
used, and a visiting-card enclosed, upon which 
is written: To meet Miss Wilson, 

For ceremonious dinners, cards may be en- 
graved, with place for guest's name left blank 
and filled in by hand. 

When frequent dinners are given, invita- 
tions may be engraved, with blanks to be 
filled with dates, etc. 

Written invitations are also proper to in- 
dicate an unceremonious dinner. Note sheets 
can be used. 
Husband and Wife. Both the husband and 
wife should always be invited to a dinner. 

When a husband and wife are invited to 
dinner, and the former does not accept, the 
wife should decline, giving her reason. The 
hostess can then invite the wife only, who 
may accept. 

124 



ETIQUETTE 

Dinners (Contmued) 
Men. Full dress is necessary for all except in- 
formal dinners. 

The man at the door, after asking the 
guest's name, hands him an envelope, with 
his name upon it, enclosing a card with the 
name of the woman he is to escort to dinner; 
or these envelopes may be in the dressing- 
rooms, if preferred. It will also be desig- 
nated at which side of the table (right or 
left) a man is to sit; or a diagram of the 
table, with the names of the guests, should 
be hung in each dressing-room. The guests 
pair off as indicated. 

As soon as possible a man should seek the 
woman assigned to him, and inform her that 
he will be pleased to adl as her escort, dis- 
guising any personal preference he may have 
otherwise. 

He should offer his left arm when escort- 
ing her to dinner. 

When the dinner is announced, the host 
leads the way with the woman he escorts, 
and the rest follow. To avoid confusion, a 
man should remember on which side of the 
table he is to sit, his place being indicated by 
a dinner card. 

If unacquainted with the woman a man is 
to escort to dinner, he should seek an intro- 
duction from the hostess. 

125 



ETIQUETTE 

Dinners {Continued) \ 

When the women rise to leave, the men 
rise and remain standing until the women 
leave the dining-room, or they may accom- 
pany them to the drawing-room, and then 
return for coffee and cigars. They should 
not remain longer than half an hour. 

Leaving Cards. After a dinner a man should 
leave a card for host and hostess, whether 
the invitation was accepted or not ; or it 
may be sent by mail or messenger, with an 
apology for so doing. 

Precedence. The host offers his right arm to 
the woman who is the guest, or tKeTnost dis- 
tinguished woman, or the eldest, or the one 
invited for the first time. If the dinner is 
given in honor of a married couple, the host 
would take in the wife, and the husband 
would accompany the hostess, who comes 
last in the procession into the dining-room. 

It is a fixed rule that relatives, or hus- 
bands and wives, are never seated together. 

If possible, there should be an equal num- 
ber of men and women, and if the latter out- 
number the former, the hostess enters alone. 

Second Helping. At formal dinner parties, 
luncheons, and breakfasts, second helpings 
are never offered by the host or hostess, and 
should not be asked for by the guests. This 

120 



ETIQUETTE 

Dinners {Continued) 

is only permissible at a small dinner party 
or at the daily family meaL 

Of course, this does not apply to a second 
glass of water for which the guest might ask, 
or for wine, for which the butler should keep 
a good lookout. 

Tabi,e Etiquette. See Table Etiquette. 

Women. When wraps have been removed, and 
the woman leaves the dressing-room, the escort 
chosen by the hostess approaches and makes 
known the fadl, accompanying her to the 
table. If the escort is not thoroughly agree- 
able to the woman, she should conceal the 
fadl. 

At the conclusion of a dinner the hostess rises 
and the women follow, leaving their napkins 
unfolded. They retire to the drawing-room, » 
while the men remain for coffee and cigars. 
If the men prefer, they may escort them to 
the drawing-room, where they bow and re- 
turn. 

Gloves. Women may remove their gloves at 
table, and it is not necessary to replace them. 
They should be laid in the lap. The hostess 
generally determines whether the women 
should resume their gloves or not by her own 
adlions. 

Full dress is worn. 

127 



ETIQUETTE 

Dinners {Continued) 

Given by Men — Women. A young woman may 
accept a man's invitation, provided she has 
the consent of her mother or guardian, and 
is assured that there will be present a chap- 
erone. 

Given by Bachelors. See Bachelors' Dinners. 

Dinner Dance* 

Invitations. The hostess issues two sets of 
invitations — one for those invited to both the 
dinner and the dance, and one for those in- 
vited to the dance only. 

For the former she could use her usual 
engraved dinner cards with the words: Danc- 
ing at eleven, and for the latter her usual 
engraved At Home cards with the words: 
Dancing at eleven, 

A less formal way for the latter invitation 
is to use the Mr. and Mrs. card or Mrs. and 
Miss card, and to write on it in the lower left 
hand corner: Dancing at ten, February the 
tenth. 

Doctor — H&zv Addressed* A doctor or physician 
should be addressed as Dr. both by corre- 
spondence and in conversation. 

This title of Dr. must not be confounded 
with the honorary degree of Do6tor of Divin- 
ity, conferred upon clergymen by educational 

128 



ETIQUETTE 

Doctor (Continued) 

institutions, and the degree of Docflor of 
Philosophy, conferred upon college professors 
after certain conditions of study have been 
complied with. 

Dowager Duchess* See Duchess, Dowager. 

Dowager Marchioness. See Marchioness, Dowager. 

Dress* 

Afternoon. See Afternoon — Dress. 
Afternoon Teas. See Afternoon Teas — Dress. 
At Homes. See At Homes — Dress. 
Bachelors' Dinners. See Bachelors' Dinners — 

Dress. 
Bachelors' Teas. See Bachelors' Teas — Dress. 
Balls. See Balls — Dress. 
Breakfasts. See Breakfasts — Dress. 
Christenings. See Christening — Dress. 
Cotillions. See Cotillions — Dress. 
Cotillions by Subscriptions. See Cotillions 

by Subscriptions — Dress. 
Dances. See Dances — Dress. 
Dinners. See Dinners — Dress. 
Evening. See Evening Dress. 
Garden Parties. See Garden Parties — Dress. 

129 



ETIQUETTE 

Dress (Continued) 

High Tkas. See High Teas — Dress. 
House Parties. See House Parties — Dress 
Luncheons. See Luncheons — Dress. 
Matinees. See Matinees — Dress. 
Musicai.es. See Musicales — Dress. 
Theatres. See Theatres — Dress. 
Weddings. See Weddings — Dress. 

Dress— Men and Women, For particulars as to dress 
at different functions, see each entertaiment 
— as, Balls, Dinners, At Homes, Theatres, 
Breakfasts, etc. 

Dress — Women. 

Bride. See Bride— Dress. 
Bridesmaids. See Bridesmaids — Dress. 
Cau,s. See Calls — Women — Dress. 
Funerals. See Funerals — Women— Dress. 
Maid of Honor. See Maid of Honor — Dress 
Mourning. See Mourning— Dress, Women. 

Dressing-rooms. At all entertainments, 
dressing-rooms should be provided for both 
the men and for the women, with suitable 
attendants, where all outer wraps, coats, over- 
shoes, etc. , should be left. 

130 



ETIQUETTE 

Driving. 

Men. When driving with a woman, a man should 
be careful that the carriage is well drawn up 
to the steps, and that she be given time in 
which to comfortably seat herself before he 
begins to drive. 

A man when driving with a woman should 
refrain from asking her permission to smoke, 
and, of course, would never do so without her 
permission. 

He should be careful to lift his hat as if he 
were on the street, and if this is not possible, 
to touch it with the whip in place of a bow. 

The host of a coaching party, if he is also 
the whip, would give the chaperone the seat 
on the box at the left of his, unless he wished 
that seat to be occupied by some special young 
woman. The person occupying this seat 
should always be helped by the host to climb 
to her place. 

It is customary when the coach is a high 
one to seat a woman between two men, and 
they would ascend and descend in the order 
in which they were seated. 

Even if the woman asks a man to drive with 
her, he should help her to her seat, and be 
ready to step down when a halt is made to 
assist her to alight. 

It is not customary when a woman has 
asked a man to drive with her for her to call 

131 



ETIQUETTE 

Driving (Continued) 

for him at his club or home, but to meet him 
at her house. 

Dress. The whip wears a gray suit with a gray 
high hat and gray gloves, with a white silk 
tie and white linen. But in summer this cos- 
tume is often made lighter and more com- 
fortable to suit the weather, and a straw hat 
or panama, with flannel trousers and dark 
serge sacque coat, would be in good taste. 

There are no hard and fast rules governing 
the dress of men when driving. 

Womkn. The etiquette in general is the same 
for a woman as for a man. 

When a woman asks a man or a male rela- 
tive to drive with her, she does not call for 
him, but meets him at her door. Even if a 
groom is present, he should help her to 
mount to her seat, and at the proper time 
descend before her and help her to alight. 

Duchess— How Addressed* An official letter begins : 
Madam, may it please your Grace, and ends: 
I have the honor to remain your Grace* $ obedi- 
ent servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Duchess of 
Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess y 
yours very truly. 

The address on the envelope is: To Her 
Grace > the Duchess of Kent. 

132 



Duchess, Dowager— Hem) Addressed* An official 
letter begins: May it please yoiir Grace, and 
ends: / have the honor to remai?i your Grace* s 
obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : My dear Duchess 
of Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess, 
yours very truly. 

The address on the envelope is: To Her 
Grace, the Dowager Duchess of Kent, or, To 
Her Grace, Minnie, Duchess of Kent. 

Duke — How Addressed. An official letter begins: 
My Lord Duke, may it please your Grace, and 
ends: I have the honor to be your Grace 's most 
obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Duke of 
Kent, and ends: Believe me, dear Duke, your 
Grace's very faithfully. 

The address on the envelope is : To His 
Grace, the Duke of Kent. 
Daughter of. See Daughter of Duke. 
Wife of Younger Son of. See Wife of 

Younger Son of Duke. 
Younger Son of. See Son (Younger) of Duke. 

Earl— How (Addressed* An official letter begins : 
My Lord, and ends : / have the honor to be 
your Lordship' s obedient servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Ho7iorable the Earl of Kent. 

133 

Etiq.— 5 



ETIQUETTE 

Earl {Continued) 

A social letter begins : Dear Lord Kent, 
and ends : Believe me, my dear Lord Kent, 
very sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Earl of Kent. 
Daughter of. See Daughter of Earl. 
Wife of Younger Son. See Wife of Younger 

Son of Earl. 
Younger Son of. See Son (Younger) of Earl. 

Eggs are usually broken into a glass and eaten with 
a spoon. 

Elevator* Men should remove their hats when 
riding in an elevator with women, although 
it is held b3^ some that an elevator is as much 
a public conveyance as a car, and this adl of 
courtesy as unnecessary in the one place as 
in the other. Women enter and leave before 
men. 

Engagement 

Men. It is his duty to see the woman's parents 
or guardian, and to make known his inten- 
tions, and to tell them fully and frankly 
about himself, his family, his social position, 
and business prospers. He should court the 
fullest investigation and take his own family 

134 



ETIQUETTE 

Engagement (Continued) 

into his confidence, but not mention it to 
others. 
Parents of Man. They should send their 
pleasant greetings and congratulations, ac- 
companied with flowers, and if both families 
are old acquaintances, a present may be sent 
to the prospective bride. 

Parents of Woman. The first step is to bring 
together both parents in social intercourse* — 
as, by a dinner given by the man's or woman's 
family, when friends may be invited, b}? in- 
terchange of notes and congratulations, by 
any social visit, or by any function that good 
taste may dictate. 

If one famity lives out of town, it may 
invite various members of the other family 
living in the city to make visits of some dura- 
tion, as a week or more. These visits should 
be returned. 

Public Announcement. This item of news is 
rarely published in the papers, but if it is, 
the expense is borne by the family of the 
woman. The public announcement is usually 
made at some social entertainment— as, a din- 
ner, tea, or an •' At Home," given by either 
family. 

At a formal dinner given by the family of 
the woman, the father takes out his daughter 

135 



ETIQUETTE 

Engagement (Contimied) 

first and her fiance escorts her mother. At 
the proper time the father drinks his future 
son-in-law's health and announces the en- 
gagement. All rise, and congratulations 
follow. 

Notes may be written to intimate friends 
informing them of the happy event. 
Women. A woman should at once confide in 
her parents, and trust to their future guid- 
ance and to their making a full investigation 
of the man, his social condition, and business 
prospecfts. They should not mention the 
matter to others. 

Immediately after the engagement, each of 
the two parties should be introduced to the 
family of the other party. Before the wedding- 
cards are issued the woman should leave her 
card personally at the homes of her friends, 
but without entering. After the wedding- 
cards are issued she should not appear at any 
social function, or make any personal visits, 
or be seen at any place of amusement. 

It is not wise for her to call at the place of 
business of her fiance, and if a meeting is 
necessary, it is better to make an appoint- 
ment elsewhere. 
Ring. The ring is given by the man immediately 
after the announcement of the engagement 
to the woman, who wears it on the third finger 

136 



ETIQUETTE 

Engagement (Continued) 

of her left hand. It should be a small and 
unostentatious one. Diamonds, rubies, moon- 
stones, sapphires, and other precious stones 
may be used. 

He may ask the woman to aid him in the 
selection, but it is better for him to make the 
selection alone. The woman may give the 
man an engagement ring or a gift if she 
wishes. 

Entertainments— Calls After. See Calls— Men— After 
Entertainments. 

Envelopes, (Addressing* See Addressing Envelopes. 

Esquire* Either Esq. or Mr. may be used in 
addressing a letter, but never the two at the 
same time. 

Evening Calls* When no special day for receiving 
is indicated, calls may be made at any proper 
hour, according to the custom of the locality. 
Men of leisure may call at the fashionable 
hours, from two till five o'clock in the after- 
noon, while business and professional men 
may call between eight and nine in the even- 
ing, as their obligations prevent them from 
observing the fashionable hours. 

137 



ETIQUETTE 

Evening Dress* 

Men. Evening dress should be worn on all 
formal occasions, consisting of the swallow- 
tail coat of black material, made in the pre- 
vailing fashion, with waistcoat and trousers 
of the same material ; or a white vest may 
be worn. 

The linen must be white. Studs or shirt- 
buttons may be worn, according to fashion. 
The collar should be high, and the cravat 
white. Low patent-leather shoes and white 
kid gloves complete the costume. 

Evening dress should be worn at all formal 
fundlions after six o'clock — as, balls, din- 
ners, suppers, receptions, germans, formal 
stag parties, theatre, opera, and fashionable 
evening calls where women are present. 

The phrase, " evening dress," is now used 
in place of full dress. 

A Tuxedo should never be worn when 
women are present. 

See also Tuxedo. Clergyman — Evening 
Dress. 
Weddings, Evening. Full evening dress is 
worn by the groom and ushers. Guests are 
likewise in evening dress. 
Clergyman. Custom permits a clergyman to 
wear his clerical dress at all functions where 
other men wear evening dress, or he may 
wear evening dress, 
138 



ETIQUETTE 

Evening Receptions* The etiquette is the same as 
for an afternoon tea (formal), save that no 
cards are left by the guests, and that they 
wear evening dress. 

See Afternoon Teas (Formal). 

Facsimile Cards, engraved, are no longer used. 

Family of Bride* The family, except the father, 
leave the house first, then the bridesmaids, 
the maid of honor with the mother, and last 
the bride with her father or nearest male rela- 
tive. At church the family is seated by the 
ushers. 

At the conclusion of the ceremon}^ they are 
the first to be escorted from their pew and to 
take their carriage for the wedding reception 
or breakfast. 

Wedding Breakfast. The bride's father or 
her nearest male relative takes in the groom's 
mother, and the bride's mother, as hostess, is 
taken in by the groom's father. 

Wedding Reception. The parents of both 
bride and groom stand up with the married 
couple, and are introduced to the guests. 

Family of Groom* At the church the family and 
relatives of the groom are seated on one side, 
while the family of the bride and her rela- 
tives are seated on the other. 

139 



ETIQUETTE 

Family of Groom (Contintced) 

Wedding Breakfast. The groom's mother is 
taken in by the bride's father, and the groom's 
father takes in the bride's mother, who, 
adling as hostess, comes last. 

Wedding Reception. The parents of both 
bride and groom stand up with the married 
couple, and are introduced to the guests. 

Farewell Bachelor Dinner. See Bachelors' Farewell 
Dinners. 

Farewell Bridal Luncheon. See Bride — Farewell 
Luncheon. 

Father of Bride. 

Debuts. When the debut is a formal one, he 
stands beside his wife and daughter, and re- 
ceives the congratulations of the guests. At 
a supper or dinner he escorts the most dis- 
tinguished woman. If there is no brother to 
escort the debutante, he does so, and she is 
seated at his left hand. 
Dinner, Engagement. At a formal dinner 
given by the family of the engaged woman 
the father takes out his daughter first and 
her fiance escorts her mother. At the proper 
time the father drinks to the health of his 
future son-in-law, and announces the engage- 
ment. All rise, and congratulations follow. 
He wears evening dress. 

140 



ETIQUETTE 

father of Bride {Continued) 

The father of the bride, or her nearest 
male relative, drives to the church with her, 
and is there received by the ushers and 
bridesmaids, and escorts her in the proces- 
sion up the aisle. 

After the procession has arrived at the 
chancel and the groom comes forward to 
take the bride's hand, he steps back a little 
way and waits for the clergyman's words : 
' ' Who giveth this woman away ? ' ' He 
then places the bride's right hand in that of 
the clergyman, and retires to his seat in the 
pew with his family. 

Wedding Breakfast. He takes in the mother 
of the groom, following the ushers and the 
maids of honor. 

Wedding Reception. He escorts the groom's 
mother, and receives with the married couple. 

Father of Groom* At a wedding breakfast he should 
take in the mother of the bride, and at a 
wedding reception he receives with the bride 
and groom. 

At a church wedding he is, of course, given 
a front seat among those reserved for the 
groom's family. 

He should wear afternoon dress for an 
afternoon wedding, and evening dress at an 
evening wedding. 

141 



Fees. 

Christening. See Christening— Fees. 

Wedding. The wedding fee, preferably gold or 
clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the 
best man to the officiating clergyman. Cus- 
tom leaves the amount to the groom, who 
should give at least five dollars or more, in 
proportion to his income and social position. 
The clergyman usually gives the fee to his 
wife. 

A fee should also be paid to the sexton and 
the organist. 

Fiance, Mourning for. In the event of the death 
of a woman's betrothed shortly before the 
date of the wedding, she may wear black for 
a short period or full mourning for a year. 

Finger-howl. The fingers should be dipped in the 
water and gently rubbed together, and dried 
on the napkins. 

First Calls. Newcomers and brides are called upon 
first. 

After a country visit, the visitor should call 
first upon the hostess when the latter returns 
to town. 

Other things being equal, the younger or 
unmarried woman calls first upon the older 
or married woman. 
142 



ETIQUETTE 

First Calls {Continued) 

A woman returning to town before another 
one would make the first call. 

If one woman issues her At Home card 
before another, she should receive the first 
call. 

Fish should be eaten with a fork held in the right 
hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand. 
The bones should be removed from the 
mouth with the aid of a fork or with th< 
fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy 
should be used. 

Flower GirL The flower girls — one or two, as may 
be the case — follow the maid of honor up the 
isle and strew flowers in the path of the 
bride, who follows after. 

In the procession down the isle they should 
follow the bride. 

Flower girls and pages are not used now 
as much as formerly. 

Flowers. Between friends, flowers may be sent as 
an expression of sympathy in either joy or 
sorrow. 
Birth, Announcement of. If wishing to send 
congratulations after a birth, cards should be 
left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut 
flowers may be sent with the card. 

143 



ETIQUETTE 

Ft&rvers {Continued') 

Bride. If she wishes, a bride may present flow- 
ers to her bridesmaids, and also to the best 
man and ushers. 

Christening. A christening ceremony offers a 

. good opportunity for the guests who desire 

to present flowers to the mother. This is 

not obligatory, however, and must remain a 

matter of personal taste. 

Condolence Calls. When making a condo- 
lence call upon a very intimate friend, cut 
flowers may be left in person or sent, to- 
gether with a card, unless request has been 
made to send none. 

Debutante. Friends should send flowers to a 

debutante at a formal tea given in her honor. 
Engagement. Flowers should accompany the 

greetings from the parents of the man to the 

parents of the woman. 
Funerals. See Funerals — Flowers. 
Groom. He pays for the bridal bouquet carried 

by the bride at the w T edding ceremony, and, if 

he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the 

bridesmaids. 
Men. If well acquainted with a debutante's 

family, a man may send her flowers at the 

time of her debut. 

After a slightly intimate acquaintance, a 

man can present flowers to a young unmar- 
1M 



ETIQUETTE 

* 

Flowers (Continued) 

ried woman as a token of sympathy either of 

joy or sorrow. 

It is not usual for a man to send flowers to 

a woman who is a mere acquaintance. 
Balls. It is permissible for a man, if he wishes, 

to send flowers to a woman he is to escort to 

a ball. 
Theatre or Opera. It is permissible, but not 

necessa^, for a man to send flowers to the 

woman he is to take to the theatre or to the 

opera. 
Wedding Trip. The best man should arrange 

beforehand all the details of the trip — such as 

the tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc. 
Pall-bearers. See Pall-bearers — Flowers. 

Fork and Knife. See Knife and Fork. 

Formal Afternoon Teas. See Afternoon Teas 
(Formal). 

Formal "Dances. See Dances (Formal). 

Fruit All raw fruit, except melons, berries, and 
grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers. 
Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon. 

Full Dress. This phrase is now no longer in good 
usage, and instead should be used the term: 
1 ' Evening Dress, ' ' which see. 

145 



ETIQUETTE 

Funerals. A member of the family, or very near 
relative, should take charge of the ceremony 
and direcft the undertaker. A large funeral 
should be avoided, and the ceremony confined 
to the immediate family and nearest relatives, 
and, if possible, the service should be at the 
church. 

All the details of the funeral should be 
carefully considered and carried out, with the 
ceremony started at the hour set, and with 
all appearance of confusion avoided. 

It is not now customary to watch by the 
dead at night. 

Funerals should be private, and only those 
intimately interested should be invited. 

Carriages. A carriage should always be pro- 
vided to call for the clergyman and to take 
him from the church or cemetery back to his 
house. Carriages should also be provided to 
take the friends, mourners, and pall-bearers 
from the house to the church, and then to the 
cemetery and return. These are provided by 
the family. 

Dress. See Funerals — Men. 

Expenses. Though it is not customary for 
the clergyman in Protestant churches to ex- 
pert or to receive fees for conducting funerals, 
yet it is in perfectly good taste to offer him a 
fee. In the Roman Catholic Church the rate 
of fees for funerals is fixed. There are, be- 
146 



ETIQUETTE 

Funerals {Continued) 

sides, fees for the sexton, the organist, and the 
singers. 

FlowbRS. The family, in publishing notice of 
funeral, may add : " Kindly omit flowers." 
However, in the absence of such a notice, 
at the public funerals of prominent persons 
elaborate designs may be sent. But at a 
private funeral, if flowers are sent, they 
should be choice and delicate. 

The custom is growing of having fewer 
flowers, and it is no longer in good taste to 
have a carriage in the procession carrying 
flowers and set pieces. A good use of the 
large set pieces is to send them afterward to 
the hospitals. 

If any flowers are laid upon the grave 
they should be those given by the nearest 
relatives. 

Invitations. A church funeral can be attended 
by any one, friend or acquaintance, and no 
slight should be felt at the non-receipt of an 
invitation. Those attending should take 
especial pains to be in the church before the 
funeral procession arrives, and that they do 
nothing to distract from the solemnity of the 
occasion. 

Notice of death and date of funeral may be 
printed on heavy bordered cards, or on 
mourning paper, and sent to friends. Some- 

147 



/ 



ETIQUETTE 

Funerals (Conti7iued) 

times a notice is written and sent to most 
intimate friends. 
Men — Dress. A man should wear either a black 
frock coat or a black cutaway, with the neck- 
tie, gloves, and other parts of the dress as 
subdued as possible. Under no conditions 
should light ties or light-colored linen be 
worn. 

Paix-bearers. See Pall-bearers. 

Precedence. At a church funeral the parents, 
arm in arm, follow the body of their child, 
and the children come next in the order of 
their age. 

A widow, leaning on the arm of her eldest 
son, follows the body of her husband, and 
the other children come after. 

A widower, attended b}' his eldest daughter 
or son, follows the body of his wife, and the 
children come after. 

The elder children always precede the 
younger. The pall-bearers are seated at the 
left of the main isle, and the near relatives 
at the right. 
Pubuc Notice. When the date of the funeral 
has been determined upon, notice should be 
published in the papers, giving date, place, 
and time of funeral — also date of birth and 
late place of residence of deceased. Such 
148 



ETIQUETTE 

Funerals {Continued) 

announcement may contain notice that the 
interment is private, and also the words: 
' ' Kindly omit flowers. ' ' 

A notice of death and date of funeral may 
be printed on heavy bordered cards or mourn- 
ing paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes 
a notice is w T ritten and sent to most intimate 
friends. 
Church. The pall-bearers and the nearest rela- 
tives meet at the house. At the appointed 
hour the procession leaves the house, the 
casket borne on the shoulders of the under- 
taker's assistants, followed by the pall- 
bearers, relatives, and friends. 

The same order is followed in the pro- 
cession up the aisle, the relatives occupying 
the first pews on the right, the pall-bearers 
the first pews on the left, of the middle aisle. 
At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends 
wait until the family and pall-bearers have 
left, and then quietly retire. 
House. At a house funeral, some one repre- 
senting the family should receive the people 
as they enter and diredi them where to go, 
it being customary for the family and rela- 
tives to be in one room and the friends in 
another. 

Usually there are no pall-bearers; but if 
there are, their duties are the same as at a 

149 



ETIQUETTE 

Funerals (Continued) 

church funeral. The clergyman should stand 
near the casket, and if there are musicians 
they should be so stationed that, while they 
are not seen, they are easily heard. At the 
conclusion of the ceremony the friends de- 
part, and thus allow the family and relatives 
to take the last leave of the deceased before 
they take the carriages for the cemetery. 

It is customary for the family to be in 
retirement at the hour of the funeral, and 
they are the first to enter the carriages. 

Those in charge of the house should, after 
the funeral party has left, arrange the 
apartments to make them as cheerful as pos- 
sible, and also provide a substantial meal for 
the mourners on their return. 

Garden Parties* 

Cards. Guests leave their cards in the hall either 
when entering or leaving only at large garden 
parties. 
DrKSS. It is customary for women to wear light 
afternoon dresses. 

Men wear summer business suits, yachting 
flannels, and straw hats, and even white duck 
trousers. Gloves are not worn. 

The regulation frock coat and high hat is 
not worn, save by men from the city or at 
some extremely fashionable affair. 

;50 



ETIQUETTE 

Garden Parties {Continued) 
Guests. After leaving their outer garments in 
the dressing-rooms, the guests should pay 
their respects to the hostess, after which 
they are free to enjoy themselves as they 
please. 

The usual length of stay is about half an 
hour or the whole afternoon. 

While guests may arrive at their own con- 
venient time, they would do well to remember 
that they have not the same freedom to come 
and go as at an afternoon reception. 

Guests should take leave of the hostess un- 
less she is very much engaged. 

HOSTESS. The hostess wears afternoon dress, 
and usually one that is dainty and delicate — 
suitable for a summer afternoon. 

She receives on the lawn, shakes hands 
with each guest, and makes introductions 
w T hen deemed essential. 

She may, if she so desires, receive with 
some member of her family. 

Hours. These are from 3 to 7 p.m. 

Invitations. These are issued in the name of 
the hostess, and may be engraved or written. 
Sometimes the hostess writes on her card: 
Garden party, July 77, from 4 to 7, or she 
may use an At Home card, and in the lower 

151 



ETIQUETTE 

Garden Parties {Continued) 

left-hand corner write: Garden Party. The 
engraved card usually indicates an elaborate 
affair. 

These invitations may be sent by mail or 
messenger. 

It is a good plan to add to the invitations 
some information regarding the trains, or to 
enclose a time-table. 

All such invitations should be promptly 
acknowledged or declined. 
Men. Men wear summer business suits, white 
ducks, or yachting flannels. A tennis suit 
would be permissible. 

The regulation frock coat and high hat 
should be worn only by men from the city 
attending an affair in the country, or at some 
extremely fashionable affair. 

Men should greet the hostess both on their 
arrival and departure. 

Visiting-cards are left only at large garden 
parties. 
Women. Women wear light, delicate, afternoon 
dresses. 

They should greet the hostess, both on their 
arrival and departure. 

Visiting-cards are left only at large and 
formal outdoor affairs. 

Germans* See Cotillions. 
152 



ETIQUETTE 

Gifts. 

After House Party. While not necessary, a 
guest after a house party may send some 
trifle to the hostess as a token of pleasure 
and appreciation. 

Best Man. After the groom seledls the best 
man, the latter should send a gift to the 
bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the 
groom, a custom not yet clearly established. 

Christening. A christening ceremony offers a 
good opportunity for the invited guests so 
wishing to send a gift to the baby. These 
should be sent a day or two before the cere- 
mony, and, if of silver, should be suitably 
marked with the child's name, initials, or 
monogram. 

Engagement. If both families of the engaged 
couple are old acquaintances, the parents of 
the man may send a gift along with their 
greetings and congratulations. 

Wedding. See Weddings — Gifts. 

Gifts Between Men and Women* Books, flowers, 
and other small articles of decoration are 
proper gifts to accept. 

Sending valuable gifts of jewelry, or any 
other article, depends largely upon the re- 
lationships of the parties, and should not be 
done unless the sender is sure of its accept- 

153 



ETiQUETTE 

Gifts Between Men and Women (Continued) 

ance. Such gifts should not be accepted 
from mere acquaintances or friends. 

It is bad form for a man to send expensive 
presents to a woman who may be cotnpelled 
to return them. 



Gloves* 

Men. At the opera or theatre, if in full dress, 
gloves may be dispensed with, but they are 
worn with street dress. With formal even- 
ing dress, white kid gloves should be worn. 

For afternoon dress, gloves should be of 
undressed kid, gray, tan, or brown. When 
calling, the glove of the right hand should 
be removed upon entering the drawing-room. 

Gloves should not be worn at high teas. 

Men — Afternoon Dress. Undressed kid 
gloves of a dark color are worn. 

Men — Baixs. Men should always wear gloves 

at all balls, in summer or winter, in town or 

city. 
Men — Caujng on Women. Gloves need not 

be removed at a formal or brief call. 
Men — Dances. Gloves should be worn at formal 

dances, and should be put oil before entering 

the room. 
Men — High Tea. Men do not wear gloves. 
154 



ETIQUETTE 

Gloves {Continued} 
Men — Mourning. Black or dark-colored gloves 

should be worn. 
Men— Shaking Hands. At weddings, operas, 
or dances, and on all very formal occasions, 
men wear gloves. In shaking hands with 
women on these occasions gloves should not 
be removed. 

If a hostess wears gloves at any formal 
affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands 
with her. 

A man with hands gloved should never 
shake hands with a woman without an apology 
for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves. 
A sudden meeting, etc., may make a hand- 
shaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the 
other party is also gloved, a man should say: 
" Please excuse my glove." 
Women. Gloves should always be worn on the 
street. 

At dinners, or formal teas, women should 
remove their gloves at the table and place 
them in their laps. 

At dinners and formal teas, when the 
women have retired to the drawing-room, 
they may resume their gloves or not, or fol- 
low the example of the hostess. 

At informal teas or "At Homes' ' the 
hostess need not wear gloves. 
Breakfast. Gloves should be removed at table. 

155 



ETIOUBTTB 

Gloves {Continued) 

Dinner. Women may remove their gloves at 
table, and it is not necessary to replace 
them. They should be laid in the lap. The 
hostess generally determines by her own 
actions whether the women should resume 
gloves or not. 
i Mourning. Gloves may be of black kid, suede, 
or black silk. In the evening, black suede 
or glace, or white suede should be worn. 
White gloves with black stiching should not 
be worn in the evening. 

Bride. See Bride — Gloves. 

Groom. See Groom — Gloves. 

Ushers. See Ushers — Gloves. 

Godfather* A man asked to be one of the sponsors 
at a christening ceremony should reply by a 
written note or by calling in person. 

He should call immediately on the parents 
and send flowers to the mother, and express 
himself as pleased at the compliment. 

He should send a present to the child, 
usually a piece of jewelry or some silver, and, 
if a wealthy relative, may deposit a sum of 
money to the child's credit, and present him 
with the bank-book. 

He should also send with his present one 
of his calling cards, on which is written some 
appropriate sentiment. 
156 



ETIQUETTE 

Godfather {Continued') 

It is his privilege, when the wine is about 
to be drunk after the ceremony, to first pro- 
pose the health of the child and then the 
health of the mother. 

The duties of the godfather at the ceremony 
consist of assenting to the vows. 

Godmother* A woman asked to be a sponsor at a 
christening should immediately accept or de- 
cline the invitation either by a written note 
or a call. 

She should also call on the parents and send 
flowers to the mother, and express pleasure 
at the compliment paid to her. 

It is always customary for the godmother 
to give the child a gift, such as a christening 
robe, a cradle, or some piece of silver. If 
the latter is sent, it should have the child's 
name on it. With the gift should be sent 
the sponsor's calling card, with some appro- 
priate sentiment on it. It is customary to 
send the gift to the child itself. 

Golden Weddings* Fifty years after the wedding- 
day comes the Golden Wedding. The invi- 
tations may bear the words: No presents 
received, and congratulations may be extended 
in accepting or declining the invitation. An 
entertainment is usually provided for. 

157 



Golden Weddings {Continued) 

The gifts are, appropriately, articles of 
gold, and this is a fitting occasion for giving 
fifty gold pieces of either, five, ten, or twenty 
dollar denomination. The invitations are 
appropriately engraved in gold, and the 
decorations golden in color. 

Governor of a State — How Addressed* An official 
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have the honor, 
sir, to remain your obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: Dear Governor 
Wilson , and ends: Believe me, most sincerely 
yours. 

The address on the envelope is : Gov- 
ernor John y. Wilson . 

Grapes and 'Plums should be eaten one by one, and 
the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the 
half-closed hand and then transferred to the 
plate. 

Groom* The groom seledts his best man, usually 
an unmarried intimate friend, though a mar- 
ried man or widower is permissible. After 
consultation with the bride he calls upon the 
clergyman, the organist, the sexton, and in- 
vites the ushers. 

When he is informed by his bride of the 
day selected for the wedding, he should ask 
her mother to accept the day agreed upon. 

158 



ETIQUETTE 

Groom {Continued) 

He may make what present he desires to 
the bride, and, if he also wishes, to the brides- 
maids. If any gifts are sent to the groom, 
they should bear his name or cipher. 

He should furnish the bride's family with 
a list of names of persons to whom he desires 
to have invitations sent, designating his pre- 
ference for those to be asked to the wedding 
breakfast or reception. 
Before Ceremony. The day before the cere- 
mony, or sooner, he gives into the safe- 
keeping of the best man the ring and the fee 
for the clergyman. 

He also sends or hands the marriage license 
(if one is needed) to the officiating clergy- 
man before the ceremony. 
Church. It is not customary for the groom to 
see his bride on the wedding-day till he 
meets her at the altar. The groom and the 
best man usually breakfast together on the 
wedding-day and arrive in ample time at the 
church. 

Upon the arrival of the bride in the vesti- 
bule, the clergyman enters the chancel, fol- 
lowed by the groom and the best man. The 
groom then steps forward, and stands at the 
left of the clergyman, facing the audience. It 
is a good plan for both the groom and best 
man to leave their hats in the vestry, but if 

159 



ITHQUETTE 

Groom (Continued*) 

the groom has not done so, he gives his hat 
and gloves to the best man on the approach 
of the bride, and advances to meet her. He 
gives her his left arm, and together they stand 
before the clergyman. 

At the proper moment he receives the ring 
from the best man and hands it to the bride. 
It is no longer in good form for him to kiss 
the bride after the ceremony, but after re- 
ceiving the congratulations of the clergyman 
to give her his right arm, and together they 
lead the procession to the vestibule. 

Clergyman. While the bride sele(5ls the offici- 
ating clergyman, it is the place of the groom 
to call upon him in regard to the details, and 
to pay him the fee. 

If the clergyman from any cause — as, living 
outside of the State — cannot legally perform 
the ceremony, a magistrate should be present 
to legalize the marriage, and should receive 
a fee. 

Dress — Evening Wedding. He wears full 
evening dress. 

Dress — Morning or Afternoon Wedding. 
He wears afternoon dress, consisting of a 
double-breasted frock coat of dark material, 
waistcoat, single or double (preferably the 
latter), of same material, or more usually of 
160 



ETIQUETTE 

Groom {Continued') 

some fancy material of late design. The 
trousers should be of light pattern, avoiding 
extremes. The linen should be white, and 
the tie white or light material, and the gloves 
of gray suede. These, with patent-leather 
shoes and a silk hat, complete the costume. 
Expenses. He pays for the license fee, the or- 
ganist's fee, and a fee to the sexton. 

Nothing less than five dollars in gold, 
clean bills, or a check in a sealed envelope, 
or more, according to social position and 
financial income, should be the clergyman's 
fee. Should there be one or two additional 
clergymen, he pays a fee to each, the fee of 
the officiating clergyman being double that 
of the others. 

He pays for the carriages of the ushers, 
the one for himself and the best man, and 
the one which takes away the married couple 
on their wedding trip. 

He pays for the bouquet carried by the 
bride, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets car- 
ried by the bridesmaids. He also pays for 
the cuff-buttons or scarf-pins, and, if he 
wishes, for the gloves and neckties given 
to the ushers and the best man. 

He pays for the wedding-ring — a plain gold 
one, with initials of bride and groom and 
date of marriage engraved thereon. He may 

161 



Groom {Continued') 

also present some souvenirs to the brides- 
maids. 

He may give a farewell dinner a few eve- 
nings before the wedding to his best man, 
ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits 
at the head of the table and the best man 
opposite, and on this occasion he may give 
the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons, also neckties 
and gloves, if he wishes, to the best man and 
ushers. 

Farewei^ Dinner. See Bachelor's Farewell 
Dinner. 

GLOVES. At a morning or afternoon wedding, 
the groom wears gray suede gloves. 

At an evening wedding he wears white kid 
gloves. 

Wedding Breakfast. The bride and groom 
enter first, and are seated at the principal 
table. 

Wedding Reception. The groom and his bride 
stand side by side and receive the congratu- 
lations of all present. The guests serve 
them refreshments. 

See also Best Man. Bride. Ushers. All 
items under Weddings. 

Groom's Family. See Family of Groom. 

Groom's Father. See Father of Groom. 
162 



ETIQUETTE 

Groom's Mother. See Mother of Groom. 

Guests. 
Guest of Honor at Bau^s. If the ball is given 
in honor of some special person, he should be 
met on his arrival, introduced to the women 
of the reception committee, escorted to the 
seat prepared for him, and be attended to the 
whole evening by the management of the ball. 

At the end of the ball, he should be escorted 
to his carriage. 
L,ate at Dinners. When a guest arrives late 
he should make a short and suitable apology 
to the hostess, and then take his seat as 
quickly and as quietly as possible. 

The hostess shakes hands with the guest, 
but does not rise unless the guest is a woman. 

The host should in either case rise and 
meet the guest, and assist him in finding his 
seat, and endeavor, by making the conversa- 
tion general, to distradl attention from the 
event. 

For duties of guests, see other functions — 
as, Balls — Guests, Christenings — Guests, etc. 

Hand-shaking— Introductions. Women and men on 
being introduced may shake hands, but it is 
not good form. A polite bow, a smile, and 
friendly recognition is more corredl. If an 
advance is made by either party, it should be 
immediately accepted. 

163 



ETIQUETTE 

Hat 

Men — Calling. When making a formal or 
brief call, the hat should be carried in the 
hand into the parlor. 

In apologizing to a woman, opening a door, 
or rendering any service to a woman in pub- 
lic, or in answering a question, the hat should 
be raised. 

When seeing a woman to her carriage, he 
should raise his hat upon closing the car- 
riage door. When attentions are offered by 
another man to a woman whom he is escort- 
ing, a man raises his hat in acknowledg- 
ment of the courtesy and thanks the party. 

In a street-car a man raises his hat when 
giving his seat to a woman. 

On the railroad a man removes his hat in 
the parlor-car, but not in the day coach. 

In an elevator a man should remove his 
* hat in the presence of women. 

In hotels where corridors are reserved and 
used as places of meeting and recreation by 
the guests, no hats should be worn. Stand- 
ing uncovered when talking to a woman on 
the street is generally embarrassing to her, 
and it is better to make a polite bow and re- 
place it after a few seconds. 
Mourning. A crape band around the hat should 
be worn — the width of the band being deter- 
mined by the character of the bereavement. 
161 



ETI^CBTrji 

High Tea.* This is an elaborate entertainment, 
and an elaborate menu is generally served. 

Califs. Calls should be made in person one week 
after the event. 

Guests. Guests wear evening dress, and should 
not remain more than half an hour. 

Invitations. These are engraved, and the 
hour for the entertainment specified. They 
should be issued in the name of the hostess 
only, except in such cases when the enter- 
tainment is the occasion of a debut or an- 
other woman assists, in which event her 
name appears likewise. 

The invitations should be promptly ac- 
cepted or declined. 

Men. Full dress is worn, but men do not wear 
gloves. 

Women. Full dress is worn. 

Home Weddings* Weddings at the homes of the 
brides vary much, according to the taste of 
the participants. The ushers, bridesmaids, 
best man, and maid of honor are generally 
dispensed with ; but if present, their duties 
are the same as at a church wedding, with 
minor differences. 

The clergyman stands in a large room 
decorated with flowers, facing the audience, 
with the groom beside him. The bride enters 

~. * 165 

Etiq.— 6 



ETIQUETTE 

Home Weddings {Continued) 

on the arm of her father, followed by the 
bridesmaids and ushers, and the ceremony 
proceeds as at a church, with the usual con- 
gratulations to the groom and best wishes to 
the bride. 

Refreshments are served, either formal or 
informal. At an afternoon ceremony men 
wear the regulation afternoon dress, and if 
in the evening, the usual evening dress* 

Honeymoon. See Wedding Trip. 

Honor, Se%t of. The seat of honor is at the right 
of the host. 

Host. 

Afternoon Teas. See Afternoon Teas— Host. 

Bachelors' Dinners. See Bachelors' Dinners 

—Host. 
Bachelors' Teas. See Bachelors' Teas— Host. 
Balls. See Balls — Host. 
Dances. See Dances (Formal)— Host. 
Dinners. See Dinners— Host. 
Matinees. See Matinees—Host. 

Theatres. See Theatre and Opera Parties 
Given by Men. 

m 



ETIQUETTE 

Hostess, 

Introductions. Introductions to the hostess at 
an "At Home " or reception by women 
assisting hostess, to those who have been in- 
vited to the entertainment by them, are not 
recognized thereafter unless by mutual con- 
sent. 

The hostess receiving in her own home 
should offer her hand to all to whom she is 
introduced. 

The hostess introduces her immediate fam- 
ily to all her guests. No formal permission 
is necessary. 

In the case of one woman desiring an in- 
troduction to another, the hostess should be 
asked to bring this about. 

Introductions by Chaperones. At entertain- 
ments both the chaperone and her protege 
should enter together, and the chaperone 
should introduce her protege to the hostess. 

Women Caujng Upon. When calling formally 
upon a hostess, a woman should leave a card, 
whether the hostess was at home or not. 

When a son enters society, his mother, 
when calling, can leave his cards for him, and 
invitations to entertainments will follow. If 
it is impossible for him to leave cards for him- 
self she may continue to do so. 

Women Leaving Cards on. When a mother 

167 



ETIQUETTE 

Hostess ( Continued ) 

leaves her daughter's card, it is for the hostess 

only. 
High Teas. See High Teas — Hostess. 
House Parties. See House Parties — Hostess. 
Luncheons. See Luncheons — Hostess. 
Matinees. See Matinees — Hostess. 
Shaking Hands. See Shaking Hands — Host. 
Weddings. See Mother of Bride. 

Hours* 

Afternoon Teas. See Afternoon Teas— Hours. 
Breakfasts. See Breakfasts — Hours. 
Caels. See Calls — Hours. 
Dinners, See Dinners — Hours. 
Garden Parties. See Garden Parties — Hours. 
Luncheons. See Luncheons — Hours. 
Musicales. See Musicales — Hours. 
Receptions. See Receptions — Hours. 
Weddings. See Weddings — Hours. 

House Funerals. See Funerals — House. 

House Parties. These usually refer to a group of con- 
genial persons, numbering from four to 
twenty-four, and visiting country homes, 
making a stay of a few days or a few weeks. 

168 



ETIQUETTE 

House Parties {Continued*) 

Dress. The length of the visit and the nature 
of the house party determines the extent of 
wardrobe necessary. A guest should carry 
at least three changes of suits — one for the 
morning, one suitable for afternoon enter- 
tainments, picnics, etc., and the regulation 
evening dress. 
Guest. To be a welcome guest the visitor 
should accommodate himself as much as pos- 
sible to the plans of his hostess and the ways 
of the home life. 

A visitor should avoid the common mis- 
take of refusing to make a choice when a 
choice is offered. 

A guest should try to be congenial with 
the other guests, kind to the servants, and 
to be considerate of all others. 
Expenses. The hostess should furnish transpor- 
tation for both guests and baggage to and 
from the station. 

Each guest should pay for all expenses in- 
curred by him, and be especially careful, in 
the case of sickness or misfortune, that some 
items are net overlooked. 
Letter After Departure. If the visit has 
been more than two days, the guest should 
write a short letter to the hostess, telling 
of the pleasure the visit gave them and their 
safe journey home. 

169 



House Parties {Continued} 

A guest so desiring might send some trifle 
as a gift to the hostess. 

Tipping Servants. Unless a hostess posi- 
tively requests her guests not to tip, a guest, 
when leaving at the end of a visit at a pri- 
vate house, should remember the servants. 
The average American, from lack of a defi- 
nite standard, too often errs on the side of 
giving too much. 

Those giving personal service should be 
remembered, as well as those who render serv- 
ice — as, the coachman and outside servants. 

Hostess . While careful to provide entertainment 
for her guests, a hostess should be careful 
not to overentertain, and to allow each guest 
ample time in which to enjoy themselves 
any way they please. If an entertainment 
is planned for the afternoon, it is well to 
leave the mornings open, and vice versa. 

The success of the hostess depends on her 
making the guests feel free from care and 
ennui. 

Caring for the Sick. In addition to the regu- 
lar care of the guest's room and attention to 
his comfort and pleasure, a hostess should 
double her energies in case her guest is sick. 
She is not called upon to pay for the ex- 
penses of telegrams, doctor's bills, medi- 
cines, etc., contracted by the guest. If a 
170 



ETIQUETTE 

House Parties {Continued) 

guest departed without attending to these 
matters, the hostess would have to pay for 
them. 
Giving Fareweu, to Visitors. A hostess 
should, in bidding farewell to her visitors, 
see that she does not overdo it. 

While it is not stridlly necessary that a 
hostess should accompany a guest to the depot, 
yet many still follow this rule, especially in 
the case of an unmarried woman, and are 
careful to see to all the details of checking 
baggage, etc. 

In the case of a bachelor, such attention 
is not necessary. 

A hostess conveys at her own expense both 
the guest and baggage to and from the 
station. 
Greeting Visitors. When an hour of arrival 
is specified in an invitation, the guest 
should be met at the station, especially an 
unmarried woman, by the hostess or host. 
In case of married couples or bachelors, a 
man servant may meet them. 

In all cases the hostess should arrange for 
the conveyance of both the guests and their 
luggage. 

A hostess accompanies a woman to the 
guest chamber, but sends a man servant 
with a bachelor to the latter' s room. 

171 



ETIQUETTE 

House Parties {Continued) 

Invitations. These should state definitely 
when a visit is to begin and to end. It is 
also a good plan to allude in the invitation 
to any special amusement or entertainment. 
These invitations should be answered 
promptly. 

Men — Dress. A man should carry with him 
one business suit, evening clothes, and one 
outing suit suitable for afternoon entertain- 
ments — as, picnics, tennis, etc. This is almost 
indispensable, and more depends upon the 
nature of the entertainments and the length 
of the visit. 

Women — Dress. A woman should take at least 
three changes of dress — one to f.tavel in and 
wear in the morning, one for evening wear, 
and a third for afternoon picnics, outings, 
etc. The length of her visit and the nature of 
the entertainments and her individual taste 
determines how mu^h she may increase this. 

House of Representatives, Member of* An official 
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have y sir, the 
honor to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wil- 
son, and ends: I have the honor to remain -most 
sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John 
/. Wilson. 
172 



ETIQUETTE 

Husband and Wife — Cards, Visiting. See Cards, 
Visiting— Husband and Wife. 

In Menwriam Cards. Printed or engraved notes, or 
special cards, can be used, and should be 
heavily bordered. Custom allows much di- 
versity as to the contents of the card. Place 
and date of birth, residence, date of death, 
and any other information of interest to 
friends and relatives may be given. 

Infant's Cards. The full name of the child should 
be engraved, with date of birth in lower 
left-hand corner, enclosed in envelope with 
mother's card, and sent by mail. Such cards 
are generally held together with white ribbon. 

Informal Afternoon Teas. These are the usual after- 
noon teas. By formal afternoon teas are 
meant those for which specially engraved 
cards have been issued, and at which all the 
arrangements are more elaborate. 
See Afternoon Teas. 

Interior, Secretary of — Hcnu Addressed. An official 

letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the 
honor to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wil* 
son, and ends: I have the honor to remain most 
sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John 
J. Wilso?i } Secretary of the Interior. 

173 



ETIQUETTE 

Introductions* One should be careful in making intro- 
ductions. It is easier to evade than to cause 
disagreeable complications. It is unpardon- 
able to introduce one party to another after 
having been warned not to do so. 

Forgetting a person's name when about to 
introduce is awkward, and when it does 
occur, one should apologize and ask name. 
If a person fails to hear the siarne, it is proper 
to inform the one to whom you are intro- 
duced and to say: " Pardon me, but I failed to 
hear your name." In making introductions 
one should distinctly pronounce the names. 

Parents should not speak of or introduce 
their children as Miss Anna, but simply 
My daughter Anna. Only before servants 
should they be spoken of as Miss Anna. 

Persons of celebrity should have introduc- 
tions made to them. Men should always be 
introduced to women, the younger to an 
elder person, and unmarried persons to the 
married. Persons at an entertainment are 
introduced to the guest of the occasion. 

Women and men on being introduced may 
shake hands, but it is not good form. A 
polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition 
is more correct. 

Those invited to an entertainment are on 
equal footing; it is therefore not necessary 
to introduce one to another. Conversation 
174 



ETIQUETTE 

Introductions (Continued) 

may be held without this formality, though 
introductions may take place if desired. 
When an introduction occurs, future recog- 
nition is not warranted. For this reason 
great care should be exercised at entertain- 
ments that only those who are congenial to 
each other should be brought together. 

At small gatherings it is more kindly to 
introduce. When many are present, it is not 
customary to do so. 

Introductions should not take place in a 
church or on the steps. 

It is quite proper to introduce one group 
to another without formality at any outdoor 
function — athletic games, etc. Such intro- 
ductions need not imply further acquaintance 
if undesirable. 

Dancing. The man must be introduced to the 
woman, and he should ask her for the privi- 
lege of a dance. 

Entkrtainmknts. Introductions are not abso- 
lutely required at musicales, teas, "At 
Homes, ' ' etc. One may converse with those 
nearest, but this does not warrant future 
recognition. 

Men. Men are introduced to women and single 
men to married men. 

When introduced to a woman, a man 
should bow but not shake hands, and make 

175 



ETIQUETTE 

Introductions {Continued) 

some pleasant observations, and express 
pleasure at the introduction. 

When introduced to another man, the 
man should shake hands. 

Business introductions are immediate and 
personal, and are intended to bring men 
together without much formality. No for- 
mality is required in introducing one man to 
another on casual meeting. 

It is well to avoid exaggerated expres- 
sions, as: " Delighted to meet you," or 
" Glad to know you." A simple " How do 
you do ' ' is better. 

A man introducing another to a woman 
should first ask her permission to do so. 
This gained, he introduces him with the 
remark : ' ' Mr. Smith desires to be intro- 
duced to Miss Wilson.' ' 

A woman's permission should first be ob- 
tained by the party introducing. Very often 
off-hand introductions take place ; but it is 
better to be more formal and careful, as in- 
dicated. If she evades or declines, a man 
should accept it without any show of feeling, 
and make it as easy for her as possible. 

After an introduction at an entertainment, 
when a man meets the woman on the street, 
she should bow first if she desires to continue 
the acquaintance. 
176 



ETIQUETTE 

Introductions (Continued) 

Chaperone. A man should never be introduced 
direct by card or letter to a young unmarried 
woman. If he desires to be introduced, the 
letter or card of introduction should be ad- 
dressed to her chaperone or mother, who may 
then introduce him to the young woman if 
she deems it advisable. 

At an entertainment a chaperone may ask 
a young man if he wishes to be introduced 
to the one under her care. 

Formula. A good formula for men is: "Mr. 
Brown, may I present Mr. Clark ? " 

A man presenting a man friend to a woman 
should say : ' ' Mr. Williams desires to be 
presented to Miss Wilson. Miss Wilson, 
allow me to introduce Mr. Williams. This is 
Mr. Williams, Miss Wilson." 

The formality is sometimes waved, and the 
forms, Cl This is Mr. So and So, Miss Jones/' 
" Mrs. Smith, Miss Jones," or "Allow me to 
present , ' ' are used when casual meet- 
ings occur. 

Party Introduced. After receiving call of 
party to whom you have been introduced, 
the visit should be returned. If At Home 
card was left, the call should be made only 
on the days specified ; if an ordinary card, 
call at any time within three to ten days. 
If the party introduced leaves town, he 

177 



ETIQUETTE 

Introductions {Continued) 

should send his card to his late host before 
leaving ; upon his return, he should leave 
his card again. 
Party Introducing by Card — Women. A 
note of explanation may be sent by party who 
brings about the introduction to the party to 
whom the introduction is made, giving such 
explanations as may be deemed advisable. 

Two cards should be used — a person's own 
card and the card of the party being intro- 
duced, enclosed in envelope, and sent by 
mail or messenger. On the left corner over 
name of party introduced should be written: 
Introducing Mr. Wilson 

Party Introducing by Better — Women. 
Care should be exercised that the introduc- 
tion is agreeable to all concerned. 

Receptions. The man should express desire 
for an introduction. 

Women. Women calling and meeting others may 
be introduced to each other by the hostess. 
Upon such an occasion, when a meeting hap- 
pens between women, conversation may take 
place between them without an introduction. 
It does not imply further acquaintance if not 
desired. 

Extreme etiquette demands that no two 
women of the same locality be introduced to 

178 



ETIQUETTE 

Introductions {Continued) 

each other without the consent of both parties. 
The objeCt of this is that, although the par- 
ties may be agreeable to the hostess, they may 
be objectionable to each other. 

Women upon being introduced to each 
other may shake hands, but a slight inclina- 
tion of the body, a smile, and an appropriate 
remark are more correct. 

When entering a room where others are 
assembled, introducing a guest to more than 
one person at a time is unadvisable. 

Men are introduced to women, single 
women to married women, and a young 
woman to an older one. 

No woman should allow a man to be intro- 
duced to her unless her permission has been 
first obtained. The exception would be in the 
case of a very elderly man. or a celebrity, 
when the honor would be conferred upon her. 

A married woman to whom a man is pre- 
sented receives him with some pleasant re- 
mark. An unmarried one receives him with 
a pleasant smile and repeats his name. 

Personal introduction is done by a third 
party introducing two persons to each other, 
provided it is agreeable to all concerned. In- 
troductions should be made wdth extreme 
care and caution, and not at all unless one is 
well acquainted with both parties. 

179 



ETIQUETTE 

Introductions (Continued) 

Outdoor introductions — as, when meeting 
others, or at outdoor sports — need not be 
formal, but can be done haphazard. This 
does not imply further acquaintance if not 
desired. 

Formula. A woman should introduce her hus- 
band to acquaintances as "My husband," 
and not ' c Mr. ' ' ; to intimate friends as 
"Henry." 

Hostess. Introductions to the hostess at an 
"At Home," or reception by women assist- 
ing hostess, of those who have been invited to 
the entertainment by them, are not recognized 
thereafter unless by mutual consent. 

The hostess receiving in her own home 
should offer her hand to all to whom she is 
introduced. 

The hostess introduces her immediate fam- 
ily to all her guests. No formal permission 
is necessary. 

In the case of one woman desiring an intro- 
duction to another, the hostess should be 
asked to bring this about. 

Introduction, Letters of. The introduction of one 
person to another by letter is as follows: The 
party introducing writes the name of the party 
he introduces upon his own card, and above 

180 



ETIQUETTE 

Introduction, Letters of (Continued) 

his name the words: Introducing Mr. Wilson 
(his friend's name). It is then placed in an 
envelope and addressed to the person to whom 
the introduction is to be made. On the 
lower left-hand corner of the envelope, Intro- 
ducing Mr. Wilson, is written, and given to 
the bearer unsealed. 

The party to whom a letter of introduction 
is given should send it by mail to the party 
they desire to be introduced to, enclosing 
their own card with address, and then await 
invitation to call. 

This is preferable to calling in person, as 
it may not be agreeable or desirable for the 
party to open and begin such an acquaintance. 

In business introduction, such formality 
may be set aside. 

If a letter of introduction is personally de- 
livered, the party presenting it should also 
enclose card. 

If the party called upon is not at home, 
the letter or card should not be left, but sent 
by mail or messenger. 

The one giving another a letter of intro- 
duction may write to the friend explaining 
why it is done, who and what the party is. 

If a man sends a letter of introduction to 
a woman, she should acknowledge it, and, if 
she wishes, invite him to call. 

1S1 



ETIQUETTE 

Introduction, Letters of {Continued) 

Party Receiving — Women. The party receiv- 
ing cards of introduction should call in per- 
son upon woman introduced; if unable to do 
so, a letter should be sent, stating reasons of 
inability to be present. A member of the 
family may make the call instead. It should 
be done within three days. 

If not agreeable to receive party for any 
reason, a card may be sent or left. No per- 
sonal visit need be made. 

Invalid's Calls* A woman unable to call from sick- 
ness may have her calls made for her by her 
sister, or daughter, or some female relative. 

Invitations* Care should be exercised in inviting 
new acquaintances to breakfast, luncheon, or 
dinner, unless there are some particular 
reasons why they will be especially agreeable 
to those invited. 

All invitations should be sent by mail. 
Verbal invitations should be avoided as 
much as possible, and if a verbal one is given, 
it should be followed immediate^ by one in 
writing. 
Accepting or Declining. Invitations to all 
entertainments, when answers are expedled, 
should be acknowledged by a written letter 
of acceptance or regret. The answer should 

182 



ETIQUETTE 

Invitations (Continued) 

be sent to the person or committee issuing the 
invitation. 

Invitations to dinners, musicales, wed- 
dings, and breakfasts should be answered at 
once, and those to balls, dances, and recep- 
tions within one week. 

Invitations to ordinary " At Homes," teas, 
or w r eddings, which do not include invita- 
tions to the wedding breakfast or reception, 
need no acknowledgment. 

The invitations sent to a family — as, 
mother, or daughter, or several daughters — 
may be answ r ered by one person for all. But 
invitations sent to the men of the family 
should be answered by each man. 

When it is found necessary to decline after 
accepting an invitation, a card should be sent 
the evening of the entertainment with an ex- 
planatory letter the day following. 
Balls. Invitations to balls or assemblies should 
be answered immediately, and if declined the 
ticket should be returned. 
Dancing. While a woman may accept or decline 
any invitation to dance, it is considered a 
discourteous act to refuse one man and to ac- 
cept thereafter from another an invitation to 
the same dance. 
Weddings. Such invitations should be answered 
at once, except when the invitation does not 

183 



ETIQUETTE 

Invitations {Continued) 

include an invitation to the wedding recep- 
tion or breakfast, in which case no answer is 
needed. 

Addressing. When invitations are sent to a 
husband and wife and daughter, only one en- 
velope is needed, the daughter's name appear- 
ing under her parents. Separate envelopes 
should be addressed to two daughters — as, 
Misses Wilson. 

Separate envelopes should be addressed to 
each son. 

Men. If an invitation is sent to a man, he should 
answer it himself; but if sent to a man and 
wife, the latter may answer for both. 

To Cau, with Chaperone's Permission. If 
permission is asked, and if agreeable, a chape- 
rone should invite a man to call upon her and 
her protege. 

Every effort should be made to call at the 
specified time. 

To Cai.Iv on Women. If a woman invites a man 
to call without specifying the time, it is 
equivalent to no invitation at all. 

To Cau, on Women through Letters of 
Introduction. If a man having a letter 
of introduction sends the same by mail to a 
woman, it should be acknowledged by a writ- 
ten invitation to call. If the person receiving 

184 



ETIQUETTE 

Invitations (Co?ztznued) 

the letter does not care to receive the party, a 
card is sent which ends the matter. 

R. S. V. P. The use of these letters — standing 
for Repondez, s'il vous plait (Answer, if you 
please) — is decreasing. All invitations bear- 
ing these letters should be answered at once. 
These may be used on invitations to cere- 
monious receptions, breakfasts, luncheons, 
dinners, and to meet a prominent person. 

Wife. When a husband and wife are invited to 
a dinner, and the former does not accept, 
the wife should also decline and give her 
reasons. The hostess can then invite the 
w r ife only, who may accept. 

Women. A young woman receiving an invita- 
tion to a man's supper, tea, or dinner, may 
accept, if she has the consent of her mother 
or chaperone, and is assured that a chaperone 
will be present. 

Women — Theatre. Women receiving an invi- 
tation from a man for the theatre should have 
the consent of mother or chaperone, and when 
they accept, may, with propriety, request 
their escort not to provide a carriage unless 
full dress on their part is requested. 

Afternoon Teas. See Afternoon Teas — Invi- 
tations. Afternoon Teas (Formal) — Invita- 
tions. 

185 



ETIQUETTE 

Invitations (Continued) 
At Homes. See At Homes— Invitations. 
Bachelors' Dinners. See Bachelors' Dinners — 
Invitations. 

Bachelors' Teas. See Bachelors' Teas — Invi- 
tations. 

Balls. See Balls— Invitations. 
Breakfasts. See Breakfasts— Invitations. 
Bride. See Bride— Invitations. 
Christenings. See Christenings— Invitations. 
Cotillions. See Cotillions-— Invitations. Cotil- 
lions by Subscriptions — Invitations. 

MusicalES. See Musicales — Invitations. 
Pall- bearers. See Pall-bearers— Invitations. 
Parties. See Parties— Invitations. 
Telephone. See Telephone Invitations. 
Theatre. See Theatre and Opera Parties 

Given by Men — Invitations. 
Verbal. See Verbal Invitations. 

Ivory Wedding* This is the thirtieth wedding anni- 
versary, and is not usually celebrated. If, 
however, it is done, the invitations may bear 
the words: No presents received, and in accept- 
ing or declining the invitation congratulations 
may be extended. Any article of ivory is ap- 
propriate as a gift. An entertainment is usu- 
ally provided. 

186 



ETIQUETTE 

Jewelry — Men* Jewelry, except the very plainest, 
should not be worn, and in general the less 
the better. A display of diamonds and fancy 
jewelry betrays the poor taste of the wearer. 
A man wearing the pins and badges of 
secret societies should see that they are small 
and unobtrusive, for in jewelry, as in all 
matters of dress, quality rather than quan- 
tity is to be desired. 

Jr. When the son is named after the father, he 
adds Jr. to his name. Upon the death of the 
father he omits it. This abbreviation is 
sometimes added to a woman's name on her 
card when her husband has the same name as 
his father, and it is necessary to distinguish 
between the cards of the daughter-in-law 
and the mother-in-law. 

If the mother-in-law should become a 
widow and wish to retain the husband's 
baptismal name, she should add Sr. , while 
her daughter would erase Jr. 

If both become widows, and wish to 
retain their husband's Christian names, the 
daughter-in-law should add Jr. 

Justice of the United States Supreme Court — How 
Addressed* An official letter begins : Sir, 
and ends: / have, sir, the honor to remain 
your most obedient servant. 

m 



ETIQUETTE 

Justice of the U. S* Supreme Court {Continued) 

A social letter begins: Dear Justice Wilson, 
and ends : Believe me, most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is: Mr. Jus- 
tice John J. Wilson . 

King of England— -Horn) Addressed. An official letter 
begins: Sir, may it please your Majesty, and 
ends: I have the honor to remain your Majes- 
ty s 7nost obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: Dear Sir, and ends: 
/ have the honor to remain your Majesty's 
most obedient servant. 

The address on the envelope is: To His 
Most Gracious Majesty, King Edward. 

Kiss, Wedding. The kiss in the wedding ceremony 
is being done away with, especially at church 
weddings. Only the bride's parents and her 
most intimate friends should kiss her, and 
for others to do so is no longer good form. 

Knife and Fork* The knife is always held in the 
right hand, and is only used for cutting the 
food. The fork is used not only in eating 
fish, meat, vegetables, and made dishes, but 
also ices, frozen puddings, melons, salads, 
oysters, clams, lobsters, and terrapin. 

The knife should never be used to carry 
food to the mouth. 

See also vSpoon. 

188 



ETIQUETTE 

Knight— Ho<w Addressed* An official letter begins: 
Sir, and ends: / have the honor to remain, 
sir, your obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Sir John Wil- 
son, and ends : Believe me, dear Sir John, 
faithfully yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To Sir 
John Wilso?i. 

Wife of. See Wife of Knight. 

Laundress— -Tips* Guests at the end of a house 
party do not tip the laundress unless she has 
done special work for them. 

Leather Wedding* This is the twelfth anniversary 
of the wedding-day, and is not usually ob- 
served. If, however, it is observed, the in- 
vitations may bear the words: No presents 
received, and congratulations may be ex- 
tended in its acceptance or declination. Any 
article of leather would be an appropriate 
gift. An entertainment usually follows. 

Letters. 
Addressing. See Addressing and Signing Let- 
ters, and also under title of person addressed 
— as, Governor, Mayor, etc. 

Written after House Parties. If the visit 
has been more than two days in length, a 
guest should write to the hostess a short let- 



Letters ( Continued) 

ter, telling of his pleasant visit and safe 

journey home. 
Conclusion of. See Conclusion of a Letter. 
Of Condolence. See Condolence, Letters of. 
Of Introduction. See Introduction, Letters of. 

Lettuce leaves should not be cut, but folded up with 
a fork, and then lifted to the mouth. In the 
event of these being too large for this treat- 
ment, they should be broken into suitable 
pieces with the fork. 

License, Marriage. A license, when required by 
State law, should be obtained by the groom 
and handed to the officiating clergyman the 
day before the ceremony. Usually a small fee 
is charged, and the details, when entered upon 
the clerk's records, are open to public inspec- 
tion. The day need not be named, and until 
the marriage is solemnized the license has no 
binding effedl. 

Luncheons* Usually only women are invited to 
these entertainments. Oddities, such as pink, 
blue, and yellow luncheons, are not in good; 
taste. They should be as simple as possible. 
Informal luncheons are the same as in- 
formal breakfasts. A more formal luncheon 
is proper when introducing a special guest. 

190 



ETIQUETTE 

Luncheons {Continued} 

Small tables are used, and diagrams of their 
arrangement are placed in the dressing-room, 
designating the places of the guests. 
Cau,s. Calls should be made a week after 

entertainment. 
Women. Women dress in visiting toilettes and 
wear their bonnets, laying aside their wraps 
in the dressing-room. Gloves should be re- 
moved at table. 

After coffee, the guests should take their 
leave, making some gracious remark to the 
hostess. 

Calls should be made a week after the 
entertainment. 

Given by Bachelors. See Bachelors' punch- 
eons. 

Guests. Only women, as a rule, attend lunch- 
eons. For further details, see I,uncheons — 
Women. 

Hostess. Introductions take place in the parlor. 
At the appointed hour the hostess leads the 
way to the drawing-room, followed by the 
guests. 

The hostess and principal guest should sit 
at one of the centre-tables. Between the 
courses the hostess and two of the women 
seated with her rise and change seats with 
others. This may be done by others also if 

191 



ETIQUETTE 

Luncheons {Continued) 

they desire. They take their napkins with 
them. 

Hours. The hour is from i to 2 p.m. 

Introductions. Introductions take place in the 
parlor. 

Invitations. Cards are engraved, and sent two 
weeks in advance. 

Men — Leaving Cards. If men are invited, they 
should, after a luncheon, leave a card for host 
and hostess, whether the invitation was ac- 
cepted or not; or it may be sent by mail or 
messenger, with an apology for so doing. 

Maids — Tips* It is customary for guests leaving 
after a visit at a private house to remember 
the maid who has taken care of the room 
by giving her a reasonable tip. A woman 
should give more for extra attention. 

zM&id of Honor. This important person is selected 
by the bride, and acts for her in all details, 
being virtually mistress of ceremonies and fill- 
ing a position requiring administrative ability 
and tact. She acts in the same capacity as 
the best man does for the groom. 

She is invited, of course, to the dinner 
given by the bride to the bridesmaids. 

She fulfils whatever duties the bride has 

192 



ETIQUETTE 

Maid of Honor {Continued*) 

been unable, from press of time, to attend to 
— as, making calls, etc. 

Church. She goes to the church with one of 
the parents of the bride, and meets the bride 
and the bridesmaids in the vestibule. In the 
procession she follows behind the brides- 
maids, and precedes the flower girl, if there 
is one— otherwise the bride. On their arrival 
at the altar she takes her place by the side of 
the bride, and is ready at the plighting of the 
troth to take the bride's glove and bouquet, 
and returns them to her at the end of the 
ceremony. 

After the congratulations of the clergy- 
man, she parts the bridal veil, arranges the 
bride's train, and follows the bride down the 
aisle to the vestibule. 

Here, after giving her best wishes to the 
bride, she takes her carriage to the bride's 
house to take part in the reception or break- 
fast. 

Day of Wedding. She should be at the house 
of the bride on the morning of the wedding- 
day to assist the bride's mother, to see that 
the trousseau is all ready and packed, that 
the bridesmaids are on time, and to attend 
to the many details liable to arise. 

Dr J5SS. Her dress should be some delicate color 
other than white, so as not to detradl from 

193 



ETIQUETTE 

Maid of Honor (Continued) 

the bride, and should be subdued in compari- 
son. It may be, and usually is, more 
elegant in quality than that of the brides- 
maids. 

Wedding Breakfast. The best man escorts the 
maid of honor, and they are usually seated 
at the bridal table. 

Wedding Reception. She stands next the 
bride to receive with her, and also retires 
with her to assist the latter in exchanging 
her wedding-dress for the traveling-dress. 

It is her privilege to cast a slipper at the 
carriage which takes away the married 
couple, and her duty to prepare packages of 
rice, which are given to the guests to be 
thrown after the married couple as they 
leave the house. 

Mail, Invitations Sent By* AH invitations should be 
sent by mdl and verbal ones avoided. 

Mail or Messenger, Sending Cards by* See Cards, 
Visiting — Sending by Mail or Messenger. 

Man Servants — Tips* It is customary for a man, 
at the end of a house party, to give to the 
man servant who has adled as his valet a 
suitable tip. 

194 



ETIQUETTE 

Marchioness — How Addressed* An official letter 
begins: Madam, and ends : I have the honor 
to remain your Ladyship' s most obedient 
servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Most Noble the Marchioness of Kent. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lady Kent, 
and ends : Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very 
sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Marchioness of Kent. 

Marchioness, Dowager—Horn) Addressed, An offi- 
cial letter begins : Madam, and ends : I have 
the honor to remain your Ladyship' s most 
obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lady Ke?it, 
and ends : Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very 
sincerely you rs . 

The address on the envelope in both cases 
is : To the Dowager Marchio?iess of Kent f or 
To Mary, Marchioness of Kent. 

Marquis — How Addressed* An official letter begins : 
My Lord Marqtiis, and ends : I have the 
honor to be your Lordship' s obedie?it servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Most Noble the Marquis of Kent. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lord Kent, 
and ends : Believe ?ne, Lord Kent, very sin- 
cerely yours. 

195 



ETIQUETTK 

Marquis {Continued) 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Margins of Kent. 

Marquis* 

Daughter of. See Daughter of Marquis. 

Wife of Younger Son of. See Wife of 
Younger Son of Marquis. 

Younger Son of. See Son (Younger) of Mar- 
quis. 

Marking Wedding Presents* While it is not strictly 
necessary that wedding presents be marked, 
yet it is customary, and they should always 
be marked with the bride's maiden name, un- 
less specially intended for the groom's indi- 
vidual use. 

Matinees* Proper music should be provided. 

The refreshment-room should be within 

easy reach. Light dainties should be served 

occasionally to those not caring to go to the 

refreshment-room . 
Dress. If after six o'clock, evening dress should 

be worn; otherwise, afternoon dress. 
Host. The head of the house need not be present. 
Hostess. The hostess and those assisting her 

should not dance, unless all her guests are 

provided with partners or are otherwise 

entertained. 

196 



ETIQUETTE 

Matinees {Continued) 

Invitations. These may be written or engraved, 
with Dancing and the hour for beginning in 
the lower left-hand corner. They should be 
sent two weeks in advance, and should be 
promptly answered. 
Men. Gloves should be worn when dancing. 

See also Balls. Cotillions. Dances. 
Dancing. 

Mayor of a City — Hotv cAddressed. An official let- 
ter begins : Sir, or Your Honor \ and ends : / 
have the honor ; sir, to remain your obedient 
servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Mayor 
Wilson, or, Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends: Be- 
lieve me, most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is: His Honor, 
the Mayor of Kent, John /, Wilson. 

Men. 
Addressing Envelopes. See Addressing En- 
velopes — Men. 

Afternoon Dress. See Afternoon Dress — Men. 

Afternoon Teas. See Afternoon Teas— Men. 

Bachelors' Dinners. See Bachelors' Dinners 
— Men. 

Bachelors' Teas. See Bachelors' Teas — Men. 
Balls. See Balls — Men. 



ETIQUETTE 

Men (Continued) 

Bicycling. See Bicyling — Men. 

Bowing. See Bowing — Men. 

Breakfasts. See Breakfasts — Men. 

Califs. See Calls — Men. 

Cards. See Cards, Visiting — Men. 

Chaperones. See Chaperones — Men. 

Christenings. See Christenings — Men. 

Conclusion of Letters. See Conclusion of a 

Letter — Men. 
Cotillions by Subscriptions. See Cotillions by 

Subscriptions — Men. 
Dances. See Dances — Men. 
Dancing. See Dancing — Men. 
Debutante. See Debutante — Men. 
Dinners. See Dinners — Men. 
Driving. See Driving — Men. 
Dress. See Dress — Men. 
Engagement. See Engagement — Men. 
Evening Dress. See Evening Dress — Men. 
Flowers. See Flowers — Men. 
Funerals. See Funerals — Men. 
Garden Parties. See Garden Parties — Men. 
Gloves. See Gloves — Men. 
High Tea. See High Tea— Men. 
House Parties. See House Parties — Men. 
Introductions. See Introductions — Men. 
Invitations. See Invitations — Men. 
JEWELRY. See Jewelry — Men. 
Luncheons. See Luncheons — Men, 

198 



ETIQUETTE 

Men ( Continued ) 

Morning Dress. See Morning Dress — Men. 
Mourning. See Mourning — Men. 
Newcomer, Residents* Duty to. See New- 
comer, Residents' Duty to Men. 
Riding. See Riding — Men. 
Salutations. See Salutations — Men. 
Shaking Hands. See Shaking Hands — Men. 
Stationery. See Stationery — Men. 
Street-cars. See Street-cars — Men. 
Street Etiquette. See Street Etiquette — Men. 
Theatre Parties. See Theatre Parties — Men. 
Titles. See Titles— Men. 
Tra veiling. See Traveling — Men. 
Weddings. See Weddings — Men. 

Messenger, Sending Cards by. See Cards, Visiting 
— Sending by Mail or Messenger. 

Minister {Protestant) — How Addressed* An official 
letter begins : Reverend Dear Sir, and ends : 
/ remain shieerely yotirs. 

A social letter begins : Dear Mr. Wilson, 
and ends : I beg to remain sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : The 
Reverend John J. Wilson, But if the clergy- 
man holds the degree of D.D. (Dodtor of 
Divinity), the address may be : The Reverend 
JeJmJ. Wilson , D.D., or Reverend Dr. John 
J. Wilson. 

199 



ETIQUETTE 

Minister* See Clergyman. 

Miss* This is the prefix both in conversation, cor- 
respondence, and on the visiting-card of the 
eldest daughter, the next daughter being 
known as Miss Annie Smith ; but an the 
death or marriage of the eldest daughter, she 
becomes Miss Smith, 

Monograms. If men and women wish, these may 
be stamped in the latest colors on their sta- 
tionery. When the address is stamped, it 
is not customary to stamp the monogram. 

The latest fashion in the style of mono- 
grams require that they should be the size of 
a ten-cent piece. 

All individual eccentricities of facsimiles 
of handwriting, etc., should be avoided. 

It is not customary to have the monogram 
on the flap of the envelope. 

If sealing-wax is used, it should be of some 
dull color. 

Morning < Dress. 
MEN. Morning costume consists of a dark frock 
coat, with vest and light trousers. This can 
be worn at any entertainment occurring in 
the daytime — as, weddings, luncheons, re- 
ceptions of all kinds, matinees, or ceremoni- 
ous visits. 

Anything worn is admissible in morning 

200 



ETIQUETTE 

Morning Dress {Continued) 

dress, a business suit, cutaway y sack suit, 
hats or caps, and undressed kid gloves of a 
dark color. 

At out-of-town resorts, golf, wheeling, and 
yachting costumes suitable for outdoor sport 
may be worn in the morning. 

It is considered the correcSt thing for a man 
to tie his own tie instead of bu}^ing them 
ready made. 

See also Afternoon Dress — Men. Evening 
Dress — Men. 

Mother* A mother should receive an invitation for 
any function to which her daughters are in- 
vited^ and should go and return with them. 
Debuts. The mother and the elder unmarried 
daughter, prior to the debut, calls formally 
upon those who are to be invited. She 
stands at her daughter's side to receive the 
congratulations of the guests, and at a dance 
she selects the first partner to dance with the 
debutante, and at the dinner or supper is 
escorted by the most distinguished man. 
See also Chaperone. 

Mother of Bride* At the wedding reception she is 
escorted by the father of the groom, and re- 
ceives with the married couple. 

At the wedding breakfast she is escorted 
by the father of the groom. 

201 



ETIQUKTTE 

Mother of Groom* At the wedding reception she 
receives with the married couple. 

At the wedding breakfast she is taken in 
by the father of the bride, following after 
the ushers and the maids of honor. 

Mourning* Those in mourning for parent, child, 
brother, or husband should not be seen at 
any public function or private entertainment 
before six months have passed. 

Cards. These are the same size as visiting-cards. 
A black border is used, the width to be regu- 
lated by the relationship to the deceased 
relative. 

They should be sent to indicate temporary 
retirement from and re-entrance into society. 
Within a month after death in a family 
friends should leave cards. The persons re- 
ceiving the same should acknowledge the 
remembrance and sympathy when they are 
ready to resume their social functions. This 
may be done by letter or card. 

Men. Mourning cards are the same size as visit- 
ing-cards, and a black border is used, the 
width to be regulated by the relationship of 
deceased relative. 

Womkn. Mourning cards should be sent, to in- 
dicate temporary retirement from society. 
Later cards should be sent, to indicate return 
to society. 

202 



ETIQUETTE 

Mourning {Continued) 

Children. Children umder twelve need not be 
dressed in mourning, tkough they often are. 
Only the lightest material should be used. 
Girls of more advanced age do not wear veils, 
but crape may be worn in hat or dress, ac- 
cording to taste. 

For parent, brother, or sister, mourning is 
worn for about one year. 
Men. Men wear mourning @ae year for loss of 
wife. 

A erape band should be worn around the 
hat, its width being determined by the near- 
ness of the relative mourned for. It is usu- 
ally removed after eight months. 

A widower wears mourning for one year, 
or, if he wishes, eighteen months, and for a 
brother, sister, parent, or a child, from six 
months to a year, as he desires. For the 
loss of other relatives, duration of mourning 
is generally regulated by the members of the 
family. 

The wearing of a black band on the coat 
sleeve in token of half-mourning is an Eng- 
lish custom, and is somewhat practised in 
this country. 
Stationery — Men. A widower uses a black 
border about one-third of an inch on his sta- 
tionery, and this at intervals is diminished. 

All stamping should be done in black. 

an 



ETIQUETTE 

Mourning {Continued} 

Women. A widow's stationery should be heav- 
ily bordered, and is continued as long as she 
is in deep mourning. This is gradually de- 
creased, in accordance with her change of 
mourning. 

All embossing or stamping should be done 
in black. 

Weddings. Mourning should never be worn at 
a wedding, but it should be laid aside tem- 
porarily, the wearer appearing in purple. 

Widows. A widow should wear crape with a 
bonnet having a small border of white. The 
veil should be long, and worn over the face 
for three months, after which a shorter veil 
may be worn for a year, and then the face 
may be exposed. After six months white 
and lilac may be used, and colors resumed 
after two years. 

Women. The mourning dress of a woman for 
parent, sister, brother, or child is the same 
as that worn by a widow, save the white 
bonnet ruche— the unmistakable mark of a 
widow. 

For parents and children, deepest mourn- 
ing is worn at least one year, and then the 
change is gradually made by the addition of 
lighter material or half-mourning. 

For other members of the family — as, aunts, 
uncles, grandparents, cousias, etc. — black 

204 



ETIQUETTE 

Mourning {Continued) 

clothes should be worn, but not lieavy 
mourning. 

Complimentary mourning is worn for three 
months ; this does not necessitate crape and 
veil, but any black material can be used. 

Women, for Children. For a child, mourning 
is usually worn for six months, thereafter 
substituting black and white. 

For Brother and Sister, etc. Mourning for 
a brother or sister, step-parents, or grand- 
parents is the same as for parents, but the 
time is shorter, generally about six months. 
For an aunt, uncle, or cousin the time is 
three months. 

For Fiance;. In the event of the death of a 
woman's betrothed shortly before the date of 
the wedding, she may wear black for a short 
period or full mourning for a year. 

For Husbands. Mourning cards are sent out, to 
indicate that they are not making or receiving 
calls. 

Mourning is generally worn for two years, 
and sometimes much longer. Woolen 
material of the deepest black and crape 
should be worn during the first year. 

When out-of-doors a crape veil should be 
worn for a year, or at least three months, 
covering the face, or, if preferred, the veil 
may be thrown over the shoulder, and a 

205 



ETIQUETTE 

Mourning {Continued) 

small one of tulle, or other suitable material, 
edged with crape, worm over the face. 

A crape bonnet should be worn, and a very 
small white ruche may be added if desired. 

After the first year a gradual change to 
lighter mourning may be made by discarding 
the widow's cap and shortening the veil. 
Dull silks are used in place of crape, accord- 
ing to taste. In warm weather lighter 
materials can be worn — as, pique, nun's veil- 
ing, or white lawn. 

Black fars and sealskin may be worn. 
Precious stones, such as diamonds and pearls, 
may be used if moumted in black enamel. 
Gold jewelry should not be used. A woman 
should avoid all pretensions to excessive 
styles. 
For Husband's Relatives. A married woman 
wears mourning for her husband's immediate 
relatives. 
For Parents and Grandchildren. Mourning 
for these persons is generally worn for one 
year. During the first six months, black 
material trimmed with crape is used, and also 
a deep veil, which is thrown over the back of 
the head and not worn ever the face, as for a 
husband. After this period the mourning" 
may be lightened, according to taste. 

See also Death in the Family. Funerals. 

206 



ETIQUETTE 

Mr. and Mrs. Cards ( Visiting). These cards are not 
generally used for ceremonious calls after the 
first series of return calls made by the 
bride. 

If the husband is unable, the first year 
after marriage, to make formal calls, his wife 
uses the Mr. and Mrs. cards, and such is 
accepted as a call from him. But after 
one year she should leave their separate 
cards. 

These are used on formal occasions — as, 
returning a first call, condolence, congratula- 
tions, or P. P. C. — when both the husband 
and wife are represented. 

When they are used the first year after 
marriage, they should have the address in 
right-hand corner and reception days in 
lower left-hand corner. 

The card should read : 

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Wren Wilson 

Music* 

Weddings. The organist and the music are 
usually selected by the bride. Before her ar- 
rival, the organist plays some bright selec- 
tion ; but on her entering the church and 
passing up the aisle, he plays the wedding 
march. 

Afternoon Teas (Formal). Music is always 
appropriate on these occasions. 

207 



ETIQUETTE 

Musicales. 

Dress. The rule would be that at an afternoon 
affair afternoon dress would be worn, and 
evening dress at an evening affair. 

Hours. For an afternoon musicale, the hours 
are usually from four to six. For an elabo- 
rate evening drawing-room concert, any hour 
may be selected. 

Invitation's. These are sent out two weeks 
before the event. If entertainment is in the 
evening, they should be issued by husband 
and wife. If given in honor of a prominent 
person at any hour whatever, the cards 
should be engraved, and in either case the 
word Music should appear in the lower left- 
hand corner. 

These should be acknowledged at once by 
a letter of acceptance or regret. 

Napkins, when in use, are laid on the lap, and, when 
finished with, are not folded up unless one is a 
guest for a few da}^s; on all other occasions 
they are left unfolded. A good plan is to 
follow the example of the hostess. 

When fruit is brought on, a small fruit 
napkin is placed across the knee or held in 
the right hand, with which to hold the fruit, 
and when it is no longer needed, it should 
be laid beside the plate. 

208 



ETIQUETTE 

Navy, Secretary of— How Addressed,. An official 
letter begins : Sir, and ends : / have, sir, the 
lionor to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : My dear Mr. Wil- 
son, and ends : / have the ho?wr to remain 
most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : Hon. John 
J. Wilson, Secretary of the Navy. 

New Acquaintances* 

Women. New acquaintances should not be in- 
vited to entertainments unless agreeable to 
all concerned. 

An entertainment can be given to meet 
new acquaintances if there be some special 
reason for so doing. 

Elderly persons and professional people can 
send their cards to younger persons if they 
wish to continue acquaintance. 

Newcomers. 

Ball Invitations. It is allowable for a new- 
comer wishing to give a ball to borrow the 
visiting list of some friend; but she should en- 
close in each invitation a calling card of this 
friend, so that the invited ones may know 
that the friend is adting as a sponsor. 

Duty of. No effort should be made to obtain 
recognition of older residents. 

Visits from neighbors should be returned 

209 



ETIQUETTE 

Newcomers {Continued) 

within a week. If from any reason a new- 
comer is unable to call, a note stating the 
reason should be sent. 

If visit of neighbor's male relative is de- 
sired, a woman may send him a written or 
verbal invitation; but if visit is not desired, 
no notice is takem of his card, in the event of 
one having been left. 

Residents' Duty to Men. When calling, kins- 
woman leaves cards of all the male members 
of family who are in society. If these cards 
left by kinswoman are not followed by an 
invitation to call, it is presumed that the 
acquaintance is not desired. Men can not 
call upon women of the family of new resi- 
dent, unless invited to do so by either verbal 
or written message. 

Residents' Duty to Women. The newcomer 
receives the first call from the older resident, 
which should be made within a reasonable 
time. Women making the first call, leave 
their own card and those of the male mem- 
bers of the family. 

It is unnecessary to be introduced in the 
absence of letters of introduction. Visits 
should be of short duration. 

Olives are eaten with the fingers, 
210 



ETIQUETTE 

Opera* See Theatre. 

Oranges, served in divided sections, sweetened, and 
the seeds removed, should be eaten with the 
fork. If served whole, cut into suitable por- 
tions. Remove seed and skin. 

Organist at Weddings* The organist is seledled by 
the bride, but the fee is paid by the groom. 

Overcoat— Men Calling on Women* When making a 
formal or brief call, the overcoat should be 
left in the hall. 

P. P* C* Cards {Visiting) * These letters— standing 
for Pour prendre congS (To take leave) — are 
written in the lower left-hand corner of the 
visiting-card. These cards are used as a 
formal farewell to such friends and acquaint- 
ances whose friendship it is desired to con- 
tinue. 

They may be left in person, or sent upon 
departure from city or winter or summer 
resort. They are rarely used in brief visits, 
and should only be used at the close of a 
season. 

Care should be exercised in sending them, 
as an oversight in so doing may cause the 
loss of good friends. 

Pages at Weddings* At the wedding, if pages are 
present, they are usually dressed in satin 
court costumes, and carry the bride's train. 

211 



ETIQUETTE 

Pall-bearers. It is not good taste to ask relatives to 
be pall-bearers. The usual number is six to 
eight elderly men for elderly person, and of 
young men for a young man. Six young 
women in white would be a suitable number 
to a<5l as pall-bearers for a young woman. 

Pall-bearers should be asked either by note 
or by a representative of the head of the fam- 
ily of the deceased. 

The pall-bearers assemble at the house at 
the appointed hour, and there take the car- 
riages reserved for them. They disperse 
after the church service. 

Except in the case of young women, car- 
riages are not sent to bring pall-bearers to 
the house. 

Calxs. After accepting an invitation to a<5t as a 
pill-bearer, a man should call at the house of 
the bereaved and leave his card. 

A few days after the funeral he should call 
again and leave his card. If he wishes, he 
may simply ask at the door after the women 
of the family. 

Dress. The pall-bearers wear black frock coat, 
trousers, and waistcoat, a black silk hat with 
a mourning band, black shoes, and black kid 
gloves. The linen should be white 

FLOWERS. Unless there has been a request not 
to send flowers, a pall-bearer may do so after 
his first call. 
212 



ETIQUETTE 

Patt-bearers {Continued) 

If he wishes, a few days after the funeral 
he may send flowers to the women of the 
family with his card, on which should be 

written: With the compliments of . 

Invitation's. The invitation should be promptly 
accepted or declined, and if accepted only 
illness or unavoidable absence from the city 
would excuse a man from attending. 

Paper Wedding* The first wedding anniversary is 
called the paper wedding, and is not usual- 
ly celebrated. If, however, it is celebrated, 
the invitations may bear the words: No 
presents received. Congratulations should be 
extended in accepting or declining the invi- 
tations. Any article of paper would be an 
appropriate gift. An entertainment should 
follow. 

Parties. These are less formal than balls. 

They generally begin at nine or nine-thirty, 
with dancing at ten-thirty or eleven. The 
supper precedes the dancing. Those who do 
not take part in the dancing may leave be- 
fore it begins. 
Invitations. These are engraved, giving hour 
for beginning in lower left-hand corner, and 
should be sent two weeks in advance. One 
envelope only need be used. They should 
be answered promptly. 

213 



ETIQUETTE 

Patronesses* It is customary for the management 
of any institution giving a public ball to 
formally invite six, eight, or more married 
women to adl as patronesses, and for their 
names to appear on the invitations. If 
badges are worn, each patroness is sent one 
or given one at the ball-room. 

The patronesses, after being welcomed at 
the ball by the management committees, take 
their places, ready to receive the guests. 

The Committee of Arrangements should 
look after the patronesses, introduce distin- 
guished guests to them, escort them to sup- 
per and finally to their carriages. 

See also Cotillions by Subscriptions — 
Patronesses. Dances. 

Peaches should be quartered and the quarters peeled, 
then taken up by the fingers and eaten. 

Peas are eaten with a fork. 

Plums and Grapes should be eaten one by one, and 
the pits allowed to fall noiselessly into the 
half-closed hand and then transferred to the 
plate. 

Postal Cards* It is wise to restridl the use of pos- 
tals to impersonal communications; but if 
they must be used, the message should be 
brief with an apology for its use. It is a 

214 



ETIQUETTE 

Postal Cards (Continued*) 

good plan in addition to omit the usual My 
dear, and to sign with the initials only and 
the full surname. 

Postponing Dinners See Canceling Dinners. 

Postponing Weddings* See Weddings — Invitations 
Recalled. 

Precedence* 

Dinners. See Dinners — Precedence. 
Funerals. See Funerals — Precedence. 
Theatre. See Theatre — Precedence. 

Presents* See Gifts. 

President— Ho<vd Addressed* An official letter be- 
gins : Sir, and ends : / have the ho?ior to re- 
main your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : My dear Mr. Presi- 
dent, and ends : / have the honor to remain 
most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : President 
John Wilson. 

Prince, Royal— Ho<w Addressed* An official letter 
begins: Sir, may it please your Roy at High- 
ness, and ends: / have the honor to re7nain, 
sir, your Royal Highness' humble servant. 

215 



ETIQUETTE 

Prince, Royal {Continued) 

A social letter begins : Dear Sir y and 
ends: Your Royal Highness* most obedient 
servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To His 
Royal Highness , the Prince of Wales* 

Princess, ^oyat—How Addressed* An official letter 
begins : Madam, may it please your Royal 
Higlmess, and ends : Your Royal Highness' 
most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Madam, and 
ends : Your Royal Highness' most obedient 
serva?tt. 

The address on the envelope is : To Her 
Royal Highness, the Princess of Wales. 

Private Weddings* These are attended only by 
intimate friends and members of the 
family, and vary but little from home wed- 
dings. 

If the family is in mourning the cards are 
issued with the name of bride and groom 
and new address, together with card having 
bride's maiden name, and the announcement 
cards are sent after the ceremony. 

Afternoon dress should be worn at an after- 
noon wedding, and evening dress at an eve- 
ning wedding. 

216 



ETIQUETTE 

Proposals of Marriage. The time, manner, and de- 
tails of proposals of marriage are appro- 
priately left to the good taste and judgment 
of the groom. If the proposal is rejected, 
good taste, womanly refinement, and cour- 
teous consideration demand that it be kept 
an inviolate secret, and any such breach of 
confidence may be rightly deemed the a<5l of 
a woman without taste ortadt, and nn worthy 
of respedl. 

Proposals by women, while permissible, 
are not customary. 

Public Balls. By public balls are meant county and 
charity balls, and balls given by social insti- 
tutions where dancing is the main feature. 
These public balls differ from private ones in 
that all the duties of the hostess fall upon 
some committees. 

These committees would follow the same 
rules as laid down for a hostess — issuing 
engraved invitations from fourteen to seven- 
teen days in advance, engaging a caterer, 
etc. 

The etiquette for a public ball is the same 
as for a private one, save that guests arrive 
and depart when they please without taking 
leave of those who receive, and men wishing 
introductions apply for them to the Floor or 
Reception Committee. 

217 



ETIQUETTE 

Public Balls {Continued} 

At the cloak-rooms a small fee is paid to 
the attendant. 

See also all entries under Balls. 

Badgks. It is customary for the men and women 
on the committees to wear on the left side of 
the breast ornamental and embroidered 
badges, with the official position designated 
on it. 

Committee. The committee at a public ball 
takes the place of the hostess, filling all her 
duties and offices. 

Patronesses. It is customary for the manage- 
ment formally to invite six, eight, or more 
married women to adl as patronesses of the 
ball, and for their names to appear on the 
invitations. If badges are prepared for the 
patronesses, one is sent to each patroness or 
handed to her on the evening of the dance. 

The patronesses should be welcomed at 
the ball by the management, and they then 
take their position ready to receive the guests. 
The management should look after the 
patronesses, to see that they are taken into 
supper, to introduce prominent guests to 
them, and, finally, to escort the patronesses to 
their carriages. 

Public Places* See also Elevators. Restaurants. 
Street-cars. Street Etiquette. 

218 



ETIQUETTE 

R* S* V* P* The use of these letters— standing 
for RSpendez, sHl votes plait (Answer, if you 
please) — is decreasing. All invitations to 
which, acceptances are expected should be 
answered at once. If preferred, however, 
the above abbreviations may be used on the 
following: invitations to ceremonious recep- 
tions, breakfasts, luncheons, dinners, and to 
meet a prominent person. 

Railroad — Men* A man should remove his hat in a 
parlor-car, but not in a day coach. 

Recalling Wedding Invitations. When from some 
good reason a wedding has to be canceled or 
postponed, the parents of the bride should 
send, as soon as possible, printed notices, giv- 
ing reasons to all the guests. 

Receptions. Reception days are placed in the lower 
left-hand corner of visiting-cards — as, Until 
Lent, or, In January — and may be either 
engraved or written. 

Daughters have no reception day of their 
own, but receive on their mother's reception 
day. 

The etiquette at receptions is the same as 
at afternoon teas. 

See also Afternoon Teas. At Homes. 

219 



ETI&UETTE 

Receptions {Continued') 

Hours. Afternoon receptions are held from 4 to 

7 P.M. 

Evening receptions are held from 9 to 

II P.M. 

Invitations, Accepting or Declining. These 
should be acknowledged within a week, either 
by a letter accepting, or declining with regret. 

Introductions. The man should seek an in- 
troduction to any woman he wants to meet. 

The hostess makes what introductions she 
deems proper. 

Dress. For an afternoon reception guests should 
wear afternoon dress, and for an evening re- 
ception evening dress. 

Afternoon, Given by Bachelors. See Bach- 
elors' Teas. 

Evening. The etiquette is the same as for an 
afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards 
are left by the guests, and that the guests 
should wear evening dress. 

See also Afternoon Teas (Formal). 

Wedding. See Wedding Receptions. 

Refreshments. 
Wedding Receptions. The refreshments are 
placed on tables, and the guests help them- 
selves or are helped by the bridesmaids. 
The groom and bride are waited upon by the 
guests. 

220 



ETIQUETTE 

Register, Signing of. This is sometimes done by 
the bride and the groom. This takes place 
in the vestry, and the best man signs as chiei 
witness and some of the guests as witnesses. 

Rehearsals, Wedding. Rehearsals should be held 
even for a quiet home wedding, and at a suffi- 
ciently early date to insure the presence of 
all who are to participate. 

Reporters at Weddings. If such is the wish of the 
family of the bride, the best man attends to 
the reporters, and furnishes them with the 
names of groom, bride, relatives, friends, de- 
scription of gowns, and other suitable details. 

Residence, Change of— Women. After a change of 
residence, the cards of the entire family should 
be sent out as soon as possible. 

Restaurants. If at a table, and a woman bows, the 
man should rise and bow in return. If a 
man is one of a party sitting at a table, and a 
woman with her escort stops to pass greetings, 
he should rise and stand until they depart. 

One man introduced to another who is sur- 
rounded by male friends should rise to ac- 
knowledge the honor of the introduction. 

When a man is with a woman he should 
exercise great care in recognizing male ac- 
quaintances who may be in doubtful com- 

221 



ETIQUETTE 

Restaurants (Continued) 

pany. He should avoid being in such com- 
pany himself when in such places. 

Smoking in restaurants is a general cus- 
tom. The rules of the house govern this. 

All fees to the waiters should be paid by 
the one who pays the bills. If a woman is 
paying her own bill when with a man, it is 
in order for her to fee the waiter. 

Ribbons at Church Weddings* One way of dis- 
tinguishing the pews reserved for the family, 
relatives, and dearest friends of both fami- 
lies is the placing of white ribbons at the di- 
viding pews. Before the arrival of the bride, 
the ushers, in pairs, at the same time, untie 
these ribbons, and stretch them along the 
outside of these pews, and thus enclose the 
guests and bar further intrusion. 

If these ribbons are used, it is a good 
plan ta enclose in the wedding invitation a 
card giving number of pew. 

The advantage of not using ribbons is the 
avoidance of any possible discrimination. 

Rice at Weddings. The tkrowing of rice is to be 
discouraged ; but if it is to be done, the maid 
ef honor should prepare packages of rice 
and hand them to the guests, who throw it 
after the bridal couple as they leave the house 
for their wedding trip. 

222 



ETIQUETTE 

Riding, 

Micn. When riding with a woman, a man should 
always assist her both to mount and to 
alight, even if a groom is present. 

It is customary for the woman to set the 
pace, and for the man, who always rides on 
her right, to accommodate himself to her™ 
trotting, galloping, or walking his horse as 
she may do. 

He should always be ready to open all 
gates for her, and to do all things that will 
make the riding pleasant for her. If at a 
fox-hunt, this would mean that he must be 
ready to sacrifice much of his personal pleas- 
ure that she may enjoy herself. 

Dress. There is a perfectly well-accepted 
dress for men who ride in the park, though 
it is open to elderly men to wear clothes less 
pronounced. 

The correal dress is full riding-breeches, 
close-fitting at the knee, leggings, a high- 
buttoned waistcoat, and a coat with the con- 
ventional short cutaway tails. The hat is an 
alpine or a derby, and the tie the regulation 
stock. These, with riding-gloves and a 
riding-crop, constitute the regular riding- 
dress for a young man. 

A man should always consult his tailor, 
that the dress in all its details may be stridtly 
up to date. 

223 



ETIQUETTE 

Riding {Continued) 
Women — Dress. There is a well-prescribed 
riding-dress for women as for men. The 
habit of dark material, with skirt falling just 
over the feet when in the saddle, and the 
close-fitting waist, with long or short tails, 
together with the white collar and black or 
white tie, constitute the regulation dress. 
The derby hat is smaller than formerly. 
Gloves of a dark color and a crop with a 
bone handle are always in place. Any 
jewelry, save that which is absolutely neces- 
sary, should be shunned. 

In summer it is permissible to modify this 
costume. 

As in the case of a man, a woman should 
consult a tailor of good practical experience, 
that her costume may be in the corredl style. 

Ring, Engagement See Engagement Ring. 
Ring, Wedding* See Wedding Ring. 

Rising from the Table. The signal to leave the 
table is always given by the women, and the 
men rise to let the women pass. At a formal 
dinner the signal is given by the hostess. 

Salt is best taken up with the tip of the knife. 

Salted Nuts are eaten with the fingers. 
22& 



ETIQUETTE 

Seat of Honor is at the right of the host. 

Second Helping* At formal dinner parties, lunch- 
eons, and breakfasts, second helpings are 
never offered by the host or hostess, and 
should not be asked for by the guests. This 
is only permissible at a small dinner party 
or at the daily family meal. 

Of course, this does not apply to a second 
glass of water, for which the guest asks, or 
for wine. It is the duty of the waiter to see 
that the guest is constantly supplied. 

Second Marriages. See Widows — Weddings. 

Secretary of Agriculture* See Agriculture, Secre- 
tary of. 

Secretary of Commerce* See Commerce, Secretary of. 
Secretary of Interior* See Interior, Secretary of. 
Secretary of Navy* See Navy, Secretary of. 
Secretary of State* See State, Secretary of. 
Secretary of Treasury* See Treasury, Secretary of. 
Secretary of War* See War, Secretary of. 

Seeds should be removed from the mouth with the 
aid of a fork, or dropped into the half -closed 
hand. 



ETIQUETTE 

Senator— How Addressed. An official letter begins: 
Sir, and ends: / have, sir, the honor to re- 
main yonr most obedient servant, 

A social letter begins : My dear Senator 
Wilson, and ends : Believe me, most sincerely 
yours. 

The address on the envelope is : Senator 
John J. Wilson, or, To the Hon. John J. 
Wilson. 

Servants — Tipping* It is customary for guests leav- 
ing a house after a visit to tip the servants, 
unless positively requested by the hostess not 
to do so. The average tip would be one 
dollar, with more for extra attention. 

Shaking Hands. 

Dances. It is not customary to shake hands at 

formal dances. 
Host and Hostbss. The host and the hostess 
should shake hands with each guest as they 
arrive. 

If guest takes leave of host and hostess, 
they should shake hands. If they are sur- 
rounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell 
is admissible. 
Mkn. At a wedding, the opera, or a dance, and 
all very formal occasions, gloves should not 
be removed when shaking hands. 

If the hostess wears gloves at any formal 

226 



ETIQUETTE 

Shaking Hands {Continued) 

affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands 
with her. He should give a slight pressure 
only. 

A man with hands gloved should never 
shake hands with a woman without an apol- 
ogy for so doing, unless she likewise wears 
gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make 
a handshaking in gloves unavoidable. Un- 
less the other party is gloved, a man should 
apologize. 

When men are introduced to men, they 
always shake hands. It is bad form to crush 
the hand when shaking it. 

When introduced to a woman, men should 
bow, but not offer to shake hands. 

Cai,i^. If the woman is seated when a man en- 
ters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if 
she wishes, shakes hands. She has the 
option to shake hands or not, and should 
make the first advances. It is bad form for 
him to do so. 

Womkn. Upon introduction, a woman may 
shake hands with either men or women, but 
a slight inclination of the body, a pleasant 
smile, and an appropriate remark are more 
corredl. 

A young girl, upon being introduced to an 
older woman, should await the a<5lion of the 

227 



ETIQUETTE 

Shaking Hands (Continued) 

elder, who will shake hands if kindly dis- 
posed. 

If one person extends the hand, it should 
be accepted without the slightest hesitation, 
to avoid embarrassment. 

Signing Letters* See Addressing and Signing let- 
ters. 

Sitk Weddings. This is the name of the forty-fifth 
wedding anniversary, and is now seldom ob- 
served. If it is, any article of silk would be 
appropriate as a gift, and congratulations 
may be extended in accepting or declining 
the invitations. The invitations may have 
the words : No presents received* An enter- 
tainment usually follows. 

Siher Weddings. After twenty-five years of mar- 
ried life> the silver wedding may be cele- 
brated. On the invitations sent out may be 
engraved the words: No presents received. 

Congratulations may be extended in accept- 
ing or declining the invitation. Any article 
of silver is appropriate as a gift. An enter- 
tainment follows. 

At a silver wedding the invitations may be 
appropriately engraved in a silver-gray color, 
and the decorations are usually of the same 
color, 

228 



ETIQUETTE 

Slippen~tkrowing at Weddings. The throwing of 
slippers after the bridal couple on their leav- 
ing the house for their wedding trip is in 
poor taste. 

Smoking* At a dinner when the women rise, the 
men also rise and remain standing until the 
former leave the room, when cigars and coffee 
are served. Sometimes the men accompany 
the women to the drawing-room, bow, and 
then return to the dining-room for the coffee 
and cigars, where they remain about half an 
hour. 

Smoking in restaurants is a general cus- 
tom, but the rules of the house govern it. 
Theatres provide rooms for it, hence it should 
be limited to them. 

There should be no smoking at afternoon 
entertainments, unless the men are requested 
to do so by the host and hostess. 

At balls a room for smoking is generally 
provided. Smoking is not in good taste if a 
man is going to dance, as the odor of tobacco 
clings to the clothing. There should be no 
smoking in the dressing-rooms. 

Smoking a pipe in the street is becoming 
more common. It is poor taste, however, on 
a fashionable street. At best, any smoking 
in the street is bad form. 

Expectorating on the pavement is a most 

229 

Etiq.— 8 ^ 



ETIQUETTE 

Smoking (Continued) 

reprehensible habit. If it must be done, a 
man should step to the curb and expectorate 
in the street. 

Dances. Smoking should not be allowed in the 
dressing-room, but a special room should be 
provided. Men who dance should not smoke 
until leaving the house. 

In Presence of Women. Smoking in the 
street while walking with a woman should 
never be indulged in, although she seemingly 
is agreeable to it. If a man is smoking, and 
he stops to speak to a woman, he should 
throw away his cigar or cigarette. 

A man should not smoke in the presence 
of women unless bidden by them to do so. 
Few women care to say that it is disagreeable 
when asked, hence the better course is to 
await permission. 

Women. If a woman has true regard for herself, 
she should not indulge in smoking ; if she 
does, it should be in absolute privacy. 

Son* 

Bau,s. A son should do all in his power to 
make the ball a success by finding partners 
for the women having none, seeing that the 
men are introduced to the women, and taking 
in to supper a woman without an escort. 



ETIQUETTE 

Son (Continued) 

Cards. When a mother is calling, she can leave 
cards of her son for the host and hostess if it 
is impossible for him to do so himself. 

A son entering society can have his cards 
left by his mother for a host and hostess. 
Invitations to entertainments will follow. 

Son ( Younger) of Duke — How (Addressed* An offi- 
cial letter begins : My Lord, and ends : / have 
the honor to remain your Lordship } s obedient 
servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Ho7iorable the Lord John J. Kent. 

A social letter begins : My dear Lord John 
J. Kent, and ends : Believe me, my dear Lord 
John, faithjully yours. 

The address is : To the Lord John J. Kent. 

Son ( Younger) of Earl— How Addressed* An offi- 
cial letter begins : Sir, and ends : / have the 
honor to remain your obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Mr. Wilson, 
and ends : Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sin- 
cerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Honorable John Wilson. 

Son (Younger) of Marquis — How Addressed* An 
official letter begins : My Lord, and ends : / 

231 



ETIQUETTE 

Son (Continued) 

have the honor to remain your Lordship* s obe- 
dient servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right Honorable the Lord John J. Kent. 

A social letter begins : My dear Lord John 
J. Kent, and ends : Believe me, my dear Lord 
Kent, Jaithfully yours. 

The address is : To the Lord John J. Kent. 

Son (Younger) of Viscount — How c/lddressed. An 
official letter begins : Sir, and ends : / have 
the honor to remain your obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Mr. Wilson, 
and ends : Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sin- 
cerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Honorable John Wilson. 

Soup should be taken from the side of the spoon 
without noise and without the plate being 
tipped. Men with mustaches are privileged 
in this respedl, and may take the soup from 
the end of the spoon. 

Souvenirs. 

Bridesmaids. These are given by the bride to 
her bridesmaids a few days before the wed- 
ding, and take the form of fans or jewelry of 
some kind that may be worn at the wedding. 

232 



ETIQUETTE 

Souvenirs {Continued) 

A good time to present them is when the 
bride gives a farewell dinner or luncheon to 
her bridesmaids. 

Failing this, they may be sent a few days 
before the wedding. 

The souvenirs should, of course, be all the 
same in value and in style. 
USHKRS. The souvenirs given by the groom to 
the ushers usually take the form of scarf- 
pins or cuff-buttons. Sometimes the groom 
also gives the ushers neckties and gloves. 

A good time for their distribution is at the 
farewell bachelor dinner. 

Sponsors* Only relatives and near friends should 
be asked to a<5l as sponsors at a christening. 
Two women and one man are asked as spon- 
sors for a girl, and one woman and two men 
for a boy, though one man and one woman 
are sufficient in either case. 

These may be invited by note or personal 
call to a<?t as sponsors, and should answer by 
note or personal call. 

A few days before the ceremony the spon- 
sor should send a christening gift addressed 
to the child, and the giver's card, with g 
suitable sentiment written on it, should ba 
sent with the gift. 

A man may give some article of silver, and, 

233 



ETIQUETTE 

Sponsors {Continued) 

if a wealthy relative, a bank-book for money 
deposited in the child's name. 

A woman may present the child with a 
garment, a carriage, a cradle, or some similar 
article. 

It is in good taste for the sponsors to call 
immediately on the parents, to send flowers 
to the mother, and to show that they are 
pleased with the compliment. 

The godfather at the ceremony assents to 
the vows, and later, at the drinking of the 
wine, should propose both the health of the 
child and that of its mother. 

Spoon* The spoon should never be in the cup while 
drinking, but .should be left in the saucer. 
It is used in eating grapefruit, fruit salads, 
small and large fruit (when served with 
cream), puddings, jellies, porridges, pre- 
serves, and boiled eggs. 

Sr* The letters Sr. (abbreviation for Senior) are 
sometimes added to a woman's name on her 
card when her son has the same name as 
his father, and it is necessary to distinguish 
between the cards of the daughter-in-law and 
the mother-in-law. 

If both become widows, and yet wish to 
retain their husbands' Christian names, the 
daughter-in-law would add Jr. on her cards. 



ETIQUETTE 

Stag Parties* A party composed of men exclu- 
sively is sometimes so designated. They 
are usually informal in character, but may be 
as elaborate in detail as desired. 
Dress. The Tuxedo coat and black tie is worn, 
unless at a formal stag party, when evening 
dress is appropriate. 

State, Secretary of— How Addressed* An official 
letter begins : Sir, and ends : / have, sir, 
the ho7ior to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson, 
and ends : / have the honor to remain most 
sincerely yours. 

The address on the evelope is : Hon. John 
J. Wilson, Secretary of State. 

Stationery* 

Men. The variations from plainness and quiet- 
ness in the use of stationery that are per- 
mitted women are denied to men. Their 
paper is never perfumed, and all fancy styles 
are in poor taste. 

For his social correspondence a man should 
use white or gray linen or bank-note unruled 
paper, folding once in the envelope. 

He may, of course, use for social corre- 
spondence his club stationery. 

Under no circumstances should he use his 
business stationery for social correspondence. 

231 



SlI^UBTTfi 

Stationery (Continued) 

Women. Unruled plain white or gray paper, 
that folds once in the envelope, and black 
ink, are the standard materials for social cor- 
respondence. 

While it is permissible to use some of the 
latest fancy stationery, care should be taken 
that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely 
temporary variations are avoided. 

While it is better not to use perfumed 
paper, if any perfume is used it should be 
extremely delicate. 

Elderly women are apt to favor Irish linen 
or similar stationery. 

Strangers — Invitations to a Ball Asked for by Friends* 
See Balls — Invitations Asked for Strangers. 

Street-cars and Other Conveyances. 

Men. The old custom of a man giving up his 
seat in a street-car to a woman is being grad- 
ually done away with. This is due largely 
to the fadl that women are now so exten- 
sively engaged in commercial business that 
they are constant riders at the busy hours, 
and thus come into dire<5t competition with 
men. 

A well-bred man, however, will show his 
manliness by giving any woman his seat and 
standing himself, as she is less fitted for such 

286 



ETIQUETTE 

Street-cars and Other Conveyances (Continued) 

hardships and annoyances. A man should 
always give his seat to an elderly woman, 
one accompanied with children, or one appar- 
ently weak and sickly. In giving his seat 
to a woman, a man should politely bow and 
raise his hat. 

It is good form for a man to assist a woman 
getting on or off a car. If a man is accom- 
panied by a woman when she leaves the car, 
he should help her off the car. 

A man should always be polite and cour- 
teous toward a conductor, as the latter' s 
position is a hard and trying one. 

A man should never cross his legs or keep 
his feet extended in the passageway. 

If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a 
car already full, he should do so with consid- 
eration and politeness, and with an apology 
for pressing against any one. It is better to 
stand than to crowd yourself into a small 
space between those who are seated. 
Expenses. A man traveling with another man 
can pay the latter' s fare if he wishes. But 
if he is accompanied by a woman he should 
pay her fare. If he is in the car, and other 
acquaintances, men or women, enter, they 
should pay their own fares. 
Women. A woman should not look with a 
pained and injured air at the men passengers 

237 



ETIQUETTE 

Street-cars and Other Conveyances {Continued) 

because no one of them has offered her a seat. 
The great influx of women into the commer- 
cial world, and their being thrown into direcft 
competition with men, has largely done away 
with the fine old custom of men giving up 
their seats to women. The impoliteness of 
many women in accepting a seat as a matter 
of right and not of courtesy, and perhaps 
without a "Thank you," has helped largely 
to bring about the present state of affairs. 
No woman of ordinary good manners should 
fail to express her thanks for the courtesy 
proffered. If a woman is offered a seat she 
should accept it at once — without urging. 

A man may assist ^ woman in getting off 
a car. If a woman is accompanied by a man 
and she leaves the car, he should assist her 
to alight. 

A woman should wait till a car absolutely 
stops before she gets on or off, and she 
should face the front when leaving the car. 

If possible, a woman should have her car- 
fare handy or easy of access — preferably in 
her hand— before entering the car if it is 
crowded. A woman should avoid crowding 
into a small space between others, and it is 
better for her to stand than to occupy barely 
the edge of a seat. If it is absolutely neces- 
sary for her to enter a crowded car, she 

238 



ETIQUETTE 

Street-cars and Other Conveyances {Continued) 

should do so with an apology to those whom 
she may crowd. 
Conductor. A conductor occupies a difficult 
and trying position, and will always appre- 
ciate any courtesy shown him by a woman. 
If a woman desires a transfer, she should let 
him know in ample time; if she wants any in- 
formation from him, she should ask him when 
paying her fare, and should indicate her de- 
sire to leave the car at least a block ahead of 
her street. A woman should not trust to a 
conductor to remember her street, even if she 
has asked him, but should look out for the 
street herself. 
Expenses. If a woman is in a car and a man 
joins her, and the fare is not yet collected, she 
should pay her own fare. But if she is trav- 
eling with an escort she should not offer to 
pay her fare, as her escort pays the expenses. 

Street Etiquette. 

Men. If a man is passed on the street without 
any recognition by an acquaintance, he should 
hesitate before accepting it as a direcft cut, as 
it may have been an oversight. If it is re- 
peated, he will know its full meaning. 

To pass a person whom one knows and to 
look straight at him without recognition is 
the rudest way of dropping an acquaintance. 

239 



ETIQUETTE 

Street Etiquette {Continued) 

A man should avoid loud and boisterous 
behavior. 

If a man is compelled to force his way- 
through a crowded street, he should do so 
courteously and with an apology to any one 
inconvenienced by his a<5t. 

In walking three or four abreast, men 
should be careful not to obstrudt the thor- 
oughfare, but should quickly fall into single 
file when necessary. 

A man should greet his acquaintances on 
the street quietly and courteously, and if on 
a crowded street, should step out of the way 
of persons and be brief in his remarks. 

In all public places and conveyances a 
man should offer his seat to a woman, though 
he is not expecfted to do so when reserved 
seats can be obtained— as, in a theatre, at 
an opera, etc. 
Accidents. In case of accident or danger a man 
should protedl the woman whom he escorts, 
and take her to a place of safety. If her 
clothing is torn, or she has met with some 
accident of which she is unaware, a man may, 
if he desires, politely raise his hat and call 
her attention to the facft. If by accident a 
man jostles a woman or steps upon her dress, 
he should raise his hat, bow, and apologize, 
whether he knows her or not. 

240 



ETIQUETTE 

Street Etiquette {Continued} 

Bowing. A man should not bow to a woman 
until she has first recognized him, unless they 
are old acquaintances. 

A man should acknowledge the salutatio n 
of a woman on the street, even if he does not 
know her, as it saves her from embarrass- 
ment at her mistake. 

When bidding farewell to a woman after a 
conversation on the street, a man should bow 
and raise his hat. 

If a man offers his seat to a woman in a car 
or other conveyance, he should raise his hat 
and bow, while her escort acknowledges the 
courtesy by doing the same. 

When a man opens a door for a woman 
unknown to him, he should bow, while she 
enters in advance of him. 

A man should raise his hat and bow on all 
occasions when offering any courtesy to a 
woman, whether stranger or acquaintance. 

A man may bow to an elderly man or per- 
son of official position. 

A man may offer his services to a woman 
in crossing a crowded thoroughfare, and 
should raise his hat and bow when she is 
safely over, but should k make no comment 
unless she does so first. He may also offer 
her assistance in getting on or off a car, rais- 
ing his hat and bowing without remark. 

241 



ETIQUETTE 

Street Etiquette {Continued) 

If a man is accompanied by a woman and 
another man extends a courtesy to her, he 
should acknowledge it by bowing and giving 
a polite " Thank you.'' 

If when walking with a man a woman 
meets a male acquaintance who bows, her 
escort should raise his hat and bow, though 
the two men are strangers to each other. If 
the escort meets a man known to him, both 
men should raise their hats and bow. 

Canes and Umbrbixas. These should be car- 
ried vertically, never horizontally, thereby 
endangering other persons' eyes. Especially 
is this important when entering cars or going 
up long flights of steps — as, the stairs of the 
elevated railroad. 

Conversation. A man who meets a woman, 
and desires to engage in conversation with 
her, should ask permission to accompany her. 
If this is granted, he may proceed a short 
distance, unless requested to go farther. 

When meeting a woman on the street and 
stopping to converse with her, a man should 
raise his hat and replace it, as it is not now 
in good form for a man to remain bareheaded 
until requested by the woman to replace his 
hat. 

A man should avoid stopping a woman on 
the street to engage her in conversation. 

242 



ETIQUETTE 

Sheet Etiquette {Continued) 

Only an intimate acquaintance with a woman 
warrants a man joining her on the street. If 
it is not agreeable, it may be very embarrass- 
ing to her. 
Smoking. A man should never smoke while 
walking with a woman on a street. Smoking 
on fashionable thoroughfares is bad form. 

A man should avoid expectorating upon a 
sidewalk, and, if it must be done, should 
walk to the curb and use the street for that 
purpose. 
Walking. A man should not walk between two 
women, but at the side nearest the curb. 

When walking with a woman, a man 
should walk near the curb, unless passing 
an obstruction — as, a building in course of 
construction — when she should have the outer 
side to proteCt her from harm, or from coming 
in contact with disagreeable things. 

A man should offer his right arm to a 
woman, but this is rarely necessary in the 
daytime. It is essential, however, and 
proper for him to do so after dark. 
Women. ConduCt on the street should always 
be reserved. It is bad form to loudly laugh 
or to boldly glance at the passers-by, espe- 
cially men. 

Women should never walk three or four 
abreast. 



ETIQUETTE 

Street Etiquette {Continued) 

Women may salute each other with a bow 
and a handshake, but a kiss in public is no 
longer in good form. 

During a promenade, where friends pass 
and repass, it is not necessary to exchange 
greetings to each other. 

A polite " Thank you/' with a bow and a 
smile, should be the reward of any man ex- 
tending a courtesy to a woman. 

Bowing. It is the woman's privilege to deter- 
mine whom she will publicly recognize, and 
therefore she should bow first to all men 
whom she desires to favor. This formality 
is, however, unnecessary with intimate 
friends. 

Umbreixas. These should be carried vertically, 
and never horizontally under the arm. 

Walking. If a woman is walking with a man, 
and another man stops to speak, it would be 
in exceeding bad taste to ask him to join her. 

A woman should take a man's right arm, 
but only after dark, unless for some special 
reason — as, weakness, etc. — it is necessary. 

If a woman is walking alone, and a man of 
her acquaintance stops and speaks, he may 
ask permission to accompany her farther, 
which, if agreeable, should be granted. She 
may stop for a few moments' chat, and shake 

244 



ETIQUETTE 

Street Etiquette {Continued') 

hands if she wishes. If he stands before her 
with uncovered head, she should promptly 
ask him to replace his hat. She should not 
block the thoroughfare, and should take the 
initiative if he does not step to one side. 
If agreeable, an invitation may be extended 
to him to walk a short distance. 

Subscription Balls* 

Men. Shortly after receiving an invitation to a 
subscription ball, a man should leave a card 
for the patroness inviting him. 

Invitations. In addition to the regular invita- 
tions, it is customary to guard against the 
admission of persons not really invited by 
the use of vouchers to be shown at the 
hall door, or some similar precaution is 
taken. 

When a subscriber sends an invitation and 
a voucher, he should send in the same envel- 
ope one of his calling cards. 

Sunday Calls* Informal calls may be made on Sun- 
day after three o'clock by business and pro- 
fessional men, provided there are no religious 
or other scruples on the part of those receiv- 
ing the calls. 

Men should wear afternoon dress. 

245 



/ 

/ 



ETIQUETTE 

Suppers Given by Men — Women* A young woman 
may accept a man's invitation, provided slie 
has the consent of her mother or guardian, 
and is assured that a chaperone will be present. 

Suppers — Men* Suppers are generally for men. 
The hours are from ten to eleven. A man can 
give such entertainments in bachelor apart- 
ments or restaurant, and if women are in- 
vited, chaperones should be present. 

The invitations may be given personally, 
written, or a visiting-card may be used, giv- 
ing hour and date. If the supper is given in 
honor of a special guest, engraved cards or 
note sheets are used. 

Suppers may be of various kinds — such as 
Fish, Game, Wine, Champagne. 

Suppers and Theatre Parties* 

Men. A man should not invite a young woman 
to a theatre party or supper without inviting 
her mother or a chaperone to accompany 
them. At large theatre parties or suppers, 
when there are ten or more guests, several 
chaperones should be invited. Any married 
or elderly unmarried woman can adt as chape- 
rone, care being taken that they are well- 
known and agreeable to all, as much of the 
pleasure of the evening depends upon them. 

Carriages. A conveyance holding a large party 
can be sent to take invited guests to the en- 

246 



ETIQUETTE 

Suppers and Theatre Parties {Continued) 

tertainment. The chaperone should be 
called for first, and should be the last one to 
be left at home upon returning The chape- 
rones may use their own carriages and call 
for guests if they desire. If the chaperones 
call for the guests, the men can be met at the 
place of amusement. Conveyances should 
be provided for guests. 

Suppers Gvven by Bachelors. See Bachelors' 
Suppers. 

Table Etiquette. It is corredl to take a little of all 
that is offered, though one may not care for it. 
Bend slightly over the plate when carrying 
the food to the mouth, resuming upright 
position afterward. 

When drinking from a cup or glass, raise it 
gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents. 
Do not empty the vessel at one draught. 

Guests should not amuse themselves by 
handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or 
leaning their arms on the table. They should 
sit back in their chairs and assume an easy 
position. 

A guest at a dinner should not pass a plate 
or any article to another guest, or serve the 
viands, unless asked to do so by the hostess. 

Upon leaving the table, push the chair 
back far enough to be out of the way of others. 

247 



ETIQUETTE 

Table Etiquette {Continued) 

Accidents. Accidents, or anything that may be 
amiss at the table, should be unobserved by a 
guest unless he is the cause of it. In that 
event some pleasant remark as to his awk- 
wardness should be made and no more. The 
waiter should attend to the matter at once. 

If a fork or a spoon is dropped it should 
not be picked up by the guest, but another 
used, or ask the waiter to provide one. 

Conversation. Aim at bright and general con- 
versation, avoiding all personalities and any 
subjedt that all cannot join in. This is 
largely determined by the character of the 
company. The guests should accomodate 
themselves to their surroundings. 

See also Finger-bowl, Knife and Fork, 
Second Helping, Seeds, Spoon, Toothpicks, 
Wines, and names of individual fruits and 
foods — as, Apples, Bread, etc. 

Talking— Theatres. Conversation during the prog- 
ress of the play or the opera should be 
avoided and confined to the intermissions. 
The theatregoer should avoid all noise, ges- 
tures, or acftions that would annoy others. 

A man would be justified, when annoyed by 
a person talking loud near him, in asking 
him politely to speak lower. 

248 



ETIQUETTE 

Teas* 
Invitations. These need no acknowledgment. 

Given by Bachelors. See Bachelors' Teas. 

Afternoon. See Afternoon Teas. 

High. See High Tea. 

Telephone Invitations. Telephone invitations should 
be sent only to those with whom the utmost 
intimacy exists, and who will pardon the 
informality. 

Theatre. A young man may invite a young woman 
to the theatre or opera, even if he has but a 
slight acquaintance with her, but of course 
he should secure the permission of her parents 
or chaperone. 

It is corredl for the young man to inquire 
if the young woman prefers a box, or, if not, 
he should state in what part of the house he 
proposes to secure seats. This will enable 
her to determine how to dress. 

If the young woman wears street toilette, 
her escort may take her in any public con- 
veyance, but if she wears evening dress, he 
should provide a carriage. 

At the theatre he should precede the woman 
down the aisle to the seat or box; but if it is 
the latter, he should open the door and wait 
for her to pass. 

249 



ETIQUETTE 

Theatre {Continued) 

A man may use his judgment as to the aisle 
seat. If a better view can be had, or seem- 
ingly objectionable people are next the inside 
seat, it is perfectly proper to give the woman 
the aisle seat. 

A man should never leave his companion 
between the adts. The custom of both men 
and women going into the foyer at that time 
is a growing one, and is a relief to the 
audience. 

Refreshments at some fashionable place 
may follow after the entertainment. 

For a man to call on an acquaintance in an 
opera box does not relieve one of the duty of 
making a formal call in return for social 
favors. 
Bonnet. A woman of any consideration will 
either wear no bonnet at all or remove it as 
soon as the curtain is raised. 

It would be in place for a man or woman 
whose view is hampered by a bonnet to po- 
litely ask the wearer to remove it, and when 
it is done, to thank her. 
Men — Leaving Cards. After a theatre party 
given by a man, he should call within three 
days on the woman he escorted or leave his 
card. 
Precedence. In entering a theatre a man pre- 
cedes the women of his party, but after he 

250 



ETIQUETTE 

Theatre (Continued) 

has handed his coupons to the ushers he 
gives the women precedence, and follows 
them to their seats. 
Talking. Conversation during the progress of 
the play or the opera should be avoided, and 
confined to the intermissions. 

The theatregoer should avoid all noise, 
gestures, or actions tending to annoy others 
or to render himself conspicuous. 

A man would be justified, when annoyed 
by a person talking loud near him, in asking 
him politely to speak lower. 

Theatre and Opera Parties* 

Given by Men. A man giving a theatre or 
opera party should secure one or more chap- 
erones if women are to be present. 

Calls. The host should call upon his guests 
within three days or a week after the event. 

Carriages. The host may, if he choose, send 
carriages or a stage to collect all the guests. 
This is a formal and agreeable way to begin 
the evening's pleasure. The chaperone 
should be called for first. A more informal 
way is quite popular. The invitations hav- 
ing been given and accepted, the host informs 
each of his guests as to the others, and leaves 
a ticket with each one. All then meet in- 

251 



ETIQUETTE 

Theatre and Opera. Parties {Continued) 

formally at the place of amusement. If a 
dinner is given before the entertainment, 
carriages are provided to convey the guests 
to the theatre. 

Chaperone. A chaperone should always be 
present if women are to be members of the 
party. And if a stage or carriage calls for 
the guests, it should call first for the chape- 
rone. 

The chaperone who acfts as hostess should 
decide the hour to close the festivities. 

Dinners. If a dinner is given before the per- 
formance, it is generally given at six o'clock, 
the usual customs being followed. If pre- 
ferred, the dinner may follow the perform- 
ance, and may be given at any fashionable 
restaurant or hotel. If it is given before the 
play, at its termination the guests are con- 
veyed in carriages or stage to the theatre at 
the expense of the host. 

After the entertainment it is a good plan 
for the party to return to the banqueting- 
room to partake of slight refreshments. 

Dress. Men wear evening dress. Women wear 
full evening dress. 

Invitations. He may invite his guests in per- 
son or by note. In either case he should se- 
cure the parents' permission to allow the 

252 



ETIQUETTE 

Theatre and Opera Parties {Continued) 

young women to attend, and should be ready- 
to supply all information regarding the men 
who will be present, and also the chaperones. 
Mkn. The escorts should see the women home 
unless they are called for by the male mem- 
bers of their families, in which case they may 
be accompanied to their conveyances. If a 
young woman is called for by her maid in a 
carriage, her escort may take her home. 

Intimacy of the parties largely regulates 
the etiquette of such occasions. They can 
decide whether evening or street dress shall 
be worn, and seat themselves accordingly. 
A carriage should be provided. 

When entering an opera or theatre box for 
a short call, a man should stand and bow, 
making some pleasant remark to the chape- 
rone. If there is an empty chair, he may sit 
and talk a few minutes and retire as others 
enter. 
Women, Between the acfts it is perfectly proper 
to go into the foyer with the escort, who 
should carry the woman's wraps and see that 
all her w 7 ants are attended to. Should she 
desire anything, she should call on him first. 

The hat or bonnet should be removed. 

In a box the women occupy the front row 
while the men sit or stand in the rear. 

A woman should avoid conspicuous man- 

258 



ETIQUETTE 

Theatre and Opera Parties {Continued) 

ners, loud conversation, laughing, or acfling 
in any way to attract attention. 
Givkn by Women. This is a popular form of en- 
tertainment during the season. They are 
given by married women, and the guests are 
invited by note. A dinner is given at the 
house or at a restaurant before the depart- 
ure for the opera or play. Refreshments 
may also be given after the entertainment at 
either the house or restaurant. At the din- 
ner the same ceremonies are followed as to 
arrangements of guests and escorts as at any 
formal dinner. 

Toasts — Weddings* Toasts to the bride and groom 
are customary at the wedding breakfast or 
supper. 

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor din- 
ner, he should propose a toast to the bride. 

Theatre Parties* See also Chaperone — Men. 
Chaperone — Theatre. 

Third Person — Used in Correspondence* While it 
was formerly the correal usage to begin 
formal communications in the third person, it 
is now the custom to begin such letters : My 
dear Mrs. Smith, or Madam. 

The third person would be used only in 
writing to a workman, a strange servant, or 
a business firm. 

254 



ETIQUETTE 

Tin Wedding* After ten years of marriage, occurs 
the tin wedding. The invitations sent out 
may have the words : No presents received. 
Congratulations may be extended in accept- 
ing or declining the invitation. 

Every conceivable device made of tin is 
appropriate as a gift, but, as these are limited, 
ingenuity may be displayed in getting up 
oddities. An entertainment may follow. 

Tipping. 

At Baixs. It is not customary to tip the ser- 
vants at a private ball, but at a public one 
it is usual to give a tip to the attendant at 
the cloak-room. 

At Christenings. The father usually gives 
the nurse at a christening a sum of money, 
and the mother gives her some article of 
dress or piece of jewelry. 

At House Parties. See House Parties. Guests. 
Tipping Servants. Also under names of ser- 
vants — as, Coachman. 

Titles. 
Men's Cards. Men having titles use them be- 
fore their names — as, Reverend, Rev. Mr. y 
Rev. Dr., Army and Navy titles, and offi- 
cers on the retired list. 

LL.D. and all professional titles are placed 
after the name. Political and judicial titles 
are always omitted. 

256 



ETIQUETTE 

Titles {Continued) 

Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D. 
after their names. On cards intended for 
social use, office hours and other professional 
matters are omitted. 

Women's Cards. The same principles govern 
the titles on women's cards, with the addition 
that women should never use titles of their 
husbands. 

Toothpicks should not be used in public. If neces- 
sity requires it, raise the napkin over the 
mouth, with the hand behind it, using the 
toothpick as quickly as possible. 

Town, Returning to — Women. Cards of the entire 
family should be sent by mail to all acquaint- 
ances when returning after a prolonged 
absence. 

When using cards, if out of town, the 
place of a woman's permanent residence can 
be written on the card thus : New York. 
Philadelphia. 

Travelers' Visiting-cards* A woman visiting a place 
for a length of time should mail to her friends 
a visiting-card containing her temporary ad- 
dress. 

A man in a similar situation should call 
upon his friends, and if he does not find 
them at home should leave his card. 

256 



ETIQUETTE 

Traveling. 

Men with Women. When traveling with a 
woman, a man should see to the checking 
and care of her baggage. 

Men. As it is exceedingly trying and difficult 
for a woman to stand in a railroad train while 
it is in motion, it is the height of good man- 
ners for a man to offer her his seat and to 
insist on her taking it. 

Expenses. On a short boat or railroad trip a 
man should pay the expenses of a woman 
who accompanies him by his invitation. But 
on a long trip she should insist on paying 
her share, and he should accept her decision. 
Of course, he is at liberty, however, to pay 
all the expenses of slight entertainments — as, 
fruit, magazines, etc. 

He should see to the care of her baggage 
and all other details. 

Parlor-car. When traveling a long distance 
accompanied by a woman, a man should se- 
cure seats in the parlor-car. 

While it is admissible to offer assistance to 
a woman traveling in a parlor-car without an 
escort, it should be done in the most polite 
and delicate manner, and be perfe<5ily agree- 
able to her. 

Women. If a woman arrives at a strange place, 
especially a large city, and no one meets her, 
she should ask the station porter to attend to 

257 



ETIQUETTE 

Traveling {Continued) 

her baggage and all such details, and, if 
traveling farther, to see to her ticket and to 
find for her the right train. 

If at the end of her journey she gives him 
the address she desires to go to and her trunk 
checks, he should procure a carriage for her. 
This saves her much worry and annoyance 
and needless risk. 

The same suggestions apply to steamboat 
travel. 

Expenses. If a woman is asked by a man to 
take a short boat or railroad trip, he should 
pay her fare and all other expenses. But if 
on a long trip — as, a summer outing — and she 
is escorted by a man, she should insist on 
paying her own fare and all expenses, allow- 
ing him, however, to pay the expenses of 
slight entertainment — as, fruit, magazines, 
etc. 

Parlor-car. Her escort should attend to all 
details of traveling. If she is traveling 
alone, she should always ride in the parlor- 
car and have the porter attend to her wants. 
While it may be proper to accept in a parlor- 
car attentions from a man if he is accom- 
panied by a woman, the greatest caution is 
required if he is alone; in fact, it is well to be 
on one's guard, when traveling alone, against 
the attentions of both men and women. 

258 



ETIQUETTE 

Treasury, Secretary of— How Addressed* An official 
letter begins: Sir, and ends: 1 have \ sir, the 
honor to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wil- 
son, and ends : / have the honor to remain 
most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is: Hon. John 
J. Wilson, Secretary of Treasury. 

Trousseau, Wedding* The bride exhibits the trous- 
seau at a dinner given to the bridesmaids and 
maid of honor a few days before the wedding. 

Turning SJown Corner of Visiting-cards* This 
should not be done. 

Tuxedo* The Tuxedo coat and waistcoat are worn 
at all informal affairs when no women are 
present, such as small theatre parties (when 
not occupying a box), bowling and card 
parties, restaurants, and the like. 

It may be worn on the street in the eve- 
ning with a low hat. A black tie should 
always be worn, and never, under any cir- 
cumstances, a white one. 

See also Evening Dress — Men. 

Umbrellas* 
Mkn Caujng on Women. When making a 

formal or brief call, the umbrella should be 

left in the hall. 
Carrying. Umbrellas should be carried verti- 



ETIQUETTE 

Umbrellas {Continued) 

cally, never horizontally, thereby endanger- 
ing other persons' eyes. Especially is this im- 
portant when entering cars or going up long 
flights of steps — as, at an elevated railroad 
station. 

Ushers* A sufficient number of ushers should be 
provided for to allow of two for each aisle. 
A good plan is to have one seledted as the 
master of ceremonies, and for him to go to 
the church on the wedding-day in ample 
time to personally see that all the details 
have been carried out. They should be 
present at all rehearsals. 

The ushers are usually presented by .the 
groom with some small trinket, such as a 
pin, as a souvenir of the occasion. 

Cau&. The ushers should call upon the married 
couple as soon as the latter have returned 
from their wedding trip. 

Church. The ushers should arrive at the 
church before the guests. 

Each usher should have a list of all the 
intended guests for whom special places are set 
aside, and should check off the names of the 
guests as they arrive. He should know the 
various guests and where to place them; but 
if he does not know them personally, he 
should consult his list. 

260 



ETIQUETTE 

Ushers (Continued} 

The upper ends of the middle aisles of 
both sides are usually reserved for invited 
guests, and are distinguished from the rest 
of the church by having a white ribbon or a 
string of flowers stretched across the aisle. 
The immediate family and special guests 
occupy the front seats, the family and the 
guests of the bride taking the left side and 
those of the groom the right side of the 
aisle. Other guests should be given the best 
seats, according to their priority in arriving. 

It is in bad taste for an usher to reserve 
seats for his own friends as against the first- 
comers. 

In seating guests, the usher should give 
his left arm to a woman and escort her to 
her seat while her escort follows. 

Before the arrival of the bridal party the 
ushers take the ribbons at either end, and, 
walking the length of the aisle, close it 
against intrusion. Upon the arrival of the 
bride they form in pairs in the vestibule and 
lead the procession, followed by the brides- 
maids, also in pairs. When they approach 
the altar they separate, one-half to the right 
and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do 
likewise, and stand in front of the ushers. 

At the conclusion of the ceremony they 
follow last in the procession to the vestibule, 

261 

Etiq— 9 



ETIQUETTE 

Ushers {Continued) 

where, after giving their best wishes to the 
bride and congratulations to the groom, they 
hasten as soon as possible to the bride's home 
to assist in introducing and meeting the 
guests at the reception or breakfast. 

DRESS. At a morning or afternoon wedding they 
wear black frock coats. 

At an evening wedding they wear full eve- 
ning dress, also white kid gloves, which are 
not removed during the ceremony. 
Hats should be left in the vestibule. 

FLOWERS. If the boutonnitrs are given by the 
bride, they should go to her house to receive 
them and to have her place them in the lapels 
of their coats ; or the boutonnters may be 
kept at the church in the care of the sexton. 

GLOVES. For morning or an afternoon wedding 
the gloves are gray. At an evening wedding 
the gloves are white kid. The gloves are 
not removed during the ceremony. 

Jewelry. They wear the scarf-pins or cuff- 
buttons given to them by the gfoom. 

Neckties. At a morning or afternoon wedding 
the neckties are usually of some delicate color. 
At ail evening wedding the neckties are 
white, as is customary with evening dress. 

Wedding Breakfast. The ushers pair off with 
the bridesmaids, and are usually seated at a 
table assigned to them. 



ETIQUETTE 

Ushers (Continued) 
Wedding Receptions. The ushers should in- 
troduce the guests to the groom and bride, call- 
ing the latter " Mr. and Mrs. A.," beginning 
with the relatives and friends, and continuing 
with the others till all have been introduced. 
In introducing the guests, the usher should 
offer his arm to the woman, and if not know- 
ing her, should ask her her name, while her 
escort follows and is introduced at the same 
time. The bride may request the usher to 
introduce the guests to the parents. 

Valet 

Tips. It is customary for a man leaving after a 
house party to give to the valet who has 
waited upon him at least one dollar and more, 
in proportion for added attention. 

With Master on Visit. As a general rule, 
few American men take their valets with 
them when they visit. But when such is the 
case, the valet would wait upon his master, 
and should give as little care to the household 
as possible. 

Veil 

Mourning. See Widow — Mourning. 

Wedding. This should be white. While its 
length depends upon the wishes of the bride, 
the long veil is more in keeping with the 
traditions and customs of the ceremony. 

268 



ETIQUETTE 

Verbal Invitations. All invitations should be sent 
by mail, and verbal invitations avoided if 
possible ; if one is given, it should be fol- 
lowed by one in writing. 

Vice-President — How Addressed. An official letter 
begins: Sir, and ends, / have, sir, the honor 
to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins : My dear Mr. Wil- 
son, and ends : / have the honor to remain 
most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : The Vice- 
President, John J. Wilson. 

Viscount— How Addressed. An official letter be- 
gins: My Lord, and ends : / have the honor 
to be your Lordship } s obedient servant. 

The address on the envelope is: The 
Right Honorable Viscount Wilson. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lord Wil- 
zon, and ends : Believe me, my dear Lord 
Wilson, very sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Viscount Wilson. 

Viscountess — How (Addressed. An official letter be- 
gins: Madam, and ends: / have the honor to 
remain your Ladyship' s most obedient servant. 
The address on the envelope reads: To the 
Right Honorable, the Viscountess of Kent. 
A social letter begins : Dear Lady Kent, 



ETIQUETTE 

IXscountess {Continued) 

and ends: Believe me, dear Lady Kent y sin- 
cerely yours. 

The address on the envelope reads: 7!? the 
Viscountess of Kent. 

Viscount* 

Daughter of. See Daughter of Viscount. 

Wife of Younger Son. See Wife of Younger 
Son of Viscount. 

Younger Son of. See Son (Younger) of Vis- 
count. 

Visiting-cards* See Cards, Visiting. 

Visitors to Town — Cards* Visitors to town should 
send cards to every one whom they desire to 
see, with the address written on the cards. 

Vouchers* These are safeguards against the admis- 
sion of uninvited guests at a subscription 
ball, and take the form of cards to be shown 
at the door. 

When a person sends one of these vouchers 
and an invitation to a person, he should en- 
close one of his calling cards. 

44 Wallflowers/' This is the name commonly 
applied to young women at a ball who do 
not dance because of lack of partners. It 
should be the aim of the hostess, with the 
aid of her sons and daughters, to find part- 
ners for such young women. 

265 



ETIQUETTE 

War, Secretary of — How Addressed. An official 
letter begins: Sir, and ends: / have, sir, the 
honor to remain your most obedient servant. 

A social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wil- 
son, and ends: / have the honor to remain 
most sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is : Hon. John 
J. Wilson, Secretary of War. 

Wedding. 

Breakfast. See Wedding Reception or Break- 
fast. 

Cake. At the conclusion of the wedding break- 
fast the cake is placed before the bride, who 
first cuts a piece, and then it is passed to the 
others. More often it is put up in small 
white boxes and given to the guests, or 
the boxes containing the cake are placed on a 
I table in the hallway, and the guests each 

take one on their departure. 

Day. The wedding-day is named by the bride, 

and her mother's approval is asked by the 

groom. 

It is not customary for the bride to see the 

groom on the wedding-day till she meets him 

at the altar. 
Kiss. The kiss in the ceremony is being done 

away with, especially at church weddings. 

Only the bride's parents and her most inti- 

266 



ETIQUETTE 

Wedding (Continued) 

mate friends should kiss her, and for others 
to do so is no longer good form. 
Receptions or Breakfasts. The married 
couple, on arriving at the house of the bride, 
place themselves in a convenient location, 
and, assisted by the best man, maid of honor, 
and the parents of both parties, receive the 
invited guests. Congratulations are given 
to the groom and best wishes to the bride. 

A reception is more often given than a 
breakfast, as it allows more invitations and 
more freedom, and the refreshments are 
placed on the tables, so that the guests help 
themselves or are served by the bridesmaids. 

The guests wait upon the married couple. 

At a breakfast, when the congratulations 
are over, the breakfast is announced, and 
the married couple lead the way to the table 
reserved for them. Parents of both parties, 
the best man, and the maid of honor are 
usually placed at this table. 

Guests leave a card for the host and host- 
ess and another for the married couple. 

Invitations are sent with the wedding invi- 
tations, but only to the nearest relatives and 
friends. 

They should be immediately acknowledged, 
either by letter of acceptance or declination 
with regret. 

267 



ETIQUETTE 

Wedding {Continued) 

Trip. All details should be arranged before- 
hand by the best man, who knows the des- 
tination, and should keep it an inviolate 
secret, revealing it only in case of accident. 

It is becoming the fashion for the married 
couple to do away with the trip, and instead 
to begin their married life in their own home. 

VEix. This should be white. While its length 
depends upon the wishes of the bride, the 
long veil is more in keeping with the tradi- 
tions and customs of the wedding ceremony. 

Women — Cards. When invitations have been 
received to the church but not to the wed- 
ding reception, cards should be sent to the 
bride's parents and to the bridal couple. 

Weddings* 

Aisle Procession. See Weddings — Procession 
Up the Aisle. 

Anniversaries. See Anniversaries — Wedding. 

Announcements. Announcement cards are sent 
the day after the wedding, and need not be 
acknowledged. They should be prepared 
beforehand and ready to be mailed. The 
expense is borne by the family of the bride. 
At a home or a private wedding, announce- 
ment cards can be sent to friends out of town. 

268 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 
At Home. See Home Weddings. 
Best Man. See Best Man. 

Best Wishes. Best wishes should be given to 
the bride and congratulations to the groom. 

Bouquets. The bouquet carried by the bride is 
furnished by the groom, who may also provide 
bouquets for the bridesmaids if he wishes. 

Bride. See Bride. 

Bridesmaids. See Bridesmaids. 

Cake. See Wedding Cake. 

Calls. See Weddings — Invitations — Calls. 

Cards of Admission to Church. These cards 
are used at all public weddings held in 
churches, and when used no one should be 
admitted to the church without one. They 
are sent with the wedding invitations. 

They are kept in stock by the stationer, 
and are not expensive. 

Cards, Visiting, after Marriage. Mr. and 
Mrs. cards are used by the wife only within 
one year after the marriage, after which sep- 
arate cards are in order. These Mr. and 
Mrs. cards are used in sending gifts, con- 
gratulations, condolence, and at ceremonious 
affairs, when both the husband and wife are 
represented. 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

Carriages. Carriages should be provided to 
take the bride and her family to the church 
and back to the house, and also the guests 
from the church to the receptions. 

The expense is borne by the family of the 
bride, save for the carriage used by the 
groom, which takes him and the best man to 
the church, and later takes the married 
couple to the house, and after the reception, 
to the station. 

Choir-boys. See Choir-boys at Weddings. 

Congratulations. Congratulations may be 
sent with letter of acceptance or declination 
of an invitation to a wedding to those send- 
ing the invitations. And if acquaintance 
with bride and groom warrant, a note of 
congratulations may be sent to them also. 

Guests in personal conversation with the 
latter give best wishes to the bride and con- 
gratulations to the groom. 

Church. See Best Man — Church. Bride — 
Church. Bridesmaids — Church. Groom — 
Church. Ushers — Church. 

Dances. It is not usual to have dances after the 
wedding. 

Departure of Married Couple. See Wed- 
dings — Married Couple. 
Dress. See Best Man — Dress. Bride — Dress. 

270 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

Groom— Dress. Weddings— Guests — Dress, 
etc. 

Expenses. All the expenses are borne by the 
bride's family, except the fees for the license, 
clergyman, organist, and sexton. The wed- 
ding-ring, the carriages for the groom, ushers, 
best man, and the carriage which takes away- 
the married couple, are also paid for by the 
groom. 

He also furnishes souvenirs to the maid of 
honor and bridesmaids, best man and ushers, 
and all expenses of the wedding trip. 

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor din- 
ner, he bears all expenses. 

Farewell Bachelor Dinners. See Groom — 
Farewell Dinner. 

Farewell Bridal Luncheon. See Bride — 
Farewell Luncheons. 

Fees. The wedding fee, preferably gold or 
clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the 
best man to the officiating clergyman. Cus- 
tom leaves the amount to the groom, who 
should give at least five dollars or more, in 
proportion to his income and social position. 
The clergyman usually gives the fee to his 
wife. 

Flower Girls. See Flower Girls. 

271 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

FLOWERS are in general use. The quantity and 
quality of floral decorations must depend 
upon the taste and the wealth of the parties 
concerned. 

Bride. The bride, if she desires, carries at the 
wedding ceremony a bouquet given by the 
groom. Flowers are sometimes dispensed 
with, and a Prayer-Book used. 

Church. In addition to the palms in the chancel, 
a string of flowers or white ribbons is stretched 
across the middle aisle, to reserve this place 
for the immediate family and specially in- 
vited guests. 

Ushers. Boutonntires, provided by the bride's 
family, should be given to the sexton by the 
florist on the wedding-day. They may be 
made of lilies of the valley, white roses, or 
the like. 

Sometimes the ushers call at the house of 
the bride to have her fix them in the lapel of 
their coats. 

Gifts. The nearest members of each family 
should arrange among themselves what gifts 
to send, and thus avoid duplicates. Expen- 
sive presents are sent only by most intimate 
friends, and articles of utility by relatives or 
near friends. All gifts should be sent wdthin 
two months of date of marriage, and should 

272 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

have thereon the woman's maiden name, 
initial cipher, or monogram, and should be 
acknowledged by the bride at the earliest 
moment, and not later than ten days after 
her marriage. 

It is not in good taste to make an ostenta- 
tious display of the gifts, and if they are ex- 
hibited, the cards of the donors should be 
removed, and only intimate friends invited. 

Those sending gifts should have the cour- 
tesy of an invitation to the wedding breakfast 
or reception. 

If any gifts are sent to the groom, they 
should bear his initial. 

A wedding invitation does not necessarily 
imply that a gift must be sent, as the send- 
ing of a gift is optional. 
Groom. See Groom. 

Guests — Breakfasts or Receptions. The 
invited guests leave the church for the bride's 
residence, and there are introduced by the 
ushers to the married couple and those stand- 
ing up with them. If the guests are un- 
known to the ushers, they should give their 
names to one of them, who offers his left arm 
to the woman, while her escort follows and 
is introduced at the same time. 

At the breakfast, guests are usually as- 
signed places, but, if not, may take any 

273 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

seat. Only the specially invited guests await 
the departure of the married couple, which 
ends the reception or breakfast. 

If boxes of wedding-cake are placed on a 
table, each guest takes one on his departure. 

Guests— Cai«i&. Invited guests should call at 
least within ten days and leave their cards. 

Dress. Broadly speaking, at a morning or after- 
noon wedding the guest wears afternoon 
dress, and at an evening wedding evening 
dress. From the latter rule there are no 
deviations possible, but in the former there is 
greater latitude. Thus it would be possible 
for a man to wear a black cutaway coat at 
an afternoon wedding. 

Men. If the wraps are not left in the carriage, 
they are removed in the vestibule and are 
carried on the arm into the pew. A man 
follows the woman, who is escorted to the 
pew by the usher. At the end of the cere- 
mony the guests should not leave until the 
immediate family have passed out. 

Guests who are not invited to the break- 
fast or reception should not take offense, as 
the number present on such occasions is 
necessarily limited. These guests may seat 
themselves or are seated by the ushers, but 
not in the pews reserved for the family and 
specially invited guests. 

274 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

Women. No one should be present at a wedding 
in mourning, and it should be laid aside tem- 
porarily even by the mother, who wears 
purple velvet or silk. Women on entering 
the church take the usher's left arm, and are 
escorted to the pew, while their escort follows 
behind. 

If they are immediate members of the 
family or are specially invited guests, they 
should give their names to the usher that he 
may seat them in the places reserved for 
them. 

Hats of Groom and of Best Man. To do 
away with the possibility of the best man 
having to take care of the hats of groom and 
best man during the wedding ceremony, it 
is a good plan for both groom and best man 
to leave them in the vestry, and to have them 
carried out to the front of the church, ready 
for them at the end of the ceremony. 

Home. See Home Weddings. 

Host. See Father of Bride. 

Hostess. See Mother of Bride. 

Hours. Any hour from nine in the morning to 
nine in the evening is appropriate. 

The morning hours are usually sele<5ted for 
quiet home affairs ; twelve o'clock, or high 
noon, is still considered as the fashionable 

275 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

hour, while from three to six is the hour 
most convenient for all concerned. 

Evening weddings are not very convenient, 
chiefly because it is not as easy to handle the 
details as in the daytime. 
Invitations. The woman's parents, guardians, 
or others give the wedding, send out the in- 
vitations, and bear all the expense of engrav- 
ing and sending out the same. They are 
issued in the name of the one giving the wed- 
ding, and should be sent to near-by friends 
about twenty days in advance of the wedding- 
day and earlier to out-of-town friends. With 
them are sent the invitation to the wedding 
breakfast or reception, and also the card of 
admission to the church. 

The groom should supply a list of names 
of such persons as he desires to have present, 
designating his preference for those to be 
present at the breakfast or reception. 

In addressing wedding invitations, two en- 
velopes are used. The inner one, unsealed, 
bears the name only of the person addressed, 
and is enclosed in another envelope, sealed, 
bearing the address of the person invited. 

Parents should, of course, order these invi- 
tations of a fashionable dealer in stationery, 
that good taste may be observed. 

If the invitation contains an invitation to 

276 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings (Contimied) 

the breakfast or reception, it should be ac- 
cepted or declined at once, and the answer 
sent to those issuing the invitation. If the 
invitation does not include a breakfast or 
reception invitation, no acknowledgment is 
necessary. 

Should the wedding, however, be at home, 
and the guests limited in number, an ac- 
knowledgment should be sent. 

If the invitations bear the letters R. S. V. P. 
an acknowledgment is necessary. 

Bridesmaids. At a large church wedding sev- 
eral invitations are usually given to the 
bridesmaids for their own personal use. 

Cau^. Very intimate friends can call person- 
ally. Friends of the groom who have no 
acquaintance with the bride's family should 
send their cards to those inviting them. 

Those who do not receive with wedding 
invitations and announcements At Home 
cards should not call, but consider them- 
selves dropped from the circle of acquaint- 
ances of the married couple. 

Cards, IyKAViNG. If a person is invited to a 
wedding at a church, but not to the recep- 
tion or breakfast, a card should be left or 
mailed both to the bride's parents and to the 
married couple. 

277 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

Those present at the ceremony should 
leave cards in person for those inviting them, 
and if this is not possible, they can send 
them by mail or messenger. 

Those invited but not present should send 
cards to those who invited them. 

Regained. When for some good reason a 
wedding has to be canceled or postponed, 
the parents of the bride should, as soon as 
possible, send printed notices, giving the rea- 
sons, to all the invited guests. 

Journey. See Wedding Trip. 

Maid of Honor. See Maid of Honor. 

Marking Gifts. See Marking Wedding Gifts. 

Married Couple. Immediately after the wed- 
ding breakfast or reception, the bride, with 
her maid of honor, retires to change her 
clothes for those suitable for travel. The 
groom, with his best man, does likewise, and 
waits for his wife at the foot of the stairs. 

As she comes down the stairs she lets fall 
her bridal bouquet among the bridesmaids, 
who strive to secure it, as its possession is 
deemed a lucky sign of being the next bride. 
As the couple pass out of the front door 
it is customary for the guests to throw after 
them, for luck, rice, rose leaves, flowers, old 
shoes, etc. 

278 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

The form to be used in signing the hotel 
register is : Mr. and Mrs. John K. Wilson. 
Good taste and a desire for personal comfort 
demand that their public acSis and words 
be not of such a character as to attradt atten- 
tion. 

See also Wedding Trip. 
At Home. At the end of the wedding trip they 
proceed to their own home, and immediately 
send out their At Home cards, unless they 
have followed the better plan of enclosing 
them with their wedding cards. 

They are at perfect liberty to send them to 
whom they please, and thus to selecft their 
friends. At these "At Homes' ' light re- 
freshment is served, and the married couple 
wear full evening dress. 

They are generally given a dinner by the 
bridesmaids, and are entertained by both 
families in appropriate ways. 
Men — Dress. At a morning or afternoon wed- 
ding the groom, best man, and ushers wear 
afternoon dress, but at an evening wedding 
they wear evening dress. 

For further details see Best Man — Dress. 
Groom — Dress. Ushers — Dress. 
Mourning should not be worn at a wedding, but 
should be laid aside temporarily, the wearer 
appearing in purple. 

279 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

Music. The organist and the music are usually 
selected by the bride. Before the arrival of 
the bride the organist plays some bright 
selection, but on her entering the church 
and passing up the aisle he plays the Wed- 
ding March. 

Pages. See Pages. 

Private. See Private Wedding. 

Procession Up the Aisle. Many styles are 
adopted for the procession up the aisle. A 
good order is for the ushers to come first in 
pairs, then the bridesmaids, maid of honor, 
and last the bride on her father* s arm. At 
the altar the ushers and bridesmaids open 
ranks to allow the bride to pass through. 

This order is usually reversed in the pro- 
cession down the aisle. 

Recalling Invitations. See Wedding Invita- 
tions (Recalled). 
Receptions. See Wedding Receptions. 

Rehearsals. Rehearsals should be held even 
for a quiet home wedding, and at a suffi- 
ciently early date to insure the presence of 
all who are to participate. 

Reporters. See Reporters — Weddings. 

Ribbons. See Ribbons at Church Weddings. 

Rice. See Weddings — Throwing of Rice. 
280 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings ^Continued) 

Ring. This may be dispensed with, save in the 
Roman Catholic and in the Episcopal Church 
service. It is usually of plain gold, with 
initials of bride and groom and date of mar- 
riage engraved therein. 

It is bought by the groom, who should give 
it to the best man to be kept till it is called 
for by the clergyman during the ceremony. 
It is worn on the third finger of the bride's 
left hand. 

Second Marriages. See Widows — Weddings. 

Signing the Register. This is sometimes done 
by the bride and the groom, and takes place 
in the vestry, where the best man signs as 
chief witness and some of the guests as wit- 
nesses. 

Souvenirs. See Souvenirs. 

Throwing of Rice. The throwing of rice is 
to be discouraged, but if it is to be done, the 
maid of honor should prepare packages of 
rice and hand them to the guests, who throw 
it after the bridal couple as they leave the 
house for their wedding trip. 

Toasts. Toasts to the bride and groom are cus- 
tomary at the wedding breakfast. 

If the groom gives a farewell bachelor din- 
ner, he should propose a toast to the bride. 
Trousseau. See Trousseau. 

281 



ETIQUETTE 

Weddings {Continued) 

Ushers. See Ushers, 

White Ribbons. See Ribbons. 

Widows. See Widows — Weddings. 

Women — Dress. Women wear afternoon or eve- 
ning dress, as the occasion requires. 

See also Widows. Guests. Weddings- 
Guests. Weddings — Widows. 

White Ribbons at Weddings. See Ribbons. 

Widows* 

Card. During the first year of mourning a 
widow has no cards, as she makes no formal 
visits. After the first year, cards with border 
of any desired depth are used. 

Either the husband's name or the widow's 
baptismal name may be used, but if in the 
immediate family the husband's name is 
duplicated, she should use her own name to 
avoid confusion. When her married son has 
his father's full name, the widow should add 
Sr. to hers, as the son's wife is entitled to 
the name. 

Mourning. A widow should wear crape with a 
bonnet having a small border of white. The 
veil should be long and worn over the face 
for three months, after which a shorter veil 



ETIQUETTE 

Widows {Continued) 

may be worn for a year, and then the face 
may be exposed. Six months later white 
and lilac may be used, and colors resumed 
after two years. 

Stationery, Mourning. A widows stationery 
should be heavily bordered, and is continued 
as long as she is in deep mourning. This is 
gradually decreased, in accordance with her 
change of mourning. 

All embossing or stamping should be done 
in black. 

Weddings. Widows should avoid anything dis- 
tinctively white, even in flowers — especially 
white orange blossoms and white veil, 
these two being distinctively indicative of 
the first wedding. If she wishes, she can 
have bridesmaids and ushers. Her wedding- 
cards should show her maiden name as part 
of her full name. 

Widowers—Stationery, Mourning* The width of 
black on his stationery should be reduced as 
the interval is diminished. 

All stamping should be in black. 

Wife— Cards* Only the wife of the oldest member 
of the oldest branch may use her husband's 
name without the initials. 



ETIQUETTE 

Wife and Husband— Cards, Visiting. When the wife 
is calling, she can leave cards of the husband 
and sons if it is impossible for them to do so 
themselves. 

After an entertainment cards of the family 
can be left for the host and hostess by either 
the wife or any of the daughters. 

Wife of Baronet— How Addressed. An official letter 
begins: Madam, and ends: / have the honor 
to remain your Ladyship* s most obedient ser- 
vant. 

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Wilson , 
and ends: Believe me, Lady Wilson, sincerely 
yours. 

The address on the envelope is: To Lady 
Wilson. 

Wife of Knight— Horn) Addressed* An official letter 
begins : Madam , and ends: I have the honor 
to remain your Ladyship" s most obedient ser- 
vant. 

A social letter begins: Dear Lady Wilson, 
and ends: Believe me, Lady Wilson, sincerely 
yours. 

The address on the envelope reads : To 
Lady Wilson. 

Wife of Younger Son of Baron — How ^Addressed. 

An official letter begins : Madam, and ends : 
/ have the honor to remain, madam, your 
obedient servant. 

284 



ETIQUETTE 

Wife of Younger Son of ^aron (Continued) 

A social letter begins : Dear Mrs. Wilson , 
and ends : Si?icerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is: To the 
Honorable Mrs. Wilson. 

Wife of Younger Son of Duke — Horn) (Addressed* 

An official letter begins : Madam, and ends : 
I have the honor to remairi, your Ladyship* s 
most obedient servant. 

The address on the envelope is : To the 
Right HoJiorable the Lady John Kent. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lady John 
Kent, and ends : Believe me, dear Lady John 
Kent, Jaithfully yours. 

The address is : To the Lady John Kent. 

Wife of Younger Son of Earl— How Addressed* An 
official letter begins : Madam, and ends : / 
have the honor to remain, madam, your obe- 
dient servant. 

A social letter begins: Dear Mrs. Wilson, 
and ends : Believe me, Mrs. Wilson, sincerely 
yours. 

The address on the envelope is: 71? the 
Honorable Mrs. Wilson. 

Wife of Younger Son of Marquis — Haw (Addressed. 

An official letter begins : Madam, and ends : 
I have the honor to remain your Ladyship's 
most obedient servant. 

285 



ETIQUETTE 

Wife of Younger Son of Marquis {Continued) 

Tlie address on the envelope is : To the 

Right Honorable, the Lady John Kent. 

A social letter begins : Dear Lady John 

Ke7it, and ends : Believe me, dear Lady John 

Kent, Jaithfully yours. 

The address is : To the Lady John Kent. 

Wife of Younger Son of Viscount — Honv cAddressed* 
An official letter begins : Madam, and ends : 
I have the honor to remain, madam, your obe- 
dient servant. 

A social letter begins : Dear Mrs. Wilson, 
and ends : Sincerely yours. 

The address on the envelope is/ To the 
Honorable Mrs. Wilson. 

Wine* A guest not caring for wine should turn 
down his glass and leave it in that position, 
or a mere sign of dissent when it is offered 
is sufficient. 

Witnesses at Weddings* If witnesses are needed, 
the best man seledls them, and himself signs 
as the chief witness. 

Wooden Weddings* Five years after the marriage 
comes the wooden wedding. On the invita- 
tions sent out may be engraved, if desired, 
No presents received. Congratulations may 

286 



ETIQUETTE 

Wooden Weddings (Continued) 

be extended in accepting or declining these 
invitations. 

Those invited make suitable presents, and 
on this occasion any device made of wood is 
appropriate, including articles of utility — as, 
kitchen utensils, household ornaments, etc. 

An entertainment usually follows. 

Woolen Weddings. This is the name of the fortieth 
wedding anniversary, and is seldom cele- 
brated. The invitations may have the words: 
No presents received, and in accepting or de- 
clining the invitations, congratulations may 
be sent. 

An entertainment should be provided, and 
any article of woolen would be appropriate 
as a gift. 

Women* 

Bachelors' Dinners. Women do not call upon 
a bachelor after attending a dinner given by 
him. 

Conduct Toward Men. Male acquaintances 
should be carefully chosen, and great care 
exercised in accepting invitations from them. 
When declining invitations from a man 
personally given, explanations are not neces- 
sary. If they are deemed desirable, they 
should be given as delicately as possible and 
without giving offence. 

287 



ETIQUETTE 

Women {Continued) 

It is well never to receive men alone, unless 
they are most intimate friends. Compromis- 
ing positions are easily fallen into, and a 
woman should be constantly on her guard. 

Women Servants — 7?ps, It is customary for guests 
at the end of a house-party visit to give tips 
to the maid for extra attention and taking 
care of the room, and also to the cook. The 
latter is usually tipped by the married men 
and bachelors. 

Afternoon Dress. See Afternoon Dress — 
Women. 

Afternoon Teas. See Afternoon Teas (Formal) 

— Women. Afternoon Teas (Informal) — 

Women. 
Bachelors' Dinners. See Bachelors' Dinners — 

Women. 
Bachelors' Teas. See Bachelors' Teas — 

Women. 
Balls. See Balls — Women. 
Bowing. See Bowing — Women. 
Breakfasts. See Breakfasts — Women. 
Calls. See Calls — Women. 
Cards. See Cards (Visiting) — Women. 
Chaperone. See Chaperone. 
Christenings. See Christenings — Women. 
288 



ETIQUETTE 

Women {Continued*) 

Conclusion of Letters. See Conclusion of a 
Letter — Women . 

Cotiujons by Subscriptions. See Cotillions 
by Subscriptions — Women. 

Dances. See Dances — Women. 

Dancing. See Dancing — Women. 

Dinners. See Dinners — Women. 

Dress. See Dress — Women. 

Driving. See Driving — Women. 

Engagement. See Engagement — Women. 

Evening Dress. See Evening Dress — Women. 

Punerai^s. See Funerals — Women. 

Garden Parties. See Garden Parties — Women. 

Gi^oves. See Gloves — Women. 

High Tea. See High Tea— Women. 

House Parties. See House Parties — Women. 

Introductions. See Introductions — Women. 

Invitations. See Invitations — Women. 

Letters. See Letters — Women. 

Luncheons. See Luncheons — Women. 

Morning Dress. See Morning Dress — Women. 

Mourning. See Mourning — Women. 

289 



ETIQUETTE 

Women (Continued) 
Mourning Cards. See Mourning Cards — 
Women. 

New Acquaintance. See New Acquaintances — 
Women. 

Newcomers. See Newcomers — Residents' Duty 

to Women. 
Riding. See Riding — Women. 
Salutations. See Salutations — Women. 
Shaking Hands. See Shaking Hands — Women. 
Stationery. See Stationery— Women. 
Street-cars. See Street-cars — Women. 
Street Etiquette. See Street Etiquette — 

Women. 

Theatre Parties. See Theatre Parties — 
Women. 

Titles. See Titles— Women. 
Traveling. See Traveling — Women. 
Weddings. See Weddings — Women. 

Written Cards are in bad taste, but in case of neces- 
sity may be used. The name should be 
written in full if not too long, and should 
be the autograph of the sender. 

Younger Son* See Son (Younger). 



290 



SEX 

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292 



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